It has been 6 weeks since Dday and 2 weeks since our third child has been born. I feel like I am on a never-ending roller coaster. Some days I am so happy and optimistic and others are full of hurt, anger, resentment. I know Dr. Harley says to allow 2 years for hurt, resentment, etc. to lessen but I don't know if I can survive that long.

Since Dday, my H has been remorseful, supportive, affectionate, loving - all the things that made me fall in love with him in the first place. I am doing my best to avoid angry outbursts, disrespectful judgements etc.. but I just play the scenes of my H's EA's over and over again. I am sure part of this is hormones and lack of sleep (getting up every 3 hours with the baby and no naps duringthe day because we have a 5 and 3 year old) but a bigger part of it is just plain hurt. How could he have done this? He still has to fill out his ENQ which he says he will do so I don't really know where the void was for him as far as unanswered needs.

I know Dr. H says we can survive and be in stronger better marriages which is want I want. My H says he wants that too and it does seem like he is really trying. I just don't know if I can get over the hurt and regain the trust. My H's EA would have turned sexual I am sure of it, given more time. But even just the idea of his EA's hurt me so much.

Am I falling short in my role to rebuild this marriage? Do I just have to pretend like I am not hurting so that we can move on? I even feel at times that I want to have an A, just to get back at him. I know that is not a healthy response (and I would never actually act on it) but I think about it.

Since Dday, he has been wonderful and I feel badly that I can't just get over it and move on. I couldn't bear for this to happen again.

What do I do to end this roller coaster I am on?