Hi
I've been posting a bit on the divorce section, and it was recommented that I try here for somemore advice. I hope I can get some.

My H told me 8 months ago that he doesn't love me anymore, and has no intention of loving me again. At the time our kids were almost 3 and almost 1.

I tried to do Plan A as much as I could, but he works out of town every week so only had two days each week to do that. during that time I had lots of mixed messages but his verbal message stayed the same, he does not love me anymore and won;t again.

He moved out about a month ago and said he was seeing an attorney, no papers yet. He still has lots of things here and is getting more this weekend.

When we do talk it is pleasant and he seems to want to chit chat sometimes. Shoudl I do that? I did that for months, and did everything I could to fill LB, but even though I THOUGHT I was getting mixed messages he has continues to move further away.

Does anybody here have the experience of NO other woman? And since I've been posting on the Divorce section, could I hear from some people who have actually gotten back together?

Thanks for any help I can get. The kiddos and I need Dad back.

CM

I have no evidence of OW

hi CM!
welcome to GQII! well' let me start off by saying i'm sorry for the predicament you find yourself in. second, what does he mean by "he has no intention of loving you again?" love is not something you really control. i could be wrong, but it sounds like there may be an OW. it also sounds to me like he's intentionally trying to pull away from you, but is having difficulty, or else i dont believe it would matter to him one way or another if you were trying to make deposits to his LB.

what does he mean by "he has no intention of loving you again?" love is not something you really control.

I think he just means that nothing we do or try will get him to love me again. He refuses counseling or enything.

For the first 6 months he called me every day. Now we only talk regarding when we will see the kids. Do you think I should continue chit chat? Or just let him be by himself and see how things are? I had a MC tell me that I needed to get him to miss me, and that's been difficult because we were rarely together anyway.

I DO see how this marriage has fallen apart, nothing drastic, just slipping farther apart, due to life circumstances.

cm

hmm, this sounds like a tough one. i hope one of the veterans will step in with some advice for you. its hard to tell you what to try since you say you basically been leading separate lives for a long time now. did you try asking him flat out if there was an OW?

R u sure there isn't an A? Sure does smell like it. A's stink like a skunk.... you can smell it for miles... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

For you, get to an IC or MC ASAP. If you can schedule a phone counseling session with Steve H, it w/b good.

Read the concepts section, the books: surviving an affair by Dr W. Harley and Love must be tough by Dr. James Dobson.

I think you may need to go to plan B sooner than later but you need to understand and implement a good plan A first. You may already be doing some of it so don't let the plan names overwelhm you.

L.

I have asked about OW, and of course he says no. He has been spending more money than is necessary, although it could be gambling or something, and he told me he was putting some of it away to pay for his own place and an attoney.

He has been working about 150 miles away, and when he got his new place, it's here by me, so that's confusing if there is OW.

Also, I asked on the D place, when did spouses take off their wedding rings? Mine is still wearing his.

cm

I just can't believe this heart-wrenching pain. I never thought I'd be going through this. we used to talk and he was always the one worried that I would leave HIM!

Hi country mama. Listen to Orchid. There is an OW. I can smell her from California. But don't despair, we can help you.

It is very miserable at first, but things will get better. Keep reading and posting, and work on the only thing you can change - you.

I agree with the others it sounds much like a ow is in the picture. We could be wrong (hope so)but be prepared to take care of yourself and kids just incase something comes to surface.
Keep posting and as orchid said get to IC or MC asap. love is not something you can turn on and off like a light switch. sounds to me like he has some serious issues he needs to deal with.

One of my questions is do men turn things around after this long of a time? This all started in Jan.

He is outside right now loading up his landcruiser and taking the kids with him for the night. No papers and still wearing his ring. I'm pretty sure that I saw him trying to check my finger to see if I was wearing mine. I am. I hope I can hold back the tears until he's gone. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

cm

Usually men end up back in their marriages. But it won't be much fun in the meantime. Start working on you, and put him on the back burner.

SO, do I chit chat with him when he wants to, or do I be firendly but not friends?

Why is he still wearing his ring????

cm

You should stay in Plan A, and you can read all about it on the link in my sig. line. He wears his ring because he thinks that will fool you.

well he just dropped off the kids and told me to expect an attorney to serve me divorce papers this week. I can't stop crying and I want to crawl into a hole and die!!

Somebody please tell me what to do next. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

CM,

It is almost certain he is having an affair. EVen though he says he is getting a divorce, that doesn't mean it will happen.

You really need to find out what is really going on here. You can't do anything until you find out. Can you have him followed? Can you hire a P.I.?

What has happened in the marriage that has made him unhappy? Were y'all living apart for awhile? What were his complaints about your M?

My H has been working out of town for 6 years, and in the meantime we have had two children. He only comes home on weekends after working 60 hour weeks, and is alwyas tired, and of course I was tired from raising two chldren by myslef ( 1 and 3) So, a lot of neglect and being apart has caused us to grow apart. That, in a nutshell, is all that has happened. He refuses counseling, and just says he does not love me anymore.

What do I do when I am served papers?

cm

I am so tired from crying I can't even think about how to get dinner for my kiddos. Is it terrible if they eat fast food for a few days?

cm

CM, I don't know if there is any hope, but the 2 things I can think of is stalling the divorce while you try and find out what is going on here.

How do you react to him when he calls you? Are you polite and civil or have you been angry and tearful? How would you describe your behavior since this has been going on?