I received my divorce settlement papers today. I left message with WH and told him I'm not signing unless he puts in the papers he committed adultry and abandonment. I'm not going sign a piece a paper saying we were incompatible in marriage. That is where I disagree.

Its not fair that I'm being sued for divorce when I'm the one who tried to save the marriage. Am I being difficult here.

I also mention if I'm going to sign the papers I'm not going to a notary. I have been through enough, and now I have to go to someone in town and have them watch me sign papers, I really don't want to sign.

Maybe I'm just p***ed. He hasn't called me back. It's a Saturday night in Las Vegas and probably out with the OW, while I'm here in NJ with now Tropical Storm Charley.

HD2,

Sorry for the bad mail. If you don't notarize the doc, isn't it no longer a valid legal document?

L.

I guess I should have papers notarized when some changes are made in the papers.

Reading back my post, I seem so angry. It still hurts so bad. I don't know what would have been worse, him staying in town were I would run into him with the OW, or him living thousands of miles away with the OW and not knowing.

I wished he waited out the eighteen months here in NJ. It would have given me time to save my marriage. Now he lives in Vegas with a mail box rental address, doing God knows what.

He not only abandon me but his parents also. No one knew where he was until I was served in July.

I don't know if I'm making a mistake by trying to resolve the divorce peacefully. I want him to remember me for who I am, a person who never wanted anything from him except love and respect. There was never any alternative motives or malipulation in our relationship, but he left me for a woman who not only cheated on her H but deliberately went out and detroyed my marriage.

Maybe there was anger in my voice when I called my WH. Maybe it will make him realize that I'm suffering and you can't just push me aside and treat me like dirt. I know he is still in a fog and he will see the anger as some type of revenge.

I'm trying my best to stay sane and not let my WH and OW get the best of my emotions. I know I'm a wonderful person who loves her H with all her heart even though my heart has been broken and I'm not going to let them destroy me by feeling bitter.

If there wasn't any chance to save my marriage, he robbed me of the right to file for DV, since I had all the grounds. It doesn't seem fair that I'm the one being sued.

Why can't you file for abandonment and D? Even now?

You don't have to be 'nice' to him. He left you. You can angry. Just be careful how you express it.

L.

<small>[ August 15, 2004, 11:48 AM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

I contact about six NJ lawyers and they did not want to touch my case. They wanted me to get a Nevada lawyer. After talking to three Nevada attorneys they told me the DV will go through and all we would be doing is fighting over how to split up the assets. Under Nevada law I can't file abandonment and I would have to be a Nevada resident to countersue the D.

What makes this sticky is that we were married in Las Vegas. According to one Nevada attorney, since we were married in Las Vegas, I can't change the venue over to NJ. Every lawyer I talked to said something different and since I'm unfamiliar with Nevada law, I'm like a fish out of water.

Even if I found a lawyer here in NJ to countersue, I don't have a physical address where to have my WH served. I don't know where he works to have him served there. The only thing I have on him is a mail rental box and his lawyers address.

His lawyer sent me four documents to sign.
1) Answer to the Complaint of Divorce
2) Marital Property & Debt Settlement
3) Decree of Divorce
4) Waiver to Counsel

BTW-My Wh hasn't got back to me. He mostly calls me right away or maybe he can't free himself from the OW to talk. Who knows.

Uhmmmmm, please take these documents to an attorney, and DO NOT sign that last one. You can hope that your WH's attorney is ethical... but I guarantee you that he's not working on things that are in your interests. He's working on your WH's best interests and those don't line up anymore.

Also, you never know where life is going to take you. Don't assume anything. Figure out what's right for YOU to do.... and then get it done. In your case, I'd suggest that the best thing in the world would be about a year of absolutely no contact with your WH, and no dating anyone else either.

Not for the usual Plan B reasons -- but for the REAL reason that Plan B exists. For your own personal recovery and growth as a human. You've been through a hell that will leave a mark on you forever, and it's important that that mark be one of compassionate strength. -That- is worth spending a year on.

I don't know what to do. I do feel quesey signing the last one waiving my right to counsel.

I don't know if a NJ lawyer will even want to read the Nevada papers. It seems to me every lawyer I talked to didn't want to get involved with another state proceedings.

My WH found his lawyer through the yellow pages. He told me he selected this law firm because they had the biggest ad. One of the lawyers I did talked to say they are a good firm.

It doesn't seem fair. First I was cheated on, then he left and now he is another state thousands of miles away and filed for DV. Maybe all states should have the same DV proceedings, but that won't make the lawyers happy. Nevada makes it to easy to get a DV, which isn't fair for this life long NJ resident.

Also am I wrong to demand adultry as the reason for the divorce and not incompatible in marriage.
We were very compatiable until the OW step in. The only reason for the divorce is that he cheated and shouldn't all legal documents state the truth.

HopelesslyDevoted2,
I am new to the forums so I do not know your story as yet ( I will do a search later) Please Please take Just J's advice you need a lawyer to protect your interest. It would certainly be worth the money. I would contact a lawyer in nevada to represent me.

My STBX walked out on me New Years Eve. I have been ill off and on all my life (He knew this when he begged me to marry him) I have IPF a lung disorder that is terminal.( Here is a site that will explain what I have to face http://www.california.com/~emile/Index.html ) He filed against me Jan. 9, 2004 and thought he would be a free man in 30 days. Well he seemed to forget that I am unable to make a living and have no means to support myself. In my case the settlement is really important so that all my needs will be met as I get sicker and sicker. In my case he will have to pay all my lawyers fees.

All I am saying is this he can get the divorce and you can't stop that, but........ the list you posted:

1) Answer to the Complaint of Divorce
2) Marital Property & Debt Settlement
3) Decree of Divorce
4) Waiver to Counsel

Well you need to get a lawyer right away to protect yourself.This could really mess you up if you don't. If you don't have the funds to retain a Nevada Lawyer , go to friends ,family bank anyone who might loan you enough to retain him. As I stated you might be able to your fees paid by your STBX.

I hope you do not think I am trying to get all up in your business , I just do not want to see you mess your life up and believe me if you sign those papers with the advice from a Nevada Lawyer I am afraid you will regret it later. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />


The sites below are laws regarding divorce in Nevada.

http://www.leg.state.nv.us/NRS/NRS-123.html#NRS123Sec270

http://www.leg.state.nv.us/NRS/NRS-125.html#NRS125Sec010

This is the main directory I used to pull the two I listed above from. Just thought I would list it just in case you wanted to take a look.
http://www.leg.state.nv.us/NRS/Index.cfm


I pray everything goes well for you. I will be thinking about you. Let us know how everything is going. If you need someone to talk to, PM me with an email addy. I use MSN and Yahoo chat so if you use either one we can talk real time ok?

Littlebit870

I have to agree you need a lawyer in your best interests. My neighbor was in a similiar predictament to you. Although her H basically bullied her into signing. Saying she would get nothing if she didn't or if she got a lawyer. He was basically out of work etc etc. She also signed a waiver to counsel. Guess what before the divorce was even final her H had gotten remarried to OW took all his finances out of hiding, had a great job bought a million dollar house, takes their kids on great vacations, while she struggles to put food on the table AND her alimony is only for 5 years(in small print in the divorce). Now shes as mad as heck and her pain has cleared but she can't go back to court because she signed the waiver and something else that says if she does she loses everything.

protect yourself.
km4

Oh by the way you can deny the grounds in your Answer to the Complaint of Divorce. In my answer I agreed to the factual stuff about our marriage, date we were married when he left etc. but as to the allegations as to my being at fault In my answer it said
1. Defendant (Me) denies all allegations that I was at fault.
2. We also asked that the court should order Plaintiff (Him) to pay all attorney fees and cost incurred by Defendant (Me) for the necessity of defending this cause of action.
3. Defendant (Me) reserves the right to file a counter claim and/or to amend and plead further.
4. We also stated Plaintiff (Him) is without grounds for divorce and, therefore ,his complaint should be dismissed.

You need to get a Nevada Lawyer to file your answer to the Complaint of Divorce ASAP. this does not mean you will not give him his divorce just that you a chance to defend yourself as not being at fault.

PM me Girlfriend I think I can help you in making your decision on what to do. I have been going through this since December 2003. I have done lots of reading on the subject and I have a kickbutt lady lawyer! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I just hate to see you do something that will hurt you in the longhaul.

littlebit870

Oh I forgot to post this link. Ok I will shut up ! Please forgive me for being so outspoken I just worry when I read post like yours because I care.

http://www.divorcenet.com/nv/nv-divorce.html


Littlebit870 ( Heads to the corner for a time out <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> )

Thanks for the advice.

LB870-Sorry about your illness and everything you had to endure. My prayers are with you.

It might be to late to answer back. I had twenty days when I was summons to answer back. I listen to WH and we agreed to work this out two weeks ago.

At the time I didn't know I would be ask to sign a waiver to my right to counsel. We agreed to use his attorney as a mediator.

My WH told me as soon as I receive the papers, I can call him anytime and we will review. I haven't heard back from him. I left a message on Saturday and I was a little angry in the message I left.

I might have messed up everything for me by not getting a lawyer and trusting my WH.

We had an agreement when he left that we wouldn't make any major decision without discussing it first with each other. Well a guess that promise and the other ones like to love and cherish to death to us part, didn't mean much to him.

Also how do I know if I'm legally divorce, will I receive more papers? Do it have to go through the courts first? Maybe I was stupid in trusting my Wh again. I was willing to compromise, the problem was he wasn't.

Also as a defendant, if I don't have an attorney, can't the court appoint me one.

As far as the courts giving you a lawyer that is only true in crimmnal cases.

Are you saying you were served your summons 2 weeks ago? or are the first papers you received the ones you received on the 14 or 15? If you official Papers either by registered mail or by a process sever 2 weeks ago yes you have missed out on being able to file an answer. But if the first papers you have received were the ones on the 14 or 15 than you still have time. You should have 20 days from the time you signed for the papers ( I am of course assuming his lawyer sent these by registered mail? )

People getting divorced should always have there own Lawyer using his lawyer is not the way to go. His lawyer is being paid to get your H the best deal he can.


Littlebit870

HopelesslyDevoted2,
It just dawned on me that they do not have Private Messages here. Do you like most of us belong to Surviving Infidelity Forums? If you do great if not, use the link above and go join that forum. They have private messages on that forum I use the same name there as here. Go and PM from there so we can exchange email addys in private. You need to talk to someone who has your interest in mind. I just do not want you to be screwed and I think thats where you are headed.
Let me know I will keep checking both sites.

Here For You
littlebit870


[URL=http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/welcome.asp][/URL]

Sorry I screwed up the link code here it is
forums

I hope I did it right this time <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING UNTIL YOU GET IT REVIEWED BY A COMETENT ATTORNEY!
And you need to do this ASAP (or sooner).

Were you served the papers by a process server or did he just mail them to you?

(I'm not a lawyer so ask a real one)
In order to be sure you are aware of the divorce, you have to get the papers in one of three ways.
1 - You get served by a court approved process server. He signs a document that says he handed you the papers personally.
2 - You receive the papers in the mail and sign a waiver stating you received them. This is returned to the court as verification.
3 - If wherabouts are unknown, 28 days notice in the newspaper legal section at your last known whereabouts.

Even if I found a lawyer here in NJ to countersue, I don't have a physical address where to have my WH served.
His lawyers address may be good enough to have him served. You would need to find out through the NJ courts.

According to one Nevada attorney, since we were married in Las Vegas, I can't change the venue over to NJ.
That's a load of crap. Divorce is done in the state of residence. You both lived in NJ for more than 6 months after getting married, correct?

Every lawyer I talked to said something different and since I'm unfamiliar with Nevada law, I'm like a fish out of water.
You need to find one who specializes in divorce and has done out of state cases.

Conatct your local Bar association and they should be able to refer you to someone. This is a link and lists them by counties.
New Jersey State Bar Association Referral Sevice