WW filed for divorce. I haven't been served yet (expect it this afternoon) but she did it.

I asked her if that meant that she was finally moving out. She said no, that she would be staying in our home with the kids until the divorce is final and likely until the end of the school year.

Is she setting me up for something?

I will be meeting with an attorney after I get served to go over this.

Sorry to hear that! Is she still involved with OM?

Wow. That was really quick. She is really fogged out.

Hi lost,

Your WW sure is moving full steam ahead huh?

Sorry about that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

If you are both currently living in the home,then do not move out and wait to see what transpires.If you D,one of you will have to go and that will need to be decided ahead of time unless you want to let the court do it,which I would not.If you own the home jointly,you will need to decide who stays,or if you will sell,etc.

What's the status with your WW and OM? A still going on? IS she going to move out to be with OM? I would be darn careful not to let WW have the house with the notion that she could have OM move in.I would FREAK.

Try to stay two steps ahead of your WW and get informed about your rights.

O

I'm really sorry L@E93. Take heart in the fact that your WW is still around. You'll have many opportunities to show her what she's giving up.

How are YOU doing?

GC

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by graycloud:
<strong> Take heart in the fact that your WW is still around. You'll have many opportunities to show her what she's giving up.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Maybe some benefit in that, but I recommend you get legal advice on whether you can force her out of the house so you get some relief and she gets a chance to feel the consequences of her decisions.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I recommend you get legal advice on whether you can force her out of the house so you get some relief and she gets a chance to feel the consequences of her decisions.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I haven't heard of anybody being forced out unless they're a danger to their children.

WAT, I was thinking of the time frame of all this. You're right though - it's a card Lost should be ready to play if possible. And looking back at his posts from the last month, he is already ambivalent about his feelings for the WW.

Lost, has your house become her crash pad, or is she around most of the time?

You've been away for a while. Remind me, how exposed is the A?

GC

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by graycloud:
<strong>I haven't heard of anybody being forced out unless they're a danger to their children.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, GC - this may not be doable.

But I can't imagine being under the same roof just waiting for the divorce clock to tick while a full blown affair is slapped in your face. Filing for divorce doesn't relieve her of being humane and is not the same situation, to me, as a fence sitter WS who carries on an affair while living in the family home, but hasn't really made up her mind. I guess what I'm feeling is that if a WS files for divorce, then get out. If the WS doesn't get out, why file for divorce?

Oh, I forgot. Alien abduction.

Perhaps Lost could speed things up - if/when he gets to that level of indifference - if he counterfiles on the basis of adultery. In most U.S. States, this over rides any mandatory waiting
period.

WAT

I was reading from Shirley Glass last night about "compartmentalization" - the ability of a WS to "be" in the marriage during an active A. She talks about how WHs are generally better at this than WWs, and that WWs typically need to establish their loyalty quickly so they can function.

We see plenty of that here at MB - the BWs are usually dealing with some degree or other of fence-sitting, but the BHs are just flat out abandoned. A fence-sitting WW seems not to be the norm.

I don't remember seeing a BH plan-Bing his WW and it doing any good, but I haven't been here that long. So I'm naturally skeptical about plan B for BHs.

GC

Since we've already hijacked Lost's thread, we may as well continue, huh?

An interesting point by Glass and a valid observation, I believe, by you regarding WW abandonment. I'm curious to refresh my memory and see if Pittman addressed this in "Private Lies."

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by graycloud:
<strong>I don't remember seeing a BH plan-Bing his WW and it doing any good, but I haven't been here that long. So I'm naturally skeptical about plan B for BHs.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I can say it did me a LOT of good. It allowed me to take control and protect myself while I maintained my dignity, my self worth, and the respect of my friends and family. But I know that's not the "good" you were referring to.

WAT

<small>[ August 13, 2004, 12:27 PM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

Yes it was very quick, but I kind of expected it to be. She doesn't wait for anything - if she thinks she wants it, then she wants it (and gets it) now. She's been that way for as long as I have known her.

Yes, her A is still going on. She still spends a lot of time with him. She lost or quit her job, so now she has the kids during the day and guess where they all go? The last two nights she has even so bold as to keep them there late and then call me and say the kids fell asleep and she would just stay there for the night. If she does it again tonight, I will go over there and try to bring them home. - Any advice on this?

I have a feeling that once this divorce gets going and we're talking to each other through our attorneys, that she will find it difficult to be at the house much if she indeed chooses to stay.

I live in Iowa, which is a "No Fault" state. Her affair may not mean much in the eyes of the court here.

I have not completely exposed the affair. OM has been divorced from his last wife for 8 years. I do not know anything about his family to know who to expose it to.

On her side I have told her sister here in town a month ago that something was up and she should talk to WW. Interestingly enough, WW's sister called me today and left a message that she hasn't been able to get in touch with WW and wants me to call her back to let her know what is going on. I will call her tonight.

I am to the point now, that WW can go. I haven't been able to keep my feelings for her from slipping into negative land, and now that she is taking the kids into it with her, she just kind of makes me sick.

WAT - yes, I meant to edit that post actually, and note that while I haven't seen plan B save a marriage when the W has the A, I have seen it benefitting mental health (e.g. furnitureman).

Lost, finish exposing.

I think you should lay down a boundary w/r/t the children. If I had kids, I would raise absolute hell if my WW took them anywhere near OM while we were still married.

GC

Lost,
Don't wait to be served by your W to get yourself a lawyer and do it now! Sooner then now! Go get one like yesterday! Your W derives a legal advantage by filing first. When she does this, it puts you in a position where you have to defend yourself against any assertions she wants to make. Not only that, but she gets to establish her claim to decide what’s right and best for your children.

How does this sound? She claims something about you that you need time to prove is false, get’s you thrown out of your own home (until you can prove it’s false) and prevents you from visiting your own children. How about the court then authorizing temporary child support and alimony, (cause she’s not working right now right?) And after all, this is all just temporary right? Well do you have any idea what temporary means in our court system today!? Months or even years! And the money! Can you afford to spend what you may need to spend to prove that she’s a lyre?

And so here’s where you could end up. She will be living in your house with your kids with the OM and you will be paying the bills and have no rights! Think it can’t happen? Think again! Thinks she won’t lie to get what she wants? And why would that be? Think she wouldn’t be that cruel?

Lost, get up off the floor and go after her. Screw the worrying about LBs at this point. You have the children to think of. She’s already taking them out of your home to the home of the OM and keeping them there overnight. What would you do if she decided to move to CA with them? Just let her do it!?

Go get a lawyer right now and see if you can get her served first.

Coach

Lost

I live in a different country - Australia - where every state has a no fault divorce regardless & has for years. However I have been told by a lawyer that child custody has been obtained by the H where they could show the children were under threat from Moral turpitude
- Police use the same law to enforce teen curfews - by contact with the OM...just a thought dont know if it can help or not. Might be similar laws in your state........ My guess is that whoever moves first in this will probably win.....treatment like that sucks, real sorry to hear it happened to you.

I've been told that in most no-fault states there is little advantage to filing first, unless the petitioner is a pregnant woman.

But you should certainly talk to your lawyer before you get served.

GC

Don't misunderstand, I have already been consulting with an attorney. It was his advice to let her make the first move on the divorce or moving out. Of course we both thought she would be moving out and not willing to stay during the divorce - so there is that surprise to deal with. He said, like GC has heard, that there is no advantage to her filing first.

I am now thinking about what Octobergirl and coach3530 said about her trying to keep the house and have OM move in after the divorce. She couldn't afford it by herself, but with OM and any child support that I pay, she could probably do it.