This is an abridged version of the letter I recieved from my wife's solicitor. I'll post this in the Divorce section of the forum as well but I really want some input on what to do next when I contact my solicitor and start the ball rolling. I am a complete novice when it comes to legal matters and where I stand.

Dear Sir

We understand that our client has moved out of the home as an interim measure. You will appreciate that you both have joint parental responsibility at this stage and we understand that interim contact has been agreed.

We understand that the current contact schedule is essentially that (Son) stays with his Mother from Monday until Friday then you have contact from Friday evening until Monday morning.

In addition, our client would wish to keep (Son) every third weekend out of four. We would then suggest whether you wish to have contact the following week and if so, please confirm. We would confirm that our client wishes to keep (Son) on the weekend commencing the 21st August 2004.

Clearly, once the former matrimonial home has been sold and both parties housing has been resolved. In addition with (Son) commencing school, then our client will be in a position to put forward a contact schedule for your consideration. We would propose that this be dealt with at a later stage.

We are writing to confirm that we have been instructed on behalf of (Wife) and are writing to you in respect of the matrimonial breakdown. Our client has come to the decision that the marriage has broken down and she wishes to resolve matters by way of divorce proceedings. We have advised her in this respect and confirm that we will be shortly preparing divorce proceedings on the basis of your unreasonable behaviour.

As far as financial matters are concerned, we will require a full financial disclosure in order to advise our client.

We appreciate that (Wife) has moved out of the home as an interim measure and understand that while you remain in the home, you will be paying all the outgoings.

When I see my solicitor there are a few points I want to challenge.

1) Since my Wife left I have been having my son as often as possible. Earlier in the month I looked after him for 10 days in a row. Certainly not the Friday evening to Monday morning scenario my wife has described. Will this help my case?

2) I can understand my wife wanting to have my Son every 3rd weekend out of 4. She needs to spend quality time with him. I'm not sure about the wording of the letter but does this mean that I am entitled to make up the lost weekend where my son is at my wifes by seeing my son for an equal amount of time during the following weekdays?

3) My unreasonable behaviour. The reason the marriage is in this state is because my Wife had an AFFAIR! I want her back but if that is not to be then I want her to acknowledge that our marrige broke down because she CHEATED. Can I contest this, I have proof that she engaged in an affair before she left. On the OM's internet profile he kept a diary which he updated regularly. It shows how he hounded my wife for the month before I confronted her. I can also access credit card statements which show that my wife booked a weekend in a travel lodge with OM to consumate their affair the following weekend she left me. Mutual friends were also present during the 4 day period between confrontation and my wife leaving where we openly discussed her affair. The OM is also sleeping at my inlaws and my Son is a witness to that. I really do want to contest this part and if possible Name the OM as the 3rd party which led to the breakdown of the marriage.

Are there any benefits to naming the OM officially?

How do I stand on this and what should I expect if I follow this route?

4)The house is in all 3 of our names. (Mine, Wifes and FIL's) I am not in a financial position to continue paying the bills for much longer. When my wife left our benefits were stopped (I am on a poor wage) Can I make them part responible for the paying of the mortgage until the house is sold?

5) My wife pops into the house to collect stuff whilst I am at work. Now it has been recognised that she has left the home can I prevent her from entering the house without my prior knowledge and permission?

Thankyou. If I think of any more questions I'll post them later.

It's hard not to take personally the crap lawyers and solicitors can put out. Consider that they are acting on what your wife has told them and for all practical purposes, they are merely her mouthpiece through a legal filter. Garbage in, garbage out.

All of your points have merit for your lawyer's response. Like she did with her's, describe everything to yours from your perspective. By all means, with sufficient evidence, you can name OM and the affair regarding her behavior and have it all on the record.

But this doesn't mean this is what you ought to do if you still want your marriage. Responding point by point and rebutting her assertions won't promote any end to the affair or promote recovery. It'll just piss her off.

I'm not saying you should roll over - far from it. You should stick to your guns regarding your son's custody and fight for all you can get regarding him and any financial issues. Your attorney should also make it clear that you do not want a divorce and that her abandonment of the home and subsequent decision to dissolve the marriage have thus far been unilateral decisions on her part.

You may be in a very strong position since she left and you didn't. This is probably why her solicitor is playing the "unreasonable behavior" card. He has to because he needs SOME reason to justify her decision to leave - and it can't be OM. For now, just humor them on this point. The facts speak for themselves.

unreasonable behaviour
is a catch all used in Dv proceedings by many solicitors. In some states in the US they CAN be used adversely from my readings in areas of asset splits and custody. You really need proper legal advice to see if this effects you in any way and if there is any advantage to putting your points forward. I mean in no fault states it may mean NOTHING to try get the grounds changed EXCEPT where it may be a useful legal ploy to lodge your own DV proceedings if their is an advantage to do so.
As for your son, fight it all the way as far as your lawyer says is sensible. I mean if you agreed to her proposal you would see your son, what, 6 days out of 30??? not if it was me!!!
get to your lawyer NOW!!