Last time I talked to the sparrow, almost four weeks ago, she said it was stupid to be "playing house" with OM, and that was why she decided to move out of his house. The story she told others, and the story OM told his W, was that he kicked her out in a feeble effort at reconciling with his wife, which did not pan out.

So... this morning I came to work very early, and drove by OM's house to check the status of the affair. Well, there was the sparrow's car, parked right behind his.

I didn't feel sad or hurt when I saw it. I just wanted to smash in the windows on both cars.

Stupid to play house, indeed. This A is not being laundered to get the approval of the sparrow's family. It's just as filthy as ever.

GC

have you talked to the OMW lately? where is she living if sparrow is staying at the OM's house? is she going to try and do some things w/OM while sparrow is on her trip?

i'm sorry, it's very sad and filthy like you said. are you going to still contest the D for as long as you can?

continued prayers to you, RR

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by graycloud:
<strong> Last time I talked to the sparrow, almost four weeks ago, she said it was stupid to be "playing house" with OM, and that was why she decided to move out of his house. The story she told others, and the story OM told his W, was that he kicked her out in a feeble effort at reconciling with his wife, which did not pan out.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">All lies.

WSs go through great lengths to try to appear rational from the outside. Both WSs in my sitch practically demanded that each couple go to marriage counseling - so they could later claim they had been reasonable and that they tried.

Powerful stuff goes on in the Mothership.

WAT

<small>[ August 13, 2004, 07:53 AM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

RR, OM moved out of his house at the same time as WW moved out of ours. He's renting a townhouse his sister owns.

I talk to OMW often. We're both too vulnerable to be such good friends as we've gotten to be, but we're doing it anyway. We try to bring a third person along when we get together (not often), and we stay away from each others' houses and only meet in public - but we email every day, and talk on the phone once or twice a week. Definitely being careful with that one.

Yes, I'm contesting the D as long as I can. Which won't be long. They like to get it over with quickly here in MN. My lawyer said that getting a continuance for responding to service just for the sake of doing it is a bad idea, because if they assign us a judge she likes she thinks it's better to go with the good judge. But she also hinted: "I don't know what my schedule is going to be on the date they give for our initial conference."

I'm not sure if OMW is going to try a little harder to reach OM while the sparrow is gone (she leaves for the trip with Grandma today). She's been extremely nice to him lately, and he just gets more and more rude. And finding out the sparrow is at his house again isn't going to make her any happier. But I think she still might try.

Last night I recorded a cover of Otis Redding's "That's How Strong My Love Is" (see Shul's thread for the lyrics), and I was just listening back to it. Thank heaven music helps me get out of a funk so well.

GC

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I talk to OMW often. We're both too vulnerable to be such good friends as we've gotten to be, but we're doing it anyway. We try to bring a third person along when we get together (not often), and we stay away from each others' houses and only meet in public - but we email every day, and talk on the phone once or twice a week. Definitely being careful with that one.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Be careful although I don't blame you if you hook up with OM's X2B.

Thanks, WAT. I've heard it a million times - believe nothing you hear and half of what you see. But I still have a part of me that doesn't go so far as to think "LIE!" and does not find the truth hidden and buried between those lies.

Now I see what lies she was telling that day. It's just like you say, she was desperately trying to seem rational. "It was stupid to be playing house." ... "I have to deal with you before I can purse a relationship with OM." ... "I'm not ashamed of anything I've done".

Blech. I know it has to play out. I just don't feel today like it will before the D is final. But what can I do? I'll be okay. Just lonely and disappointed this week. My vacation is coming just when I need it.

GC

"Be careful although I don't blame you if you hook up with OM's X2b".

PARDON ME TSTBC?????

GC,

I don't mean to be blunt but you're talking in circles.Is it really necessary to be interacting with the OMW so much? What can you glean from her that you don't already know? I know you said you're being careful buuut......how about just checking in once a month? JMHO.


O

TS2BC - I'm being doubly careful. I'm not going to have a revenge affair.

The important thing right now is I'm getting plan-B'ed, the sparrow is still sleeping in OM's bed, and today she leaves. Somehow I don't think I'll be the first thing on her mind during this trip.

How in the hell does she sleep at night?

GC

<small>[ August 13, 2004, 08:43 AM: Message edited by: graycloud ]</small>

"She's been extremely nice to him lately, and he just gets more and more rude. And finding out the sparrow is at his house again isn't going to make her any happier. But I think she still might try"

this is exactly the point (in a round about way), the OMW is not giving the OM any reason to D because of the way she's being and the fact that he gets more rude just goes to show/tell how he is feeling about himself and also that this may be coming out w/his interactions w/the sparrow (i.e. cause tension between them). apparently that's what happens a lot of times is that the WS/OP just LB each other so much that the A ends as a result. i don't know if i explained this too well or not. but i'm sure you know that when we BS are always leaving a good picture of ourselves or not giving the WS any reason to continue acting they way they are sometimes they take it out on the OP and that only benefits us in the end. if the OMW isn't happy about the sparrow at the OM's house, etc. well that's even more reason why she has to keep doing what she's doing (plan A). it's always best to plan A in the absence of another plan.

i'm not really worried about you w/the OMW, i think just the fact about the situation you are in and what you would have to deal w/afterwards is enough to keep you guys from doing anything you will regret. however, IMO it's more about the appearance of things. i wouldn't want the OM or the sparrow to be able to use anything against the 2 of you. not to mention what others might think. it's an unfortunate situation to say the least. again, i'm not worried about you doing anything only the appearance of how things might look. who's to say that the OM hasn't installed spyware on the OMW computer and is aware of all your conversation? don't want to give the enemies any ammunition.

don't drive by there anymore please, we see you hurting enough. maybe that's been one of my saving graces through all this. that i'm not in the same state as H or the OW so i have no chance to run into them, can't give it to any urges to follow them or check up on them, etc. i'm sure there are definitely pros and cons to the situations.

if sparrow is out of the country, a lot of stuff can happen in the interim. do you know if granny got the letter and what her reaction was, etc.? well, you can't really expect a reaction or a reply because that would be expecting too much, remember expect the worse, hope for the best. blood is thicker than water. you still have a plan but i would venture to say you should talk to JH again before too long.

as always, continued prayers to you and thanks for yours, i think i'm starting to come out of my "funk" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> RR

O, I appreciate your point. When I discuss my contact with OMW I admit that I fall into a certain amount of justification and defensiveness. I'm doing my best to be vigilant against piloting my own ship into the fog, and I warn her about it often as well. I've talked to my IC about this, and she's given me some good guidelines.

By the way, who has read Shirley Glass's NOT "Just Friends"? Call me impressed.

RR, I'm sure Grandma got my letter, but who knows whether she's mentioned it to the sparrow? Maybe Granny is saving it to spring on her during the trip, maybe she won't mention it at all. I bet she will though. I haven't heard from any of the sparrow's family or friends in weeks. They've all quietly backed away. I had to send the sparrow a check this week, and I put it in a cool card with a brief message to have a good trip and a reminder to change her oil when she gets back - something she always forgets to do.

I hope I can help OMW keep from getting discouraged about today's news. She's pretty tired of fighting.

I actually had a reason for going by OM's house today. It was a legal reason that I won't discuss, but I wish I hadn't had to do it. On the other hand, I know the status of the A now, and I know what horsesh*t it was when WW said "It was stupid to be playing house."

GC

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by graycloud:
<strong>Blech. I know it has to play out. I just don't feel today like it will before the D is final. But what can I do? I'll be okay.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We can't predict what will happen in the end to your marriage, but I think we can predict what will happen to you if you do what you know is right - stay squarely atop the moral high ground, maintain your integrity, and allow her to make the decisions.

You will exit with no guilt and with your head held high.

Not a bad place to be.

WAT

GC - OMI! I'm sorry about your ugly morning. That's not something you ever want to see, much less first off!

You WILL be okay! It's gonna be alright...I know it's hard and it sucks like a Hoover, but you are gonna be alright!

I know that at best you're agnostic (LMAO), but you are being watched out for! I promise! There's someone down south of you praying for you and your sparrow, too!

So. In order to counteract the affects of this dismal morning, go find something wonderful. Please? It does make it better. Once you begin looking for the wonderfulness of the world, your load will lighten for awhile.

- Kimmy

PS - Hope you don't mind the agnostic comment...I come from a familia with a whole flock of 'em hanging in the trees, so I feel free to poke fun now and then.

Kimmy, nobody is less comfortable with my agnosticism than I am. I even pray; I just have not much faith that anybody is listening. I'm even thinking about starting to go to a church in my neighborhood. Maybe the Unitarians would take me. I hear most of them are agnostic already!

Thank you for your prayers. My WW needs them more than I do. I know that sooner or later I'm going to be okay. I want to stop hurting, and I want a certain result for my M. But I don't think of those wishes as the sorts of things you pray for. More than anything, I want my WW to see the wickedness in what she's doing, and to reject it and be redeemed, rather than continuing to embrace it, because by defining her life through something unsavory and selfish and destructive, she is become that which she embraces.

Or something.

I also want OM's children to grow up with their parents together at their sides, I want OMW to have the happiness she deserves, and I want OM to see the truth the same way I wish the sparrow would.

I'm leaving tonight for my vacation, and in a few days I'll be surrounded by wonderfulness.

GC

<small>[ August 13, 2004, 01:01 PM: Message edited by: graycloud ]</small>

Gray -

I have been thinking about your thread at work ever since I read it, and I just want to say I am not liking your wife very much. I've said it before but I will say it again, if you want her back and still love her that is up to you, and I think you will still have your chance when this disgusting affair folds, as it will.

But doesn't it ever bother you that sparrow is shacked up with a man whose wife is at home with a toddler and pregnant. Can you imagine HER pain? She can't take anything to numb her pain either, she can't drink - nothing. Plus her unborn baby and toddler are being subjected to what is probably extreme grief and depression. And then sparrow has the utter gall to say that OMW won't even get a job. My God, how can she go out and get a job?

Are you sure you love this woman who can so nonchalantly do this to a pregnant mother???

And don't even get me started on him <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I am glad you are friends with OMW, I hope you can bring each other solace.

Weaver, I hear you loud and clear.

She can do it because she does not believe she's responsible. She thinks the A is incidental to the breakups of the two Ms. Honest to god, she does. I suppose she has to.

I've got a romantic on my hands. All she cares about is being in love. She doesn't care how many bodies are left behind on the battlefield.

And I'm very bothered by my W's failure to see her responsibility in this. We've here got ourselves a good old self-fulfilling prophecy. If the sparrow returns before doing her part to destroy this family, and in time for this family to be saved, she has a chance. If she doesn't, then I don't want anything to do with her.

I honestly don't even know how I'd feel if I saw her right now. I have no idea. Nothing is resolved. She certainly didn't "earn her way out" of our M.

I imagine car4love's pain each and every day. I feel partly responsible for it. I tried to explain it to the sparrow. I guess in a way I'm making my own amends by trying to be a friend to her.

This A is not my fault, but it has shown me how far-reaching the consequences can be when you are too selfish. I feel I'm experiencing those.

GC

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Maybe the Unitarians would take me. I hear most of them are agnostic already!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">As the granddaughter of one of the founders of the Unitarian church in my hometown, I can guarantee it (on the taking you and agnostic-ism) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I hope you have a fantastic bacation (that's my 4 yo's name for it)!

- Kimmy

GC
have some thoughts about your Sparrows behaviour, have same about my wifes so not going to say anything. Actions do speak louder than words sometimes.
However, IF and only IF in the course of human events etc etc anything does happen between you and OMW, from what I've seen, it will be at the proper time and out in the open and between two people with integrity..at least thats what I have obeserved from your posts.
But as I know both of you really want your spouses back I hope it happens as you both wish.
Best of luck!

aussie, not to worry. Neither of us has a trailer big enough for all that baggage.

GC

<small>[ August 13, 2004, 02:14 PM: Message edited by: graycloud ]</small>