Found this on the most notable posts link someone was kind enough to post not too long ago however I can't remember her name. Rose maybe? I felt this verbalized really well what we are not always able to put into words regarding the devastation of affairs.

The following is a series of threats to you and others that result from having an affair. I got it from the book "I Will Never Leave You" by Hugh and Gayle Prather. Though I disagree with a lot of what the book says, this list was the reason I cut off contact with him, and it continues to give me strength when I am feeling weak. It is meant to be read out loud, insert names as necessary.

your position in the world
a) Affairs demean my role in the world.
b) Through them, I teach that commitment is a worthless value.
c) I teach that risking another's happiness can increase one's own.
d) I teach that we are not connected and that we can think and act without affecting each other.
e) If my affairs end in divorce, I will complicate my own life and diminish the lives of (spouses involved and all children involved, and other person).
f) This waste may be the only real inheritance I leave behind, if I continue making infatuation my guide.

your children
g) Affairs risk the happiness and security of (all children involved), with which they trust to me.
h) Through nothing (children) have done, affairs risk scrambling and entangling their lives at a time when their lives should be simple.
i) Whether discovered or not, affairs remove me spiritually from my children and diminish, if not destroy, my position as their example and teacher.
j) Affairs implant a pattern of betrayal, noncommitment, and lovelessness that would have its effect on (children)'s future relationships, including those with their children.

your partner
k) Affairs remove me from the path that (spouse) and I had meant to walk.
l) They risk abruptly throwing (spouse) into humilitating and chaotic circumstances, a blow from which he or she may never fully recover.
m) They threaten to throw (spouse) into pain, confusion, anger, cynicism, and protracted suffering.
n) They threaten (spouse)'s mental and physical health.
o) The risk the loss of our mutual friends.
p) They risk changing forever the relationship that (spouse) and I have with our in-laws and family members.
q) They risk changes to our shared income, standard of living, occupations, and future prospects.
r) I am the one person in the world with whom (spouse) has chosen to remain. This trust would be betrayed.
s) If I now fail to attend to my own healing, I risk the possibility that (spouse)'s life, my life, OP's life, and the lives of(all children and other spouse's involved) will be rewritten as tragedies.

your core
t) Affairs are acts of extreme insensitivity that diminish me spiritually.
u) They split my mind between the single purpose of oneness and the scattered goals of indulgence.
v) They make smallness the defining characteristic of my self-image.
w) They raise the physical body to a position of control it is incapable of assuming, thus leaving me without control.
x) They delay, and can even end, the possibility of my experiencing enduring love withing this lifetime.
y) Until I question the value of betrayal, I will not feel a guiding presence in my life.
z) In the world's balance between awakening and sleeping, affairs add my life to the dream of loveless isolation.

Reading these statements aloud made me end contact with him the same day. It was purely a decision on my part. Definitely not something I *wanted* to do. And I did so with the faith that my marriage could be made stronger than it has ever been. I still hold on to that faith. I am sure that it will soon pay off.

NOTE: I apologize to the the original poster who posted this for taking it out of her context.

Weaver

Thanks for the post weaver.It explains a lot about what it means to those invovled in an A but it sure does leave a lot out too.

I was talking to my mom last night about how this adultery has touched every single thing in my life in a bad way.I can no longer watch TV like I used to,I don't like romance,sex turns my stomach because I picture the two disgusting adulterers in the act,I no longer trust anyone,I no longer sleep well,everywhere I look I see pain and selfishness,I feel used,I no longer feel the warmth and love of a husband,I no longer feel safe and secure in my world or my former marriage,I no longer have a partner in life and I no longer have someone to share my dreams with,or fall into their arms with,lean on,love.My WH has ruined everything for me and it will take God knows how long for me to ever feel good about anything again.All this and more while he runs off with the happy homewrecker.

Everything I see,smell,touch,hear is tainted with adultery.Like a stain.


O

O -

Dang - I keep losing my posts tonight.

You have come so far in the short time that I have been here. I can tell from your posts, before you were so angry I was almost afraid of you, and now I kinda like you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

You are seven years younger than me girl <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> , and this is your first broken heart - yes? You will recover. My biggest fear is that I will never be able to love again. But as WAT told me -

YOU will love again, and you will love better.

You are going to make it O, and so am I. We just have to believe.

You know what O, I just have to tell someone this -

I found out that the girl my xbf has been running around with has fake breasts. He had a girl out to MY island with him who had FAKE BREASTS. This just ticks me off to no end, and I don't even know why. He actually told me that.

I insisted he tell me what she looked like and he said - "well she is a little taller than you and she has a larger chest" I said "a larger chest??) he said "yes, they are fake" but she has wrinkles and you don't, you are prettier.

Now what kind of a guy in their right mind would tell his girlfriend that his other girlfriend has fake breasts. Now thats all I can think of.
What are they STUPID... I wish I could go out with someone and tell him, well he is a little taller than you and has a large ****, but who's measuring.

What a friggen drag love is. This is not what I pictured for myself as a little girl, and I know you didn't either.

Weaver

W, great post. I hope my WW will be able to read that and understand it some day soon.

O I completely agree, infidelity soils every beautiful thing. My WW engulfs herself in soppy music all the time like a lovesick teen , and previous to the A I had no idea how many songs were about infidelity and unrequited love.

I can't watch TV or movies without being stung by infidelity either.

Stupid ? Shrek2 made me sad for a while !

Spam porn mails I get are knives in my heart. I have never been a pornography user but it revolts me now.

when I se a street of people I wonder how many are as broken as I am by the selfish A of a love.

Thanks both.

I was very glad to find this website. My husband has been having an affair with a former coworker for about 7 years. He is 44 and she is 63. I am 43 and I can't handle it. I feel betrayed, crazy, insane and more. It has devastated my life. I can't watch tv, read, think or function. Please pray for me.

O,

All I can say to your post is ditto to everything.

You summed up how I feel exactly.

LL

weaver

being new here I wondered how you were able to explain the whole thing to your spouse, Dont mean to pry or want details just to know what enabled you to feel safe enough to explain it all.
My wife seems to think that as she has confessed it - her words - still wants to be with me & kids, that I should just get over it & move on.............she seems unable or not willing to explain how or why or how long....now I am wondering if I even want to bother with her........just plain tired of the evasions, the lies, guess I reaching the point of I couldn't care less....but kids deserve more so I'm going to try again if I can.
Did anything help you get to that safe place or did you just say it?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by weaver:
Now what kind of a guy in their right mind would tell his girlfriend that his other girlfriend has fake breasts. What are they STUPID...</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Weaver: I need to get something off my chest. I was trying to rack my brain for an answer to this statement you had. I found it titilating that you would actually agree to this! What boob in their right mind would even think this? I knOOw. I knOOw. You're thinking, "Ya-ya. LINY's just another man. Whooter thunk that LINY was a pig like the rest of 'em?"

Enough of this!: after several days of rain, it's finally clear out tonight, so I think I'll get my telescope out, look north, up at the beautiful areola borealis. Better bring my jacket though. 'Tis a bit nipply out tonight.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

<small>[ August 14, 2004, 12:20 AM: Message edited by: LINY ]</small>

Aussie -

Those weren't my words. I was the OW in my relationship with a MM. I didn't know he was married for 8 months. The life I knew before him was destroyed by that affair, as well as his now Xwife's life was. He divorced his wife as soon as I found out he was married. But the damage his lies did to me still live on. He is the only one that seems to be doing just fine, from what I can tell.

I took that post from on old one I found because I like the way it summed up the damage.

As for your wife coming to realise what her affair has done to you, to her and to your marriage - I don't know. Sometimes I think that when the adulters realise the full extent of what they have done it can crush them.

Hopefully your wife will come out of the fog enough that she can start reading the books that are available on this subject and realise the road of healing that lies ahead for you both.

Hang in there Aussie, thats all I know how to do to.


LINY - Your too funny! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Keljo -

Welcome to MB. Why don't you post your story on a new thread. I'm sure that everyone here can give you some insight and help you through this.

Weaver

Weaver,

Correct me if I am wrong,but,I didn't post anything...um harsh to you before now did I? I will support anyone,OP too,if they are willing to end their A involvement.It's no secret that I loathe the homewrecker involved with my WH but she has never once apologized for what she has done(she really wants my WH to leave everything he knew) nor does she even care what anyone thinks on his side of the family.Oddly enough I am not as angry as I was but it may come across that way sometimes.Something touches a nerve and I am back to fuming.I cannot stand injustice or unfairness.I also cannot stand selfishness.

You said once before that you thought I didn't like you.It's more that I don't like the actions of people and it gets me mad.I have very high expectations/standards of people and when they don't adhere I admittedly get upset.But they are not unreasonable or unrealistic expectations.It is what I expect of myself or how I would expect God to be proud of.

I know one day I will get over this adultery but it will linger in my mind like a bad dream.Hopefully one day it will only be a distant memory but right now,it touches every aspect of my life.I am working on getting past that.

Adultery is more like a scar I think.Sometimes stains can be removed.A scar is there forever,reminding you of the trauma you endured.It's ugly,malformed,apparent.It can be covered with clothes,or makeup,but it's still there.

As for your ex "boyfriend" well...he is like the rest of them(WS's): insensitive,selfish and a sorry excuse for a man. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

O

P.S. I have had my heart hurt before but this was a full blown tear it in half trauma.

<small>[ August 14, 2004, 09:55 AM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

Octobergirl -

No, you have never said anything harsh to me. Just from reading your posts I could see how angry you were. I just looked at your timeline and see how soon this really has been for you.

You have a lot of moxy, like I think Mel does. And I can't wait until you get back to your old self, well you won't get back there, but to your new self and all of this is a distant bad dream. I think your personality is going to rock!

Your WH is a fool, thats all I can say.