It has been 2 weeks since my second "D-day" and I am feeling lost. WH says affair is over but, of course, I am devoid of trust at this point and do not know what to believe. OW works for him so he still sees her every day. I do question him about daily interaction with her and have expressed my feelings about this to him. At this point there is not a way to alter the situation, one of them would have to change/transfer jobs and even if that happens it takes time (unfortunately). My questions are:how much of what I am feeling and thinking should I be telling WH? Every time we begin a discussion fear of Love busters begins running through my head and I don't know what I should say and what I shouldn't. How much do I really want to know, i.e. details? I have so many questions I want him to answer but don't know if this is productive or just pouring salt into the gaping wound.
We (WH, I and son) spent the weekend together out of town. THis was really good but then we come home and he goes to office on Monday. I am left wondering if he is with her, if time with us is just a scam, etc. Am I being made a fool of again? How do you ever begin to develop trust and stop wondering what and who he is doing when out of your sight? It makes me feel slightly crazy. MB's please help. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Sis -

Was a NC letter given to OW?

sis5756,

(**A WARNING**)
Unfortunately you are going to feel this way as long as he has this daily, ongoing, and constant contact with this OW.
No way around it, I'm afraid.

Sorry to say, I know of what I speak.
My W continued to work with her OM after D-day as well.
Yes, everyday from anywhere from 8-12 hours a day.
What made it even worse....was the entire A occurred AT WORK...yes all the physical part and more.

Anyway, after D-day, I would be a basket case all week long.
Things would get settled down on the weekend....up & until about Sunday night when I would get all "freaked" out again.
This went on for months.
IT was like the specter of this OM was in my life 24/7.

I can honestly state that if my W had not gotten another job...(we sold our house, and moved out of state) then we would be in the process of ... if not already divorced today.

No matter how strong you are or HOW committed you are to saving your M.....it will NOT happen with him seeing her everyday.
Case in point.....YOUR barley handling it now.
Believe me, This is one situation in which Time does not make it better,
IT ONLY GETS WORSE!
And harder for YOU to deal with. '
In a nut shell it will simply wear you OUT!

And your H will see it differently.
He will say "see honey, look at how good a boy I'm being". (Yea, lucky you).
He'll take it as a positive that he's still around her. (PLEASE!)

And even if they are not actually having sex anymore (who knows for sure??) you can da*n well bet they ARE STILL talking about personal matters.
Make no mistake about that.
The emotions of an A are just too strong to shut off like that.
Can you accept that?

That is why it is BEST to have NC with the OP ....for Life.
I don't consider daily contact any where near enough.

For your own sanity....something must change. Cause your attitude towards this continued contact WON'T (nor should it) change.
At some point you ARE going to loose it and "go off" on him.....because of his insensitivity.

So If you claim he can't leave today........Then WHAT is he doing to leave in the very near Future?.....we're talking weeks here ... NOT Years??

Your M will Never make it if you put up with the situation the way it is.
Not meaning to attack you at all........just the bearer of cold hard reality.

At the very least this continued contact will Drain all the "Love units" you have left in your bank. How can it not?
Seeing the OP each and every day is NOT the way to rebuild your trust.

You seeing him leave each morning and then KNOWING exactly where and with WHOM he is sharing the majority of his day with (given the history between them) is just MORE then any BS should have to deal with.
It will really test the limits of your sanity.

IMO you will NOT be able to cope or "deal" with this situation.
Maybe for the short term........but NO Way for the long haul.

If he is serious about your M then either she needs to go....OR he does.
This is not something you should HAVE to put up with.
And even if you want to...I doubt you'll be able too. ITS just much to difficult!
Your will power will ultimatly let you down at some point.

Make sure he knows how you REALLY feel on this subject.
Otherwise he is going to "assume" that YOU ARE OK with this.
Let him KNOW you are NOT!

Unfortunately, most WS "THINK" that they can Handle contact.
WE all know differently.
All this is, is an interlude.....or at best an intermission.
The emotions of an A are just too intense.
The "temptation" is just too enticing.

In any case, it is an insult to YOU as the BS to be expected to tolerate this "arrangement".
Better to let your True feelings be known NOW, instead of when you are about to get a divorce.
Take action now or Don't complain later.

All this was said without even mentioning that it IS quite possible that your H is lying to you and the A is still ongoing as we communicate. (Read here long enough and you'll see it happens ALL the TIME).
Why do we believe them?....because we Love them, and we blindly convince our selves (even when the truth is right in front of us) .

This may have came across harsher then I intended. (?)
If it did, I apologize.
Indeed, I truly hope you took it in the light it was intended.

Wishing you success in whatever you decide.
later