This morning my wife asked to stay for another month. I asked her why and she said she was not ready to leave. I told her that the continued phone calls and emails were very hurtful and I want her to leave the first of the month if they are going to continue. I also told her she could stay if she ended the affair and came back into the marriage. She said well you make no promises. I told her that I don't want the old marriage and I promised her that the new marriage would like the last 2 months where I have been doing Plan A and meeting her needs. She didn't reply just started to cry. I had to leave for work and I leaned over and kissed her and told her I love her. I don't know what she will do but it seems that Plan A is having an affect. I don't know that it will be enough. We shall see. Did I handle it right? I was very calm even when she started blaming me and getting angry.

HINC,

I think you did handle it correctly. I would think she has a lot to think about and I suspect all is not going well in paradise because reality is about to land on her head. As for staying another month, I think you answered that correctly. It is time to set boundaries and express the end of abuse of your love and your self-respect. I think you did well to discuss the phone calls and all.

I suspect you are being used a bit to extend to the end of the month, but it did give you a chance to start stating your boundaries. Given the length of this affair, I fear that Pep is right, she needs to leave and really lose the fantasy that she has enjoyed for 5 years and address the issue of her other two affairs.

Plan A can be very powerful, but don't do it too long or you will find you have nothing left to rebuild the marriage if/when she decides she wants to. You have a lot of stored up pain and anger, and frankly it will dissipate some while in plan B.

Does she acknowledge that her calls to OM are hurtful to you? Does acknowledge at all that you have been deeply hurt? Those are steps that must be taken at some time.

Hang in there and continue to see if you can get the separation agreement signed. The 1 year waiting period gives you both time to make decisions after it is signed, but I would think you would want the meter running, MUCH MORE THAN SHE DOES. She has her cake and is eating it as well. So ending the marriage is of no real advantage to her. You on the other hand want out of this as soon as possible IF she continues the A.

There may come a time that you will have to really establish your boundaries and play hardball with her. Hopefully, that won't happen but don't be afraid to. You don't have to be mean or vindictive, but you must establish your boundaries and YOUR plans for the future at some point.

Think about it.

God Bless,

JL

JL-it is interesting that she did say to me this morning that she is most sorry for hurting me. She did not acknowledge that the phone calls and emails hurt also. Then she turned on me and tried to blame me for the A. She said that I had hurt her as well. I sure I did by not meeting her emotional needs like she needed. I am going to push for the separation agreement and let her go to OM by the first of the month. I just couldn't and wouldn't stand for another month of this Bulls***! In fact when she was angry she said she was glad she had the A. A very confused woman.

Then she turned on me and tried to blame me for the A. She said that I had hurt her as well.

This is one way to respond:

"Yes, our M was never perfect. Now it is time for us to separate because you will not end your affair."

She's got her hand on the panic button.

This is my worry ... she won't commit to the separation OR to giving up the affair.

She's just fine married to you with OM on the side.

Show her some tears. If not in the flesh, do it in poetry or some other way, like a letter.

Write about your evisceration. Ask her to release you from this torture.

This affair has my heart and soul held under water and unless I am released soon, my heart and soul will drown. Please separate me from this agony, free me if you cannot love me fully. Let me go lick my wounds with out marking me with fresh ones. This is torture. The affair is killing me slowly, and I am very near the end of my rope. Let me go. I beg you. I am dying inside. Let me go in peace. Let me go with no further malace. It is your decency I am asking for. Have the decency to end this torture.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Pep

Pep-your right I should appeal to her first. But the is another way. It basically a law suit called divorce from bed and board. I do not want to go that way but I have it in my back pocket. By the way I went home for lunch and guess who had called? She didn't mentioned it but didn't erase the caller ID. The fireworks start soon.