I'm including some of an email I got from car4love today. Lately, when OM and she make the exchange of their 2-year-old, he ranges from surly to nasty. I'll call him WH from her perspective. I guess it would be nice to get some impressions of his mood and attitude.

Quick background: M 12 years, one DD (2), car4love is 4 months pregnant. This morning I saw the sparrow's car at OM/WH's house. Today the sparrow left for a trip overseas with her grandmother, who does not like this A one bit (it happened to her long ago and grandpa Ded her and abandoned the family), and who I wrote a nice letter to last week.

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The guy is messed up. the whole while that DD was with him i was way down.

i put on a beautiful act though when i went to pick her back up. i made sure that i was just a couple of minutes late--and called to tell him that i was running a bit behind and i would see the two of them in two or three minutes. left that message on his phone. they were in the coffee shop by that time, sitting at the windows. i took the long way around and came at the coffee shop from a different direction. he saw that. i pulled up with my music loud and singing to my hearts content. jumped out and fairly skipped over to the shop. our eyes met through the window and i smiled. i came through the door and smiled big at DD. WH wasnt rude this time. his eyes looked red. DD wanted to come to me so he went out ahead to his car to take the car seat out. we hung back a bit and then i bounced her across the parking lot to him smiling and talking to her the whole time. he kind of smiled for a minute. i noticed that there was a whole pile of tissues on the floor of his car that werent there earlier. maybe he really misses the sparrow already or something, but....after he said bye to DD i said 'drive careful' (assuming that he is going up north for the weekend). he said something like 'have a good weekend'. DD and i drove chatting away. my charade worked for me. i felt a little better after that. still down and sad though. he is such a loser and i miss him--i think. or do i just miss having that kind of a relationship? am i just lonely? well yes,..... so stupid this whole game. i hate these kind of games. i like what that thread said. so true. if you feel the urge to write, please do. maybe it would jar him?

sorry to harp on his stupidity, but know what else WH said earlier today? he asked me if i had any other appointments set up. i said no. i asked if he had ever gotten the email about the babys heartrate. he said 'yup' in a very flip way....no further comment. still didnt even comment on my feeling the baby move for the first time. i had emailed that to him and got no response whatsoever. what a jerk.

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She was referring earlier to me writing OM/WH and I mentioned some of the points in weaver's "what changed my mind" thread.

She is starting to do a good plan A. She got a late start, and she is bothered by the thought that it's phony.

GC

Her Plan A is no phonier than Sparrow and his "love". It sounds like she is getting the hang of it. After she practices it for awhile, it will become easier, and more real.

I hope her baby is okay. All of this stress must be awful for her.

My WH's OW's husband and I have become great friends. We talk all of the time. And don't worry folks - we are keeping it as a friendship.

Car4love -

I was just going to log off when I saw Gray's thread for you.

I wanted to tell you that my thoughts have been with you a lot. Your situation is heartwrenching. I was going through this when I was pregnant with my daughter and her father was running around on me. I got through it but lost my love for him. He is now a good friend and good dad -

and I wish the same for you if you lose your love for him, which I think is a very big possibility.

Car4love, you are a very strong & loving person and it shows by how you are handling this. We can't help it if we love someone who is hurting us and our babies, we can only go through it. I don't believe we can stop loving someone by sheer will power, so the feelings you still have for him are no indication of weakness or stupidty on your part.

I wish you the very best and know that you will be blessed 10 fold someday...probably sooner than you think.

Take care,
Weaver

very big kudos to car4love's behavior/plan A!! she's a pro at it already. it does feel phony and it's not fair but unfortunately this is what we have to do because we are not the one's in the fog and we know that this "stuff" works. like SH said, it's getting them (WS) to do something they don't want to do (end the A and return to the M). the fact that the BS can be upbeat no matter how nasty the WS is doesn't allow the WS to use anything against us and therefore provides tension to the A even if it's tension inside themselves (WS) because we are basically not giving them good reasons for them to continue what they are doing or to D for that matter.

prayers to all, RR