I'd be having a side splitter right now if it weren't such a bitter thing for you to have to swallow...so he says that the OW..who has nothing to lose by doing so, supports [ie:doesn't argue or disagree] him, never judges him, and does not engage her ego. What a lush deal. Has she committed to spend her life with him as well? Has she sacrifed for him? Let's see that scenario play out when it will cost her something to do so and ask if it has changed anything.
Ok..so is the no counseling his position, or something you both refuse to do?
Why does he have to tell you to give up? You are an adult, yes? Tie your own shoes and everything? You need his permission?
Does he know that if you listened to your heart, and acted on it's directive, he may very well wake up some night on fire? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
Ok now that we have that out of our system..a more reasonable response. His reactions are very, very common..is there no contact? He is in withdrawl. Nothing he says is worth hearing right now. If it was a voluntary NC then that probably
was his initiative, or as close as you were going to get to it while he is still in love with/pining for his fix.
So why do you want to stay in this marriage? Maybe because you have invested so heavily in it, that you aren't willing to cut your losses if it is salvageable. Maybe you still have reason to hope..that post fogland, there may yet be fruit to be enjoyed. Maybe you want to give your children the opportunity to have an intact parental unit if it is within your power to do so. I don't blame you for not wanting to do this..who would volunteer for such a thankless task? In it's present state, your marriage can not survive. You have been reading though..correct? You have some insight as to where and how things went wrong in the first place...perhaps despite being a bit dissappointed and downtrodden at the moment, you believe that when he comes off of his addiction..some real work will be plausable. It has only been 3 days. Expect weeks if not months. You will have a better idea at that time about just where you stand. Arm yourself, and frankly, I'd emotionally disengage as much as possible from his tirades and bad moments. Did you take every temper tantrum your children had to heart? Do not assume that he is functioning at an adult level. You may feel that you do not love him..he is acting so unloveable right now...but let's withhold the verdict until all of the evidence is in, you may yet have a workable situation. If it turns out that you do not..at least you have clarity of mind that you did everything you were able and are free to go your way in peace.
Wishing you better days and the address of the feel better fairy --Noodle
