<small>[ September 25, 2004, 11:50 AM: Message edited by: pemberley ]</small>

Well, hang in there, Pemberly, and just buck up. You have to know this stuff in order to know how to proceed. I know it's hard on you. But it is part of the solution. If you didn't know this stuff, you wouldn't have any chance to fix this.

What scares you about exposing it? Do you mean confronting him with it? Is that what scares you?

<small>[ September 25, 2004, 11:51 AM: Message edited by: pemberley ]</small>

pemberley, ML is right, you have to know what you are dealing w/in order to know how to proceed. there are lots of valuable resources out there to help you find clarity in what you need to do. of course i know you know about the Bible. but as i had posted to you on the prayer forum there are lots of books available on dr. dobson's focus on the family website http://family.org i have no idea where you are located but i'll post what was listed in the resource directory of the book i read that i was telling you about "living w/your husband's secret wars"

American Family Association
p.o. drwarer 2440
tupelo, MS 38803 800-326-4543
the have a variety of materials for both mean and women struggling w/sexual issues, as well as for their spouse.

Crist Family Ministries
23324 32nd ave W.
Brier, WA 98036 360-794-2529
a husband and wife counseling team, who have dealt w/their own sexual recovery. they do all types of counseling.

Cherry creek counseling center
3665 cherry creek dr. n., suite 290
denver, CO 80209 303-799-6815
sharon hersh who's story appears throughout the book is a counselor at this center.

Dr. doug weiss, executive director of heart to heart counseling center in ft. worth, tx offers counseling, books, and videos and has a website http://sexaddict.com

Courageous Living
P.O. box 2259
Redmond, WA 98073 800-252-6055
this is done by Pat and Marsha means (marsha is the author of the book living w/your husband's secret wars) and have seminars/workshops for wives of sex addicts.

codependents of sex addicts
9337 B Katy FWY #142
Houston, TX 77204 612-537-6904

national council on sexual addiction and compulsivity
p.o. box 161064
atlanta, GA 30321-998 770-968-5002
www.ncsac.org

even if you are not in any of these areas you could probably call and still get some information or additional resources. i am not an expert but sometimes the best way to help your H is not to say "you have to stop this now, I can't live with you if you continue" i know you haven't said this yet but only to emphasize that there are many ways to handle the situation and probably the best thing for you to do is to get into some christian counseling that would be able to help guide you better. i'm sure you are continually going to the Lord in prayer and he will answer your prayers. we're also praying for you, it's a very difficult situation and many have been there.

don't know what your financial situation is but if you can get into counseling, you should probably do it asap to help and guide you specific for your situation. read everything you can, check out dr. dobson's webiste like i said, you can even call them (focus on the family) and they can help you find a counselor in your area. start and end each day in prayer and remember that God is the best counselor of all.

God bless, RR

<small>[ August 13, 2004, 08:28 AM: Message edited by: roughroad ]</small>

pemberly,
I know you're in a very bad place right now. You're gathering all your information, and your emotions are going NUTS.

Stay steadfast...gather your information.

Listen to MEL, her advice is always strong, and will get you through, she'll never lead you in the wrong direction.

also I agree with rr with:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> "you have to stop this now, I can't live with you if you continue" </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Your H will view that as a blatant threat and you won't get the desired result.

Rule number 1 in effectively communicating any issue..never use YOU statements. Always use I statements....how you feel about something. For example..the same quote can be said...

"I can't be happy in this M if this continues. I want us to work together to stop this before it destroys our M."

If you keep this one simple rule in the back of your mind, communication improves.

Hang in there pem, you have a really good support system here right now...USE it.

Also be careful not unload your evidence in any struggles or arguments that come up right now. You're walking a slippery slope, and we don't want you have to back peddle.

Do you know how many spouses would have let lose on day 1 ? You have a LOT of courage...hang on to that.

A book I found helpful: An Affair of the Mind, by Laurie Hall.

Be prepared for lies and denial. He will say he's stopped, but he won't, or can't. This is a big industry, and it's got him by the short and curlies.