Hey Mom! Do you want him to go to MC? If not, don't call him. Do you go to IC too? If not maybe going alone would be helpful to you.

When my H was deep in the fog I stopped MC. I'm not saying that was the right thing to do. However, I did not want to spend the time listening to all his foggy crappola. Your H is about as fogged out as one can get. Now, if he starts acting serious about dumping the "B", I would definitely have him talk to Steve. I'm sure Steve could negotiate through all the bull****.

I wouldn't call him with the address. Keep him guessing. For all he knows you might not be going. Let HIM make the effort. Let HIM make the appt. If he wants to save your M let HIM kick in. Just my humble opinion! CV

Hi Mom !

Took forever for me to get logged back in..
Kept saying no such screen name <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

As far as the counseling appt Tuesday. He knows the counselors name. He can get his own directions. You go and dont call him. You know as soon as he get back into his work mode he will start the "missing" thing again. Stay strong, not answering the phone will be great, it will drive him nuts.

Also dont give out to much info here. Once you go completely dark you know he will log in and read.

Dad, if you are reading this, KNOW I am encouraging Mom... Not to be angry, just to get EVERYTHING <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

I know not the MB'ers way But it's the California way <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<small>[ August 15, 2004, 08:45 PM: Message edited by: StressedOutMom ]</small>

Opps Double post

<small>[ August 15, 2004, 08:43 PM: Message edited by: StressedOutMom ]</small>

MT3B -

Looking for an update...

I liked your H's explanation for why he went back to her. It sounds like my H's explanation for why my arm got broken. It was my fault because I put my hands up to protect my face. He was just going to punch my shoulder.

FOG....

Cherished

momto..

over and over I ask when do you give what is his responsibility in creating and orchestrating totally over to him..

and free yourself from his chaos and insane rationalizations...

when are you going to quit being part of it...


you get him to leave ..then you powerstruggle stupid issues like him attending marriage counseling...

over and over I ask why....

when are you taking focus off of him....
when?
you are way to focused on the next call
the next fax
the next thrust to his parry...
the next hit his duck and dodge...

aren't you weary enough yet...
aren't you tired of spinning your wheels
aren't you tired of this same tango pattern of reaction...


ARK

Mom,

I've been on a hiatus from these boards (and still am, really, I just pop in once every few weeks).

I must say that although I'm not familiar with what's happened with you in the last month or two, I did follow your story up until a month or so ago.

I can't believe your H is still waffling around. You do need to remove yourself from this chaos. He is an accomplished cake eater now, and you can enable that or you can remove yourself from the equation, but you cannot make him do anything. You know this, I'm just verifying it.

You have done *everything* you can. You are such a strong woman, it is incredible.

Hi, I am new here. A friend recommended this site on another message board, so I thought I would make a visit. My husband and I go through times where I contemplate divorce, but he has never cheated on me. I read your post and my immediate reaction would be to kick this man in the nuts and divorce his *ss. You deserve so much more than a man crapping on you and constantly disappointing his children. Get rid of him and move on to a better life. Sorry for giving my two cents, but I felt compelled...

Mom,
Sounds like you are being sucked back in again. Do NOT believe any of his words. ACTIONS. REad SAA again, sweetie. You need Plan B. He is a bigtime cake eater, just like my H. No more worrying about any of his thoughts, actions or anything else. He needs to earn his way back into your life. First, NC once and for all!!! A PLAN for how to keep it. COMMITMENT to the M that HE initiates--no handholding about directions to the counselor, geez, this guy is a doctor, but his brain is gone! Don't talk to him about your M, or her, or anything else but finances and the care of your children. Hunker down Mom. He is in fogland deep. This could take a while. The scary thing is you really may not want him back by the time he pulls his head out.

Back to YOU, YOUR KIDS and THAT IS ALL!! Do what makes you happy, pray, care for your kids, get your friends to rally around you, go visit your family...anything YOU need to take care of yourself. Step out of his life for now, let him figure it out and get things straightened out. You cannot control him, you cannot get him to see the light, you cannot get him to take the steps the needs to take. He will have to do it himself. Give him the space and the time to realize what he is doing. Let it come to him as it most definitely will. It will be real when it is him seeing, believing and acting. Until then, it is just a ploy to keep you both taking care of him. He needs to mature, grow up and be real. You need to give him the space to do so. LET GO. We are here for you. You need to get peace and not be dragged around like ARK said by his craziness and chaos.

It took me a very long time to do this and my H continued contact with his OW for more than two years after d-day. The only things that ever worked were what I told you. That, and my finally loving myself enough to know that I would not tolerate continuing a M to someone who could continue contact any longer. I meant it and I still do. I am the better for the whole thing, as hard as it all was and sometimes is. In time you will see what you learn and grow about through this. You already are a much stronger, confident person than you were when you first posted (a few rounds ago!)

Praying for you.