stillhere,


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I do not see where you have done any real work at saving your marriage. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Aren't disrespectful judgements also insults ? I think that adds insult to injury.

I don't know what I would do if I was in Mom's shoes, nobody does.

But we don't live with her, we don't live with Dad, and to assume we haven't seen her doing any REAL work has to sound or read cruel, no matter WHAT the intent is.

It's easy for all of us to sit here and suggest this, suggest that, advice here ,and advise there, but we don't KNOW.

All people deal with grief differently. There is no wrong, no right, it's just a fact.

Obviously after 6 months of doing everything we've tried to tell her to do.... none of it worked. NONE OF IT.

At this point, I don't see where Mom's actions contributed to Dad's continual A.

She has more guts and courage than I'll ever have, because I know I wouldn't have KEPT trying..and here she is...doing the best she can with the crappiest situation.

Like I said...I didn't mean to offend anyone...but I think it's fair to say Mom did her best...maybe it's not YOUR best, or MY best...or ANYONE else's best...but it was HER BEST. There's something to be said in that.

Everyone does the best they can with the resources and skills they have at that particular time.

It is very easy for us to stand back and objectively dissect M23B's behaviour. Just keep in mind she is doing the best she can under the circumstances.

I, for one, do not believe that 2x4's are appropriate at this time.

M23B's,
Please try to remove/extricate yourself from the chaos and games. IMHO, you need a chance to disconnect from this and "regroup". If you do manage to remove yourself, you'll be glad you did!!

When I was dealing with my H's A I started feeling worn out, that I was striving and working SOOOO hard. It wasn't that I wasn't working enough, it was that I was working TOO hard, and what I was doing WASN'T working.

That's what I perceive is going on with M23B and the A. Every contact gets a reply, every foggy statement gets an answer (and sometimes sarcastic), every action gets a REACTION.

This is VERY wearing, and the BS wants to give up after a while.

Fall back and let it go.

Has M23B done enough? For the A and Dad? Too much. For herself? It is my opinion, not enough.

Mom,

I hope you get to go to SA this weekend to see your dad and mom. That is where you belong right now, at their sides.

I don't have anything to add to all that's been said above except that, Mom, I believe you are doing the very best you can in this situation. I have faith you'll do what is right for you and the boys because I know what a smart cookie you are.

Pull in the wagons. Circle yourself around your parents, your kids, and let your close friends put a circle around you. Let all else go as best as you can. There will be plenty of other days to deal with the chaos. Now just isn't the time.

Lots of people care deeply about you. Just remember that!

~ Snow

I agree some post have been alittle rough , I understand that some have traveled the road and know or see things that someone who is going through it don't or doesn't want to .

We need to keep in mind here all of us have different personalitys and so do our WS/FWS .

Also and take it from someone who had/has a hard head this takes more time for others.

I was a PLAN A screw UP ,,, PLAN B ,scared to death and #1 DOOR MAT !!!!!! LOL

It was only certain people that would post to me for the longest time ,,, ((MISS M )) being one .

MOM , I have not read all your story , but I will add 2 cents ,,,, NO matter what you need a PLAN ,
Any PLAN but you need one that you can stick 2.

And ALLOWING the A to continue and not taking a bigger stand ,,, well let me say IT IS A KILLER FOR YOU !
I did it for 17 months and I regret it 100% ! all of it the way I handled it ,, YES H is home and we are OK ,,,,

BUT the toll it takes on in recovery is HE!!

BE WELL