Well yesterday my husband took off to North Carolina stating that he wanted to hang out with his buddies. Yeah funny thing is I use to hear that before when he met OW who lives in South Carolina about 4 hour from his friends place. I was so strong all week... No Lb's at all. I went to MC by myself because he made up some excuse about being late from work. I was so much at peace and removed from his chaos. But when he left even though I had plans with him stating he didn't want to spend time with me that hurt so much.

I called him asking him to not go to stay and go to the beach with me. He just kept saying sorry I can't do that. Next time. Well he left and called me a few times to see how my day was going. Then I called him later that night. I told him I loved him and he said I don't deserve your love. I said what is that suppose to mean. Sounds like your going to meet her again. Well he got so upset and frustrated. Started screaming at me on the phone. Told me he didn't want to be married anymore. That I didn't seem to understand that he doesn't want to try. I broke down. I am almost 7 months pregnant and very sensitive. I should have just said I had to go but I didn't. We argued for awhile. He said he wants a divorce. Said he feels pushed in a corner because his whole family is against what he is doing. Kept saying he wasn't meeting OW that I could think what I wanted.

Well we hung up and I spend the night at my SIL house. About ten this morning I called him to apologize for getting upset with him and stuff. His sister took the phone from me and told him that he needed to grow up and that I am pregnant and he is causing me so much stress. That he needed to realize what goes around comes around and gave me the phone back. That just ticked him off more. He started really raising his voice telling me fine I will do the right thing and not care about myself or how I feel. I will just stay for you and the kids and make you guys happy. He said he made his bed now he has to lie in it. That really really hurt me.

Well later on I called him and he turned his cell off. I think he did go to meet the girl. Even though he said he wasn't. I think he blow up at me because this is a way he can justify with himself for doing this. Making me feel bad for doubting him all the while he is meeting her. I just think I am almost done. I really really can't handle much more of this. I have nobody to talk to. I don't want to talk to my mom she has so much on her now. I just feel like crying and crying. I love him so much I just don't understand why he is doing this. He went from a man that made me feel like a princess to a cold uncaring jerk. How can he do this to me and our kids. He acts like we were a mistake. That leaving and becoming single again is a instant cure. And what really bothers me is that he keeps saying it's not about this OW but he can't seem to stop calling her and seeing her every few months..

Sorry for the long post... Just needed to get this off my chest.

<small>[ August 14, 2004, 09:12 PM: Message edited by: SadMarylandLady ]</small>

well, if it makes you feel any better, im having a day just like yours.my h and i had plans all week to go to his nephews b day party. he gets up this morning all happy gets dressed and kisses me goodbye. i thought fine, if he doesnt want to go we wont. i changed my mind and called him 10 minutes later and asked werent we going? said he forgot and told me to meet him on the north side and we would go from there. first he makes me park my car all the way around the block of his friends shop, then we drive to the b day party in silence. i try to make small talk, but he's having none of that. we stay at b day party exactly 1 and a half hours and leave. he's still uncommunicative on the way home. or should i say so i can pick up my car and go back home, and he can hang out with his buddies. so i tell him to stop by the shop so i can go to the bathroom. he tells me oh no you dont want to use THAT bathroom! its so dirty! i say yes the **** i do want to use that bathroom so stop dammit before i pee my pants!! so he drives up to the shop at 60 miles an hour, slams on the brakes when we get there, turns to me and snarls you really think im stupid dont you!? i said are you crazy? so i tell my daughter get the hell out the truck and go sit in my car. when i come out my d is by the side of his truck listening to his conversation with his friend. i say nothing to h and drive home 40 minutes crying the whole way. i called him and said i dont want you to treat me so badly anymore. he said hes busy and he'll call back i. i talk to d and ask what was he saying to his friend since she was spying? she said he was telling his buddy that i thought there was a OW in there that i think im so smart, that he just didnt want to take me to that dirty bathroom, that all this bull**** isnt him.... yada yada. so i call h back and tell him why the hell is he telling his stupid friends about our business? that what did he mean by this **** isnt him? he repeated what d had already told me. i said i swear on our lives i didnt think some ho was in the shop.(and i didnt, i thought he was hiding me, and i wanted to make my presence felt)i said do you believe me? he said yeah i guess. i said what about what you said to your friend? he said dont worry about that. WTF!!?? i said i wanted to go to the bathroom and you want a divorce? so basically, we have been arguing , his brother called here and i burst into tears when he asked how family life is going. now h will probably use this as an excuse to stay out all nite. and on top of that i lost my job yesterday. i feel like driving my car into the lake.(not serious!)like you, i just want to know where the man who was my best friend who use to love me more than anything went? who is this hateful angry person in his place? did the love evaporate? and no, i have no proof of another w. i know this stinks to high heaven of an A, but i cant find any proof. and me looking for it pisses him off. does anyone know how to install gps in someones car? sorry SML if my post was too long.

The more I find out the more it hurts. My husbands cellphone company called because he just the got the phone 7 days ago and already has 600 peak minutes used. That is 200 and some minutes over his free minutes... And they told me a large amount that he is going to pay. That hurts so bad because he said he was only using it for emergency. I thought he would be more responsible than he is being. Also I pretty much know he is with her now... I haven't decided yet if I will be here when he comes home. I am leaning more towards moving back with my mom for a few weeks till I can clear my head and think. ARghhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Everyone says to stop crying because of the baby... but how do you stop when your hurting so bad?????

try calling a friend or a family member. i just got off the phone with one of my girls and i told her the story, crying the whole time, and i asked her so do you think im crazy? she said yep. your nutty as a fruitroll,especially after i told her my idea of installing a tracking system in his car! LOL. that wasnt exactly the kind of help i was looking for but at least she made me feel better.do you think you would rather know or not know?my friend also said she didnt think she would want to know because it would hurt, and i told her but NOT KNOWING is driving me insane! she said all things eventually come to light. aaaarrrgggg!!!!! until then i twiddle my thumbs, shreik and go nuts? i just dont know how to find out for sure.

Tell the phone company to shut the phone down. Say something like, that doesn't sound like my H maybe someone else has been using that phone. What phone numbers are all these minutes being used up on anyways? Tell them you are 7 months pregnant and bedridden (something like that).

Leave a message for the WS and say that this stressed you all out that now you have to spend the weekend in bed c/b bleeding or something. Leave that message now so he has all Sunday to stress about the condition he caused. Assume he will also tell the OW.

When he comes back and if you want him out, tell him to leave or you may get stressed again. When is your next doctor's visit. Tell the doctor what you are going through and let him give your H a dose of reality.

BTW, that crap about "He started really raising his voice telling me fine I will do the right thing and not care about myself or how I feel. I will just stay for you and the kids and make you guys happy. He said he made his bed now he has to lie in it. That really really hurt me.' That is nothing but fog babble.

He already made his bed, ask him what other bed was he lying in?!?? Then say something like 'U think our family w/b happy with a grouchy WS (yea call him WS), I don't think so. If you can't do it for real then, maybe you don't deserve us. You can pay through the nose for our upkeep as the law requires but you don't deserve our happiness at your expense.' (reverse fog babble).... let him mull that in his A brain. You may see smoke coming out of his ears. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

L.

Orchid
You made me smile... I feel so bad right now though.. Feels like I got a fever and shaky... I really don't understand how he can go be with her 10 hours away and let me sit home pregnant and alone worrying, crying, and stressed. ... He thinks his only option right now is to leave me because he doesn't want to hurt me anymore... When I say then don't hurt me do the right thing and try in our marriage.. He said that is the point I don't want to try... Yeah probably fog but it's hurts... And I have been putting up with this since Dec.

<small>[ August 14, 2004, 11:02 PM: Message edited by: SadMarylandLady ]</small>

U really need your rest. Glad to bring a smile. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Pamper yourself this weekend. Get some chicken soup.

Hope you feel better. See U can even use your illness to make him feel guilty. I never forgot the time our son got real sick. He had an asthma attack and I had to rush him to ER.

WS was on his way to Yosemite with OW. He did not even come to the hospital. I never forgave him for that incident. Still makes my blood boil. I called him on his cell and reamed him over the coals. How dare he! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> He felt guilty but to me that just wasn't enough.

Rest up and let us know how you are doing.

Hugz,
L.

I feel somewhat better this morning. A little more stronger. I may go spend the next few weeks living with my mom and dad. I don't know yet. He has not talked to me since about noon yesterday. He has shut off his cell so nobody could bother them I guess.

I feel like leaving him a letter just telling him everything about how I am feeling right and other stuff. I just don't know him anymore. He has turned into a major a** in the last 8 months. Why do they do this? Do they ever just wake up and realize things and start becoming that person you married again?

Yes, they usually do come out of it. So take care of you, and forget about him for now. Was that your husband posting under Eternal Poet?

Yes believer that was him... He is so not my husband right now...

He never posted back to me. I didn't know that was your husband, but knew for sure that the person posting was a WS. He posted the typical fogtalk (or should we raise it to snow talk)?

<small>[ August 15, 2004, 10:38 AM: Message edited by: believer ]</small>

He still has his cell turned off. He can't even lie anymore. He pretty much does this stuff now not caring if I know or not. I am full of so many why's today. And so many questions that will probably always go unanswered. I have decided not to stay at my mom's but when he gets here I really have nothing to say to him. I may even sleep on the air mattress in my 3 year olds room.

His actions are right out of the WS handbook. It is a waste of time trying to figure out why he is so callous - he is addicted, and doing the things that addicts do. Of course he does not realize this.

I just don't know what to do... Do I stay? Do I go? I want him still and that makes me feel stupid.. How could anyone still love someone after they continue to do this? But I do

Your feelings are perfectly normal. We all feel stupid to keep on loving.

You need to say and be in Plan A. Come here to vent. I think your WH will wake up.

So how do I act when he comes home tonight? I don't mention anything about him probably being with her and such?

No - You stay in Plan A. You are probably a mess right now. But clean yourself up, clean the house, have some music playing, and cook something for dinner. Give him what he is not expecting.

I have lots of hope for your marriage, but you need to get into the MB program.

That will be my ultimate test... I called and left a message on his voicemail. I told him I need to talk to him... But so far no calls. I told him I was feeling really bad. That my stomach hurts, I'm shaky, and feel like I have to vomit. But he does not even care enough to call me and check on me.

Up until now he has not had sex with this girl. I have a feeling if he did meet her again that this time they did. And that really really hurts so bad. I feel all alone... With nobody to talk to and this stress is not good for the baby. I don't know if I have it in me to act all sweet to him when he gets here. I may take my 3 year old to bed about 8 and just sleep in there tonight..

When you read his stuff he posted believer did it give you the impression that he was going to do the right thing?

When I read his postings, it seemed to me like he was still deeply in the fog. But I do believe that he will be back with you.

It does no good to be sick, shaky, or vomiting. Once you start reading here, you will see they are all the same. We have perfect examples here since the hurricane in Florida.

One BW if Florida, in the path of the hurricane, was left completely alone with her son to evacuate. WH was with his OW. How sick is that?

The other one here is a LT in the fire department in Florida. His wife refused to let him know where she and the kids were evacuating to. So he had to go to work, not knowing if they were safe.

So expect your WH not to care at all. Right now, he is temporarily insane. But it probably won't last.

He called me and told me that he wants out. That we have to set down and discuss a way to make it easy on both of us. That his mind is made up. That he doesn't want to try. Kept saying it was not about her. When I asked if he went to see her he kept saying that is not important. I can't see why he is willing to throw our whole life away and mess up the kids life for his own happiness and pleasure. He keeps saying that he has turned into the [censored] he never wanted to be. I said well then don't be.. He said you don't get it... I don't want to change. I am selfish and I want to make my own self happy. Do I still do plan A?? He said he wants to leave but I am thinking I should just do plan A till he actually acts upon it.