Struggling I can only guess you are moving asap.

The weekend is well over it is Tuesday, days are ticking by. Again I say to you Police Please 24/7 you know that.

I don't doubt your love for your son, just wish you could move yourself a little faster.

I don't know if you get the realistic potential danger.

A note from a child protection course attended:"Children are easily lured by promises to make them Hollywood stars. The hopes of grandeur, and comparisons made by the offender betweenthe child & the child's idols, often make them easy prey." OM was in Gladiator hmmmmmmm. Other rewards can be as simple as an ice-cream or as elaborate as a car... go figure...unchaperoned to BK ... where is his little girl? Can you speak to Social in his other families town?

The police are urged because the have the resources re background checks & are experts in dealing with the 'man' - regardless of how you feel currently, associating with pornography of children is a crime, OM has given a lot of signs that he could potentially be a monster in waiting. I still feel you should involve the police from that point of view. So what if it seems futile & nothing to loose, lives to be saved by going....Get it, DO IT

Social Services are there for your child's welfare.

Rgds K

Have you spoken to your sisters friend recently?

Hi, sorry about the delay in updating but the past few days have been really busy.

I saw my solicitor and expressed my concerns. She told me to talk to the police 'unoficially.' In her professional opinion my concerns didn't warrant involving the police just yet. She warned me that if I involved the police at this early stage I could open a can of worms.

I went to the police today.

I spoke to an officer from the domestic violence department who put me in contact with an officer from the child protection agency.

I expressed my concerns to her.

I was advised to talk to my wife again.

It is not illegal in the UK for a child under the age of 10 to sleep in the same room as adults. Even strange adults.

The CPA officer was concerned about the two 13 year old girls on the facewhore website but as they are legal members then it is lawfull. She gave me a number for another department that I can complain to about that website.

The fact that the OM exposed himself on another website is irrelavent. He is an adult. As long as my son isn't witness to him exposing himself then my concerns are only speculation.

The officer understood my concerns and was very sympathetic but at the end of the day my wife is an adult and as such her fog induced decisions are still considered to be the reasoning of an adult.

So I took the officers advice and spoke to my wife on the phone tonight.

I told her of my concerns.

At first she was talking to me but all of a sudden she told me; 'I'll pass you onto somebody who can reassure you.'

She passed me onto the OM.

I was not willing to hang up the phone. My concerns are genuine and are about my SON.

So I talked to the OM.

He was so reasonable. He had an answer for everyone of my concerns. According to him the website wasn't an adult website. When he 'bought' the girls he didn't know their ages. I mentioned the fact that he exposed himself on a similar website. He lied outright and said he was single when he did that. (This was after my wife left me for him.) At one point he changed the flow of the conversation completely and started saying how he didn't want to become a substitute father to my son. He told me that he knew how I felt. He kept calling me mate. The most hurtfull thing he said was that he only wanted my wife, that he was her future and that I was her past and that I had issues to deal with. At no point did I mention the word peadophile. He said to me; 'Don't worry mate... I'm not a peadophile if that's what you're thinking.' I told him that I was only concerned about my son. He told me that I was quite welcome to do a background check on him. He had nothing to hide.

I feel I made a complete idiot of myself. I feel I've pushed my wife further away by taking the leash and voicing my concerns to the police.

I feel the OM has scored a victory over me during our converstion. He was so reasonable. At one point I actually said to him; 'I don't know what the future holds. Maybe we'll hate each other or maybe we will enjoy each others company. Our lives our intertwined from this point on.'

His reply; 'Don't worry mate. I understand completely. Anything you want to discuss or talk about concerning your son just give me a call.'

I actually thanked him and said goodbye.

Why was I so polite?

I'm a useless idiot.

(((((((StrugglingToMakeSense)))))))))You Did The RIGHT THING. CPA understood the situ & seem tied by logistics, it is hard to hear that as the Dad. Those cyber hugs, are meant for strength to you, keep thinking clear thoughts bud, you are a GOOD MAN.

So om was reasonable - he appears to be well versed in how to manipulate people, what & how to say, he would have done himself no favours blowing up with you while darling wife was there, think about it, his image is all about making her feel safe & loved - that could be your attitude too.

I wonder why he would mention peadophile, doing the back ground check is only valid if criminal prosecution has happened not if suspicion has been aroused only if charges were brought - very clever statement, sounds like confidence builder/trickster.

You are an intelligent man doing the best you can dealing with a warped person, I feel angry for that om's calmness - he is tooo cool, but I feel you handle the situation impeccably, well done to you.

2nd strand StrugglingTMS, where are you in your head? Do you still want to do the work to regain your wife & son? This site is full of resourceful ideas. Are you interested? The home pages are a good start.

Stay strong Buddy, your are Good, & you know Good guys always come out the best in the end.

Best wishes
Ktulu

deleted - double post - duh

<small>[ August 28, 2004, 11:05 AM: Message edited by: Ktulu ]</small>

perhaps something you can say next time you talk to the OM or WW is that pornography is a subltety dangerous thing. I can slowly destroy interpersonal relations in many many cases.

He is no longer a single man. He now has a child in his mix. YOUR child and you will do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to make sure he is free from any kind of seedy role-model. Like it or not, when he took in the WW he took a child in also. He is no longer single and will have a very watchful eye on him now.

Perhaps this may cause him to question how much he wants a family.

Struggling,

It is common for parents. especially fathers to believe that they have a special relationship with there sons. My father and I were very close. He was gone quite a bit but we spent time together hunting and fishing etc. I loved and trusted him more than anything. I never told him that I had been molested by a family friend who would take me for weekends. He would ask me in a round about way, I would tell him nothing. I was ashamed and afraid. There are not many boys who could tell their dad about somthing like that!! No matter how good ther relationship is. In fact the stronger the tie between the two of you. The harder it would be to tell. To this day my dad doesn't know.

But I will always remember the time as we were driving to the mans house and I was very quiet, when my dad said that maybe if it was OK with me, I could stay home this weekend and we could do something together. I started to cry and I said that would be OK.

I overheard my dad years later say that he just didn't feel right about bringing me to the mans house and he asked a friend about it. The friend told him he was nuts to bring me there if I was acting funny, and he didn't feel compfortable about it. So my Dad took the advise even though he was POSITIVE that I would have told him if something was happening. He has even asked me as an adult, and I told him that he was wierd but nothing happened. I know it would kill him to think he DELIVERED me to aa molester who sodomized his son.

Listen to the people here. I know you are not delivering him, your wife is. But you CAN STOP it. I will always remember that my dad saved me. It is the only way I was able to heal, and forgive. If he would have done nothing but asked me, he would have continued to be PART OF THE MOLESTATION, not the hero he turned out to be.

JC Struggling, Know your torn in two.

Re read Mugsy's experience.... hear him.

Can you take on custody of your son?

Rgds K