I was out of town for a week and I'm trying to catch up with everyone's posts to see how you all are doing. My trip was wonderful and very relaxing. I was in Seattle for work. It was a very low key conference and a lot of fun. We took a cruise around the Puget Sound one night, it was beautiful and the weather could not have been nicer. From there I went to Las Vegas to visit my Sister and her family. It was nice to spend time with my two nieces. They are so cute and very excited that they will finally have a cousin in December.

WH called while I was on the plane out of town to let me know he was at the house and taking care of the animals. He called me the day I was leaving while I was in Church so he left a message and then again while I was on the plane ride home and asked that I send him an e-mail when I got home to let him know I arrived safely. I didn't get home until after 1:30 a.m. but when I sent the e-mail he responded back within 15 minutes. Then this evening before I left work he called just to chat. I told him how much fun I had on my trip. I left him a batch of home made Chocolate Chip cookies when I left with a short note to enjoy them.

I finally feel like I am going to survive this. Of course I am sad about my situation. But I am going to come out of this a better stronger person, one way or another. I still have my really bad days, but they are becoming fewer and farther between. I know my WH will wake up one day and regret his decisions in life, but by then it may be too late for us. Who knows. The funny thing now is when we talk on the phone I am the one who can laugh and smile and, at least to me, it sounds like he is a little sad on the other end. I am focusing on getting ready for the baby and trying to be the best person I can be. That is all any of us can do.

kloe - Good to hear from you again. I think Durham may have had her little one. We have not heard from her lately.

kloe !
Glad you had such a great time ! That speaks so highly of your mental state.
You are dealing with a rough situation, and there you are...enjoying life...embracing it.
Do you know how many people will be jealous of you right now ?
You deserve a gold star !!!
I bet the WH's head is spinning with your positive demeanor !!!!
Keep it up !!!

Kloe,
I am so happy you were able to enjoy yourself while you were away. I missed hearing from you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> One of your last posts you said you are starting to feel the baby move. Isn't that a wonderful feeling? Mine is so active and kicking so hard sometimes it hurts.

If my husband does leave I hope I can also come to a point where I am ok with it and able to move on. I know both of our husbands will deeply regret everything they are doing right now. They seem to be going back to their teenage years instead of acting like mature adults.

Take care of yourself and just think in a few months we will both have are little ones to keep us busy and happier than we are today.

SML - I would never advocate a WH leaving his BS but in my situation it has made it easier for me to get to where I am. I don't have to constantly be subjected to his Fog talk and actions. I think you are doing a great job considering the daily stresses you are facing. Yes, the baby is kicking more and more. I go for another sonogram on Friday. Hopefully, the baby will cooperate so the doctor can determine the sex.

BetrayedinNJ - I'm hoping his head is spinning, maybe when it stops it will be back on correctly! He seems to think, or at least did at one time, that we could go from being M to friends raising a baby together and he wouldn't miss out on a thing. I think reality may very slowly be sinking in. I am just dying to ask him what he thinks Christmas will be like this year. The baby will only be a few days old and since I will be breast feeding, he or she will not be able to be away from me. If things remain as they are, I don't think he would want to come hang out with my family. That sounds very sad to not be able to be with your first child on his or her first Christmas.

Today I e-mailed WH some pictures I took of our nieces while I was on my trip (they just love their Uncle "WH"). I also told him about the baby shower that my Aunt's are throwing for me in October. He responded back "That's nice of them, you deserve it."

Also, I told him that I was going to register for baby stuff this weekend, mostly on-line but will also need to go to the store. I said I would send him the passwords for the registry so he could add anything he wanted. He said that we could talk more about this later. I don't know if he wants to go to the store with me, he didn't ask. I'll see him Friday when I go in for a sonogram, I might ask him then.

You go, girl. You ARE going to be just fine, either way. And he is the one that sounds more sad on the phone. The balance of power has shifted, and he will be hard-pressed to keep pace with you.

My FWH left the home, too, and I agree with you - I think it made it easier for me to get to the place I needed to be. I would never advocate anyone leaving, unless a Plan B had to be initiated, but my FWH left me without asking my opinion!

Anyway, you are doing great. Keep posting. Invite him to the baby registry thing, but if he is uneasy about it, let him know that you will be just fine doing it on your own. Because you will. HE is the big loser. HE is the one going to wake up some day - hopefully very soon - and realize he has lost his mind.

I can't wait to hear about your next sonogram!

SS

Thanks SS. I'm trying to become the person I want to be. It would be so easy to become angry and bitter, but what good would that do? Plus that is not the type of person I want to be. That is not how I want my child to see me. This entire experience has changed almost everything about me.

hi kloe,

I am so glad to hear your update and just in awe of your grace! You are so special...what a great mommy you'll be. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I don't know how long it's been for the affair...but the biochemistry peaks at about 6 months. Before that, getting through the fog is very difficult. I'll bet by Christmas....this is going to be excruciating for him. You just keep up the great work....I'm so very proud of your progress. Wow.

Starfish - I don't even know if the A is still going on. WH lives with his Mom. He never mentions OW to me. He goes out with his friends a lot and is busy with work and he tells me about this but that's all I know.