i feel down in the dumps today. i have been resonably happy lately. but today i woke up and everything i have accomplished these past 2 months, moving forward, forgiving his ONS, trying to meet his EN's like never before, i feel like, whats the point? will i ever be able to trust him again? we always had a special relationship, we were so close, and i really miss that. im scared to even mention the word relationship anymore. i cant get the idea out of my head that if he cheated, he must not really love me, at least not like i love him. is this depression of mine ever going to go away? i hate feeling like nothing i do matters.

I'm so sorry for your pain. At least you have your H there trying to work on things. That's at least a step forward. My WH has moved out and says he doesn't know if he will ever come back. It's killing me inside. I miss him so much and want to work on our marriage.
Just know that there are people here to help you get throught the rough times. If your H didn't love you...I;m sure he wouldn't be there. I guess time heals all wounds right?

Shelly - I've been where you are. Something I havne't brought up in my previous posts because I am dealing with my current issues independant of the past ones, is that my WH had a few ONS eight years ago while deployed overseas. When I found out I thought I would die. To know he would risk our relationship over a ONS and hurt me in that way was so painful. I thought I would never trust him again and wondered if the good days would ever outnumber the bad.

They will. I promise. It's hell to go through it. You shouldn't have to. It sucks. But it WILL get better. In fact, if I could go back now and undo the ONS eight years ago, I would not. It allowed us a closer relationship in the end. For seven years, we had a relationship that was envied by most of our friends and we even sometimes wondered how we got so lucky. So don't despair. You're days will get better.

thanks for your responses. i didnt reply until now because i was at work.i'm still down. maybe ill feel better tomorrow. i seem to go thru these mini nervous breakdowns every so often. if i can just get thru it without h noticing.( and i cant hide anything from him he knows me too well) he gets upset if i get depressed. he told me yesterday that he doesnt think ill ever be happy. maybe not since my happiness has always depended on him. i just dont want to feel so bad anymore.i used to be able to talk to h about anything. he was my closest confidante, my best friend. i have to weigh everything in my head before i say it. i have to think "will this piss him off?" i dont like being so guarded with the man i want to spend my life with. if i didnt have this board to get things off my chest, i would probably be in a psych ward somewhere.