Hi Julie,
i'm glad you liked the smile.
to answer the most important question first. NO, i would not do it again. the price was too great to pay.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> always wondering if my H is pining for the OW that moved on and away from him </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">and how do you feel when you wonder that?? does the idea anger you? does the idea make you feel sad? if sad, why sad? sad because if that were true you would conclude he does not love you or that you are not enough for him? or sad because he is potentially carrying aroudn a hurt?
i think it is good for you to explore how you feel when you wonder this and then to share it all with your H.
have you told your H you wonder this? could you find a time/place when you are feeling safe and open. (if it were me, i would find a time when we were cuddling, that is when i feel safest and most open) and quitely tell him, "i wonder sometimes if you miss OW" as well as sharing how that wondering makes you feel. i would think that for such a conversation to be productive you would have to let him know ahead of time that what you would like to talk about is not about beating him up or hanging on to negativitely but that you need to just share this with him. am i nuts to think that should be possible to do? ideally he would share back too. maybe not right on the spot but maybe after a few days of reflecting on what you said. maybe writing him this in a note would be a good approach. the key is to be able to do this without someone feeling attacked and wanting to put up defenses.
what i do think, is that you should not do nothing!!! your wondering and the feelings you have when you wonder have to be impacting you and anything that impacts you, impacts those around you.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yet it would be so exciting, perhaps a once in a lifetime experience...Sometimes I tell myself I would rather be sorry for something I did when I am old and rocking in my rocking chair than for something that I didn't do! lol </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">i remember when you posted about that. that other man is married too, right?? i must be an odd bird, there was a man i have known for 20 yrs, think highly of him, always have. i got to know his siblings and parents too. we were kinda adopted into his family. (i don't like his wife, she doesn't seem to treat him nicely!!!)
we dance at weddings (not every song or anything and usually just fast dancing, my H does not like to dance). we play chess occasionally, again something i love to do but H does not, but this guy is a computer guy too and he loves games. he and my H play golf alot.
not wanting to get too much into details but he would of liked for us to have been involved with each other. i was very turned off. he is married, i am a friend of his!!!! he is a friend of my husband. i do not like the person so much anymore and that is a shame considering it was a 20yr old friendship.
and yet i did what i did, it does not make sense!!!! for me, the person had to be single, i could not respect someone that would do this to their spouse. and yet i had no problem doing it. where is the logic in that??? i guess the point is i had no respect for myself? i really don't know. probably a good thing for me to discuss in IC.
at this point what sounds extremely romantic and exciting is a guy who stays true. the movie industries really does those kind of guys a major dis-service. in movies it is so romantic to be swept away in the excitement of new love. not many focus on the type of love that holds on thru thick or thin. i've had that thought a lot lately and i have been working on a way to share that with my H. i don't want to just blurt it out in a matter of a fact way, i want to find a good time to tell him in a way that will be must impacting for him.
love to you too, Karen
