Suz, I went back and read some of your posts and feel like you jumped to Plan B way too fast. Plan B is dangerous if you don't do a good Plan A first.
See, unless you do a really good Plan A for awhile, they are only relieved when you go to Plan B. It only increases your chances of divorce. He was already in a bad frame of mind towards the marriage when he started the affair, you have done nothing to change that. Plan A is designed to change his frame of mind by attracting him back into the marriage. So by the time you DO go to Plan B, they have something to miss.
I would go back to the start, Suz, and start all over again with a new strategy. Begin a program of attraction. When you talk to him, be as pleasant and happy as possible. No lovebusters, relationship talk, crying, pleading, etc. Ask him how he is doing, flirt with him. Seduce him. Try to meet his needs. I read that you really confused him when you had sex with him. That tells me that he still has strong feelings for you and is very confused.
The idea is to make yourself more attractive than the OW. OW will eventually start lovebusting because she doesn't have the benefit of this program. YOU DO.
Why did he become disillusioned with the marriage? What needs is the OW meeting that were not being met in the marriage?
Please think about those things, Suz, and in the meantime look for every opportunity to talk to him. It is also important to EXPOSE this affair to any key person. Expose to your family, his family, the OW's family. And get your hands on Surviving an Affair by Willard Harley. You can get it on this website or in bookstores.
