im going to hit bottom fast. i cant survive so much cruelty in my life.i feel like my so called marriage is a sham and a total failure. i've been crying for three days now, and i cant snap out of it. i dont know what to try anymore, everything i do is wrong according to him. he loves me all during the week, but as soon as saturday hits, all the sudden this cruel [censored] comes out. doesnt he know his words are like fists? maybe im just overly sensitive, but dammit, the way he doesnt care that his staying out all nite terrifies me, the way he doesnt give a damn when i tell him that and tells me come on man? why do you always have to question me? i know with every fiber of my being that theres someone else, but i cant catch him at it no matter what i do. and if he catches me snooping all hell breaks loose. his brother called yesterday and asked hows family life? and i embarrassed myself and burst into tears. do i even want to fix things anymore? i want things to be the way they used to be. if the stupid man doesnt love me, i wish he would just leave me and let me put my life back together again. i dont want to be so attached to him anymore. i cant take all this pain anymore, i feel like killing myself sometimes, but what difference would that make? i have a 12 year old d who needs me and an h who probably wouldnt care too much anyway. so, how do you detach from someone that you want so badly to hate but you cant? is there something i can take that will just make me numb inside? i have thought about plan b, but i cant stand the thought of not seeing him, or holding each other in our sleep. please help me,i think i may be going insane. why the hell do i want to be with a man who obviously has no respect or concern for me? and i also lost my job on friday thanks to this ongoing bull between d and my h, and my depression. funny thing, h was very supportive when i told him about work. said he loved me, not to cry, that i deserve some time off, and that i was his wife and always would be his wife and he would always take care of me. i guess he means financially, not emotionally.

You are still very new in this. You might want to consider anti-D's. When WS's are "addicted", they behave very badly. Mine left me crying on the floor - he had to rush to OW. It is disgusting, but how they all are. You will feel better in time, but right now you will be miserable.

Shelly - I really know just how you feel. The towels I cried in have not yet been laundered, so fresh is my memory.

The difference between me THEN and me NOW is that I have rationalised that my WS is suffering from a temporary mental impairment that manifests itself in polar moodswings and a desire to hurt me.

I assure you that yours is too. They all do. Calm down and read the stories of the old hands here. Read 'Survivng an affair'.
Affairs are scripted and so are the behaviours of wayward spouses.

PLEASE learn all you can here. Information will save your sanity in the next few weeks.

And take nothing he says personally, good or bad.

i SWEAR that on week ago I would never have dreamed I could ever recover even to my current level of functionality. But we do. And you sound strounger than I am.

This is a marathon not a sprint. You will be fine. Also see a doc: you may be suffing from clinical depression because fo the trauma of unfaithfulness.

<small>[ August 15, 2004, 03:21 PM: Message edited by: Bob Pure ]</small>

thanks, but i cant stop crying i try not to let my d see me crying, but she has a habit of popping out of nowhere. she has been thru enough lately, i dont want her involved in my misery. if h sees me crying he justs gets angry. how can you get angry at someone who is in pain and doesnt know how to hide it? all i keep thinking about is all his lies. love and honor, to have and to hold and so on, as long as you both shall live? what a crock. i guess that means 4 years to him.

No Shelly, it just means that he has been abducted by aliens, and can't see your pain right now. They are all exactly the same. But you can get through this, and have a better marriage than before.

Shelly, forget your instinct. Detach from your instinct. Shows of emotion will NOT solicit sympathy from your H , only contempt. He is not able to emote or think rationally right now. Yes, all WS need shooting in teh head. I have considered filming mine to play back when we recover <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Go drive and cry somewhere else. Then see your Dr. for a-d meds until the initial storm rages past.

Your marriage can be fixed but it is YOUR responsibility while your H is hare-brained right now.

You must be a calm, welcoming place that gives him no reason to blame you for his A. Against all intuition but it works.

My life is still CR@P compared to pre-a but is a million times better than I dreamed it would be without 3 weeks of plan a-ing.

God Bless you Shelly. you WILL get through this and you CAN recover your marriage if you want to.

<small>[ August 15, 2004, 03:50 PM: Message edited by: Bob Pure ]</small>

taking an AD will help with your emotions...i would suggest you see a DR ASAP...It does get easier, really it does...I was a mess for weeks in march, now I am OK...I stil ahve my days...but for the most part, I would much rather live WITHOUT the everyday pain and the the WH my H has become than continue on this roller coaster ride!

well, at least i stopped crying.i probably lost about 5 pounds of water weight these last couple days. i dont really have a personal DR. can you still make an appointment with anyone and just request anti d's? im also afraid to let h know im this depressed that i need to see a doctor.then he'll just yell "why are you always so ****ing depressed all the time? your just crazy!" yes i would have to let him know. no health insurance, he would have to pay. we had a talk a couple of weeks ago in which he told me telling me the truth about ONS was the worse thing he ever did, because i would never get over it or trust him again.i said well geez what did you expect it was only a couple months ago. he also said i swear before god ill never hurt you like that again, i would divorce you first. i know fogtalk. how can i recover though if i cant find out anything about OW? if i cant catch him in the act so to speak, how will we ever be able to really recover? i want to confront skank ho, whoever she may be, and i guess find out if her or somebody else is really in the picture. and i am 99.99 percent sure that there is. and not knowing is one of the things that drives me nuts! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />