Hello everyone!
It's been a long few days. We just got electricity back from hurricane Charley. We are fine!
My H and I had a long talk and he is NOT happy and is not wanting to work on our marriage. I have decided that I don't need this in my life. I have a meeting tomorrow with a legal aid asst. I am filing for divorce. I have told my family everything that is going on and they support my decision. I just can't take it anymore. My H says he doesn't love me and doesn't see it ever coming back. I asked him if we should seperate and see what happens and he said if that's what I want but he feels that right now he wants a divorce. I refuse to put myself through anymore pain so I'm ending it. I feel so bad for my son. He is a wonderful child. I don't know yet if I will have to sell my home or not. MY H got really nasty with me yesterday and threatened to force me to have to stay in the state. I am so ANGRY!!! Does anybody have nay advice on my situation?

Sorry .... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

If you believe there is no hope, do the best you can to survive a divorce with as few scars a possible.

Get a lawyer who vows to protect your son's interests.... and to hell with what your H says ... if you are divorcing, get advice on the Divorced-Divorcing board.

I have never been divorced... it sounds like torture to me.

Pep

I never thought in a million years that I would be going through this. It has been devastating and I hope one day that I will be able to heal and move on.
I will be the mother that I have always been to my son and show my H what he will be missing out on. I am a wonderful person and I know that there is someone out there for me.
It's just a shame that 14 years of marriage will be thrown away. I vowed to love my H til the day I do. This has hurt me and don't know how I will ever trust again.
If anyone knows of a site like this one for people going through a divorce please let me know.

I'm sorry it has come to this point. You and your son are in my thoughts and prayers.

I am glad to see that you made it through the storms though. I've been worried about you (((TR)))

Thank you for all the support!!! I am feeling pretty good today. I know it is still going to be a rollercoaster ride for a long time to come. I will make it through though!!!!! I am a strong woman and will survive!!!!!!!!!!!!

TR, Just wanted to let you know you and your son are in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry for the pain and disappointment you are feeling, but know that with God all things are possible.

Prayer for TR and son

May today there be peace within you.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing that you are a child of God.
Let His presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, and to bask in the sun.
(((((((((TR and Son))))))))

HO

Hi tree....sorry to hear about your current situation, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

You are a strong woman, and will survive this. This is my motto these days also, I am not gonna let this get the better of me. I too will survive.

take care
A/C0810

It's just a shame that 14 years of marriage will be thrown away.
Why will it be thrown away?
Not one thing good happened in all that time?
Are you going to forget about it all?
Don't you have a son from the marriage?

If anyone knows of a site like this one for people going through a divorce please let me know.
What's wrong with this site?

Chris,
Sorry, I din't mean to sound like I didn't want to be here. I just thought maybe there was somewhere I could go to get some advice about divorce.
Yes, I do have lots of great memories of my marriage and of all things my son was the best part. I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world. I would give my life for my son. At least I have him!
I just meant that it's such a shame that my H feels like being married 14 years means nothing to him. It meant everything to me. I tired so hard to save my marriage and would have done ANYTHING!!! It just wasn't good enough for my H. He thinks he will be better off alone. More power to him. I will be better off without him anyway.

TR - I'm glad you got through this week okay, and I'm so sorry for the way things are headed. Stick around a while...

GC

I'm trying really hard to get through this. I am so crushed that my marriage meant so little to my WH. He has been so mean and is even telling me that if I get nasty with him that he will make it where I can't leave the state. I have never done anything mean to my H. I just don't understand how he can treat me this way. It's devastating!!!!!

So why is Plan D a better answer than Plan B?

My WH doesn't love me and doesn't want me anymore. I can't go through all this pain again. I have tried for so long to fix things and it's never good enough. My H said he was going to file. I really don't have much of a choice. I know it will be hard. I also know that my H will regret all of this one day soon. He will have to live with that. I can't hurt anymore. He didn't seem to care about how I felt when he had the A. I don't think our marriage could ever be the same. He says that if he came back he would only do it again down the road. I don't think that gives me much hope.
Trust me....if he was willing to work it out I would be right there to try. He doesn't want to so what else can I do?

TreeReich -

You could try Plan B. I was so angry with your WH during the hurricane, I was going to fly down there and hit him in the head with a hammer to wake him up.

But I would like to see you at least try Plan B. Your WH is completely fogged out right now. I wouldn't pay any attention to anything he says.

I just don't know what else to do but to file for divorce. He said he doesn't want to be with me and has said some really hurtful things that I can never forgive him for. I hate him!!
I don't know if I have enough love in my heart to save this marriage anymore. I really don't!!!
I think to save my dignity and start a new life I need to move on. I am going to see a legal aide tomorrow because my H hasn't been paying my bills. I don't have a job. I have been trying to find one and am in the process of starting up a cleaning busines with a friend. I don't know what else to do right now. I talked to my H the other day and asked him if we sould get a legal seperation and he said it wouldn't matter...he would just get more independent and not need me. He said he just wanted a divorce.
He will have a rude awakening......he has no clue what he is doing to his son and how much he will have to pay in child support and alimony. He will soon come out of the fog to reality!

I just don't know what else to do but to file for divorce.
How about Plan B as was suggested?

I don't know if I have enough love in my heart to save this marriage anymore.
Then it is a good time for Plan B.

He said he just wanted a divorce.
If he REALLY wanted one, he would get one.

He will have a rude awakening......he has no clue what he is doing to his son and how much he will have to pay in child support and alimony.
And you are POSITIVE he will not get custody?
If it goes to court, there is always a chance he will.

Rather than feel bad about everything, I suggest you go to Plan B before you divorce. Give it some time for you to cool off and get a clear head about everything before you make a leap you might regret later.

I see what you are saying. I understand and will give it some thought. In my heart I don't think he will ever come around and I just feel like I would be wasting my time.
I have been married to him for 14 yrs. and I guess maybe giving it some time could be good. I will give this some serious thought over the next few days.

TR,

I'm so sorry. I'm going through a DV but it wasn't my choice, my WH decided for both of us. Wasn't that nice of him.

If I wanted to file, I couldn't, didn't know where he was until the day I was served papers from Las Vegas. In New Jersey I had grounds, he didn't. He would have to wait 18 months to file, so he packed up with the OW and secretly moved to Las Vegas. Nobody, including family members didn't know where he was.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's just a shame that 14 years of marriage will be thrown away. I vowed to love my H til the day I do. This has hurt me and don't know how I will ever trust again </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If feel the same way. My WH and I were also married for fourteen years. He has been the only man I have ever loved and been with intimately too. I trusted him completely and still want to trust him during this DV proceedings, but I'm being very careful about it. I feel like I was just been pushed aside without any consideration for my feelings or our marriage. Trusting and loving again is going to be so difficult, I know I will never be able to trust completely in any future relationship.

TR, we are stronger because of our husbands actions. We will survive. It is so sad that there are many of us out there, but its also reassuring to know we are not alone.

The next few months and even years will be an emotional rollercoaster for us.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through also. Why do we have to go through all of this? It just all seems so unfair.
You know...if my H would have said he was willing to give our marriage a chance I would have been more than happy to do so. He has been so cruel to me and not showing any remorse for what he has done. I just don't undeerstand how he could do this to me. It's going to be very hard to file for divorce but I have to do what I think is best for me. It's going to be a long road!
Hang in there. At least we have each other to help us thorugh this mess we're in.

TreeReich - Go to Plan B. Your WH is still not thinking right. You need to do all you can to save your marriage, so that in the future you will know you did your best.