I don't know what to do, or how to feel but will do my best to explain and be brief. After we were married 2 years, I found out W and been having a Affair. She told me, when I caught them, it was over and the OM moved away soon after so I thought it was behind us. Now 4 years later, OM contacts W and they start chatting/emailing. I got lucky, or unlucky, and came accross there emails, and confronted W about it. She again said it was over all in the past and she would not talk to him again. Jump foward 6 months now, and as you can imagine I have been doing all the checking up that I can on her. Came accross where W had posted on another marriage help site that she had not been the same since OM had contacted her. W said she feels like apart of her heart is with the OM and she misses and thinks about him daily. W says she still has these feelings and its 4 years later so she knows its love and knows he loves her too. W says she is scared to contact OM for fear I'll find out but wants to everyday.
What am I to do? Confront W again? How I am to go on with M knowing W loves OM as much as me? Any help for us/me?

WTDN,

Im sorry your here.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> but I think you may have found out before the "big" trouble begins which is good! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

N/C is very important for your wife. OM is like a bad habit........smoking for instance? You quit, go thru withdrawls and then fight the "urges" to light up again........but you do it for 4 years!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Then for some unknown reason you go out one night and a friend offers you one. (not a REAL friend) and you say "awwww, one won't hurt!"...but then your again "addicted".

Your W is like that with OM. Just one e-mail or conversation.......STOP it NOW!

I would simply disconnect any internet access ASAP> if W doesn't have the willpower to STOP on her own........HELP HER OUT!!!!

Blessings,
Atruheart

NIP IT IN THE BUD.........do NOT pretend to NOT know! Make it very very clean that THIS IS NOT acceptable to you or your M!

wtdn,
As a WW I agree with Atruheart. OM was someone from my past. At first it started as simply catching up with an old friend, but quickly turned to more. It was just like an addiction. I came to my sense and told BH because I know I could not end it on my own. OM was/is my weakness - I even thought at one point I loved him more than H. I had on set back about 2 months after ended EA BH confronted OM, knowing this made me want to talk to OM so bad - I broke down and called - BH found out right away. That was 3 months ago - no contact with OM since. But I can tell you I do miss him - even though I dont know why. I think it is the idea of him I miss - once I found out alot of thing he left out - he is not the person I thought he was - but there will always be something about him. I dont miss him everyday now like I did in the beginning. But when BH and I aren't getting along I miss OM more. I say confront her - one thing that has helped me is BH - know that he ask every now and then if I've seen or talked to OM - helps keep me from breaking down and doing it - I know I could not lie when asked directly like that.
The first few months after EA BH stopped meeting my ENs - it was really hard for me to stay like that - but figured I deserved it. He has changed his attitude now and is doing a great job at meeting my ENs and this is so helpful for me.
But I don't think I could have ever ended it on my own - i didn't have the willpower - So if that is a possibility with your W - help her do it. It is worth the effort and pain you go through at first.