okay, this is a little different than what i usually ask. here it is. my h has another d from a previous relationship. this girl is troubled to say the least. she is 13, looks like j lo and because of this mom keeps her practically on lockdown 24/7. the problem is my h's behavior toward her. he never wants to pick her up or spend any time with her. his reason? she doesnt "love him" for himself, she just wants him to buy her stuff. this is his fault she is like this, when he does go get her, he spends about 700$ on her, his choice not hers. what do you expect from a kid? then he got disillusioned with trying to be a good dad, and now ignores the girl. i feel for this kid, she is very nice and my d's sister. they talk all the time. itry to point out the error of his ways, as i feel he is doing great harm to her. he tells me he tells her he loves her and she just says okay. i asked her about it she says she doesnt know if she loves him because he always breaks his word to her. now the problems between him and i are one thing. even though it may not work out, we will move on. but these are his children for god's sake. i dont want that girl harmed or my daughter either. any advice? im desperate.

There's not much you can do to change someone else's parenting "skills" or lack there of.
It's unfortunately too common that some fathers "divorce" their kids from the M.

This happened to me. My 1st M (a gazillion years ago, that ended because of DV) is a perfect example. My XH had a set of twins from a previous M. He didn't have much to do with them. When I had MY son, I didn't want the relationship his father had with those twins to interfere with my SON'S relationship with them. They were in fact, his half brother and sister.

Fast forward a few beaten years later.... and my son who is beautiful, and hard working, very smart, very funny...is VERY close to those twins. As is my daughter. Their FATHER on the other hand...did much the same thing to my children as he did to the children from the previous M. Wrote them off.

No loss there.... I'm glad my XH wasn't an influence on my children, and I know his XW, mother of the twins...feels the same way. Years and years have gone by, and she has thanked me, for enabling a relationship between her children and mine. Of course I was doing it out of selfish reasons, but it was a win-win for everyone. Except for XH...who really doesn't know what he missed out on.

It's a very heavy burden to carry when we try to steer someone in a direction they don't want to go.

Do what YOU can...remember...you can only control you.

Good Luck...I know it's hard. But if it helps...those twins turned out great as well !!!

yeah BIJ, i guess your right. my d and her talk on the phone constantly and always want to spend time with each other, but h always says no or tomorrow, and tomorrow never arrives. i even offered to pick the girl up and take her out with just me and my d, but h wont even allow that. maybe its just me, but i hate to see him throwing away his d with both hands, kinda the way he's doing with our marriage. i just know he is really going to regret this one day, and i wanted to stop this selfish behavior if i could in any way possible.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">even offered to pick the girl up and take her out with just me and my d, but h wont even allow that </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What kind of relationship do you have with her mother ?

I stepped away from my personal interests when I dealt with this. I didn't depend on my H for any of it. Whether he approved, disapproved, kicked and screamed...it wasn't a situation I let effect my children.

I went directly to their Mom. I respected her, and was honest about my intentions. She appreciated it.

Think about it...what possible reason could your H object to his daughters having a close relationship ?