All this & more seems so hard to me & it would be so much easier to go w/ the man I already admire than have to make myself admire the one I already broke my commitment to.

Do you admire YOURSELF for having this affair and destroying 2 families?

To hell with which "man" to admire... How can you look yourself in the mirror if you do this thing?

This affair will define your character if you allow it to!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

What is admirable about YOU right now?

Pep

mllc:

Go ask your dad 2 go out 2 the garage, bring back a big nail and a hammer, find a spot in the center of the living room far away from phones and keyboards, and nail your head 2 the floor. Tell him that ol' 2long said not 2 pull the nail out until you've ma2ured (I think 10 years ought 2 do it). Until you do, you're not marriage material. Let your H go. He deserves someone who can love him.

rrh:

Go ask your W 2 go out 2 the garage, bring back a big nail and a hammer, find a spot in the center of the living room far away from phones and keyboards, and nail your head 2 the floor. Tell her that ol' 2long said not 2 pull the nail out until you've ma2ured (I think 40 years ought 2 do it). Until you do, you're not capable of being a responsible, loving H and father 2 your kids. Pray that your W doesn't choose 2 pack up the kids and go, because they deserve someone who can love them.

-ol' 2long

Oops, wrong thread, AGAIN! Sorry.

<small>[ August 25, 2004, 07:14 PM: Message edited by: weaver ]</small>

Dear Noodle,

This was not the response I expected.

The choice to me is definitely btwn my H & OM. How can they be separated?

I'd never think about leaving my H/divorce if it wasn't for the sit. I'm in now. When I married my H, I knew I wasn't getting my "dream man," but I planned on being committed to him for the rest of my life. When I met OM, I never planned on adultery w/ him, but for 2 yrs, I thought that if I could go back b/f I was married, I'd marry a man just like him. Unfortunately, he was thinking the same thing, too. I am not trying to say we fell into this. I'm just saying that if I leave rrh for good, I will be going back to my H, and so it is btwn the two.

Inspite of the things I wrote about my H, I still miss him. Tonight I called him to see if it would bring any loving feeling toward him. Though he was very kind, it brought back all the old frustrations of just not "clicking" with him. If I don't go w/ rrh, then I'd stay w/ my parents for a long time, but I'd eventually go back to my H.

Could you explain to me how this relationship is so unhealthy? You said that I know it is & the reason I think it is is b/c it's causing 2 divorces & God hates divorce. Also, all the things I've been reading about how hard divorce is on kids. Is there more? Not trying to make light of those two, but I'd like to know all.

My H told me that he misses me, but that he's trying to cope w/o me & doing well at it. He's not going after anyone until our D, but he says if I go w/ rrh, he'll for sure never accept me back. ("unless begging on hand & knee, w/ tears & true repentance, but maybe not even then")-I'm sure there are some out there who'd love to give him cheers...& that's what I'd wanted at the beginning. I used to tell him to just get over me. I used to be sooo mean! He wouldn't, he just kept pushing himself on me & that would make me w/draw from him more. Now that I've changed the stage I'm in, he's more willing to do that & it scares me. I know that some day I'd hate to hear of him having children w/ someone else or I'd feel bad for him hearing of me having children w/ rrh. Rrh thinks that the only true feeling I have toward my H is pity.

Anyway, rrh is working right now & has a plane ticket for tom. evening. He already bought tickets for us to fly back, which I'd agreed to. Rrh says that he'll not come if I really don't want him to, but then I panic again! b/c if he doesn't come tom., then I just want to end all this indecision & say forget it! just to be done w/ it. But then I feel like my heart is breaking. (I know, I need to think of the pain I'm causing my H & his W, too.) Also, I'm supposed to talk to my H tonight. He still has a lot of my stuff. At this point, I'm going to have to tell him that he ought to pack up my stuff & put it in storage til I can get it...How can I be that mean? I don't know. Anytime you're ready to "give up" on me, I understand. Thanks for all the time you've taken to respond-even when you've been "brutal."

Dear Noodle,

This was not the response I expected.

The choice to me is definitely btwn my H & OM. How can they be separated?

I'd never think about leaving my H/divorce if it wasn't for the sit. I'm in now. When I married my H, I knew I wasn't getting my "dream man," but I planned on being committed to him for the rest of my life. When I met OM, I never planned on adultery w/ him, but for 2 yrs, I thought that if I could go back b/f I was married, I'd marry a man just like him. Unfortunately, he was thinking the same thing, too. I am not trying to say we fell into this. I'm just saying that if I leave rrh for good, I will be going back to my H, and so it is btwn the two.

Inspite of the things I wrote about my H, I still miss him. Tonight I called him to see if it would bring any loving feeling toward him. Though he was very kind, it brought back all the old frustrations of just not "clicking" with him. If I don't go w/ rrh, then I'd stay w/ my parents for a long time, but I'd eventually go back to my H.

Could you explain to me how this relationship is so unhealthy? You said that I know it is & the reason I think it is is b/c it's causing 2 divorces & God hates divorce. Also, all the things I've been reading about how hard divorce is on kids. Is there more? Not trying to make light of those two, but I'd like to know all.

My H told me that he misses me, but that he's trying to cope w/o me & doing well at it. He's not going after anyone until our D, but he says if I go w/ rrh, he'll for sure never accept me back. ("unless begging on hand & knee, w/ tears & true repentance, but maybe not even then")-I'm sure there are some out there who'd love to give him cheers...& that's what I'd wanted at the beginning. I used to tell him to just get over me. I used to be sooo mean! He wouldn't, he just kept pushing himself on me & that would make me w/draw from him more. Now that I've changed the stage I'm in, he's more willing to do that & it scares me. I know that some day I'd hate to hear of him having children w/ someone else or I'd feel bad for him hearing of me having children w/ rrh. Rrh thinks that the only true feeling I have toward my H is pity.

Anyway, rrh is working right now & has a plane ticket for tom. evening. He already bought tickets for us to fly back, which I'd agreed to. Rrh says that he'll not come if I really don't want him to, but then I panic again! b/c if he doesn't come tom., then I just want to end all this indecision & say forget it! just to be done w/ it. But then I feel like my heart is breaking. (I know, I need to think of the pain I'm causing my H & his W, too.) Also, I'm supposed to talk to my H tonight. He still has a lot of my stuff. At this point, I'm going to have to tell him that he ought to pack up my stuff & put it in storage til I can get it...How can I be that mean? I don't know. Anytime you're ready to "give up" on me, I understand. Thanks for all the time you've taken to respond-even when you've been "brutal."

Dear Noodle,

This was not the response I expected.

The choice to me is definitely btwn my H & OM. How can they be separated?

I'd never think about leaving my H/divorce if it wasn't for the sit. I'm in now. When I married my H, I knew I wasn't getting my "dream man," but I planned on being committed to him for the rest of my life. When I met OM, I never planned on adultery w/ him, but for 2 yrs, I thought that if I could go back b/f I was married, I'd marry a man just like him. Unfortunately, he was thinking the same thing, too. I am not trying to say we fell into this. I'm just saying that if I leave rrh for good, I will be going back to my H, and so it is btwn the two.

Inspite of the things I wrote about my H, I still miss him. Tonight I called him to see if it would bring any loving feeling toward him. Though he was very kind, it brought back all the old frustrations of just not "clicking" with him. If I don't go w/ rrh, then I'd stay w/ my parents for a long time, but I'd eventually go back to my H.

Could you explain to me how this relationship is so unhealthy? You said that I know it is & the reason I think it is is b/c it's causing 2 divorces & God hates divorce. Also, all the things I've been reading about how hard divorce is on kids. Is there more? Not trying to make light of those two, but I'd like to know all.

My H told me that he misses me, but that he's trying to cope w/o me & doing well at it. He's not going after anyone until our D, but he says if I go w/ rrh, he'll for sure never accept me back. ("unless begging on hand & knee, w/ tears & true repentance, but maybe not even then")-I'm sure there are some out there who'd love to give him cheers...& that's what I'd wanted at the beginning. I used to tell him to just get over me. I used to be sooo mean! He wouldn't, he just kept pushing himself on me & that would make me w/draw from him more. Now that I've changed the stage I'm in, he's more willing to do that & it scares me. I know that some day I'd hate to hear of him having children w/ someone else or I'd feel bad for him hearing of me having children w/ rrh. Rrh thinks that the only true feeling I have toward my H is pity.

Anyway, rrh is working right now & has a plane ticket for tom. evening. He already bought tickets for us to fly back, which I'd agreed to. Rrh says that he'll not come if I really don't want him to, but then I panic again! b/c if he doesn't come tom., then I just want to end all this indecision & say forget it! just to be done w/ it. But then I feel like my heart is breaking. (I know, I need to think of the pain I'm causing my H & his W, too.) Also, I'm supposed to talk to my H tonight. He still has a lot of my stuff. At this point, I'm going to have to tell him that he ought to pack up my stuff & put it in storage til I can get it...How can I be that mean? I don't know. Anytime you're ready to "give up" on me, I understand. Thanks for all the time you've taken to respond-even when you've been "brutal."

Dear Noodle,

This was not the response I expected.

The choice to me is definitely btwn my H & OM. How can they be separated?

I'd never think about leaving my H/divorce if it wasn't for the sit. I'm in now. When I married my H, I knew I wasn't getting my "dream man," but I planned on being committed to him for the rest of my life. When I met OM, I never planned on adultery w/ him, but for 2 yrs, I thought that if I could go back b/f I was married, I'd marry a man just like him. Unfortunately, he was thinking the same thing, too. I am not trying to say we fell into this. I'm just saying that if I leave rrh for good, I will be going back to my H, and so it is btwn the two.

Inspite of the things I wrote about my H, I still miss him. Tonight I called him to see if it would bring any loving feeling toward him. Though he was very kind, it brought back all the old frustrations of just not "clicking" with him. If I don't go w/ rrh, then I'd stay w/ my parents for a long time, but I'd eventually go back to my H.

Could you explain to me how this relationship is so unhealthy? You said that I know it is & the reason I think it is is b/c it's causing 2 divorces & God hates divorce. Also, all the things I've been reading about how hard divorce is on kids. Is there more? Not trying to make light of those two, but I'd like to know all.

My H told me that he misses me, but that he's trying to cope w/o me & doing well at it. He's not going after anyone until our D, but he says if I go w/ rrh, he'll for sure never accept me back. ("unless begging on hand & knee, w/ tears & true repentance, but maybe not even then")-I'm sure there are some out there who'd love to give him cheers...& that's what I'd wanted at the beginning. I used to tell him to just get over me. I used to be sooo mean! He wouldn't, he just kept pushing himself on me & that would make me w/draw from him more. Now that I've changed the stage I'm in, he's more willing to do that & it scares me. I know that some day I'd hate to hear of him having children w/ someone else or I'd feel bad for him hearing of me having children w/ rrh. Rrh thinks that the only true feeling I have toward my H is pity.

Anyway, rrh is working right now & has a plane ticket for tom. evening. He already bought tickets for us to fly back, which I'd agreed to. Rrh says that he'll not come if I really don't want him to, but then I panic again! b/c if he doesn't come tom., then I just want to end all this indecision & say forget it! just to be done w/ it. But then I feel like my heart is breaking. (I know, I need to think of the pain I'm causing my H & his W, too.) Also, I'm supposed to talk to my H tonight. He still has a lot of my stuff. At this point, I'm going to have to tell him that he ought to pack up my stuff & put it in storage til I can get it...How can I be that mean? I don't know. Anytime you're ready to "give up" on me, I understand. Thanks for all the time you've taken to respond-even when you've been "brutal."

Dear Noodle,

This was not the response I expected.

The choice to me is definitely btwn my H & OM. How can they be separated?

I'd never think about leaving my H/divorce if it wasn't for the sit. I'm in now. When I married my H, I knew I wasn't getting my "dream man," but I planned on being committed to him for the rest of my life. When I met OM, I never planned on adultery w/ him, but for 2 yrs, I thought that if I could go back b/f I was married, I'd marry a man just like him. Unfortunately, he was thinking the same thing, too. I am not trying to say we fell into this. I'm just saying that if I leave rrh for good, I will be going back to my H, and so it is btwn the two.

Inspite of the things I wrote about my H, I still miss him. Tonight I called him to see if it would bring any loving feeling toward him. Though he was very kind, it brought back all the old frustrations of just not "clicking" with him. If I don't go w/ rrh, then I'd stay w/ my parents for a long time, but I'd eventually go back to my H.

Could you explain to me how this relationship is so unhealthy? You said that I know it is & the reason I think it is is b/c it's causing 2 divorces & God hates divorce. Also, all the things I've been reading about how hard divorce is on kids. Is there more? Not trying to make light of those two, but I'd like to know all.

My H told me that he misses me, but that he's trying to cope w/o me & doing well at it. He's not going after anyone until our D, but he says if I go w/ rrh, he'll for sure never accept me back. ("unless begging on hand & knee, w/ tears & true repentance, but maybe not even then")-I'm sure there are some out there who'd love to give him cheers...& that's what I'd wanted at the beginning. I used to tell him to just get over me. I used to be sooo mean! He wouldn't, he just kept pushing himself on me & that would make me w/draw from him more. Now that I've changed the stage I'm in, he's more willing to do that & it scares me. I know that some day I'd hate to hear of him having children w/ someone else or I'd feel bad for him hearing of me having children w/ rrh. Rrh thinks that the only true feeling I have toward my H is pity.

Anyway, rrh is working right now & has a plane ticket for tom. evening. He already bought tickets for us to fly back, which I'd agreed to. Rrh says that he'll not come if I really don't want him to, but then I panic again! b/c if he doesn't come tom., then I just want to end all this indecision & say forget it! just to be done w/ it. But then I feel like my heart is breaking. (I know, I need to think of the pain I'm causing my H & his W, too.) Also, I'm supposed to talk to my H tonight. He still has a lot of my stuff. At this point, I'm going to have to tell him that he ought to pack up my stuff & put it in storage til I can get it...How can I be that mean? I don't know. Anytime you're ready to "give up" on me, I understand. Thanks for all the time you've taken to respond-even when you've been "brutal."

Mllc:

Why is the choice between your H and RRH...do you feel that you must have one of them? Go back and read your previous post re: what you think of your H. Do you see the duplicity in your words? Is your H the consolation prize or do you desire to be his wife based on his own merit? You have stated that you don't "click"..well...to say that the two of you are in a state of withdrawl would be a gross understatement..after what you have both been through did you really think that you could just call and everything would fall neatly into place? I can understand being torn..but let's not be naive.

How is this relationship so unhealthy...well let's think about it for a moment.

He is abandoning his wife and children [don't tell me this isn't the master plan..is he with them tonight? Yesterday? How long has it been actually since he has seen them?]

This relationship has already invoked suicidal urges in both of you. Have you convinced yourself this is passion? This is illness.

It is build on despair and destruction.

It is built on lust and deceit.

It is built on manipulative tactics, rather than consideration and a bold and firm and joyfull decision that this is right and good and blameless. RRH manipulates your emotions...you are a puppet on a string, you are unable to resist any request he puts forth. He has even decided for you that all you now feel for your H is pity. Yet you say that you still love your H. Then you say that you do not respect him..then you are back to wanting to reconcile should this relationship fail. Back and forth...hither and yon..you vacillate and oscillate and could not be more doubleminded if it were professionally scripted for you.

Everyone who knows you thinks that this is a mistake of enormous proportions...because they love you and they are not blind to what is obviously before you, yet you refuse to see.

You are not even fully committed to RRH. You are keeping your H in your back pocket. You have mixed feelings about your H to say the least.

Basically..you want RRH because it feels good..you can see the folly of it..you know that this isn't really a good idea..but you prefer the tickle of RRH's promises to the cold slap of reality.

Anytime that you are separated from RRH for a significant period of time you become more and more convinced to end the relationship. Yet one exposure can send you running right back. So, your better judgement tells you that this is a wrong relationship, but when your addiction beckons..you do not resist.

Mllc...you are so far removed from having free will here that it would be comical if it weren't so stupidly tragic. So obvious. To everyone of course..but you. The more you are shown..the more you protest. If I gave you a stack of statistics about the harm done to children..it would not be good enough. If I gave you the odds drawn in concrete that the likelyhood of success in this is less than 3%..that would not be good enough.

No matter what revelation you are given about the harm that you have done, and continue to do, and seek to arrange in the future..and just how much pain will be dealt all around to you, to RRH..to your families..to your spouses..to his children..none of it will be good enough to deter you. Does this sound healthy to you? Would you ever make another decision that would have this affect on this many people for any reason? You think about it..then dismiss it..why? Because you prefer to, and that is the unvarnished truth. You are preferring the lie to the truth. Does that strike you as healthy behavior? You feel panicky..distressed..and ready to end even this..because you can't stand the anxiety anymore..until that makes you panic too...do you need anymore examples of why this is not a sound and healthy relationship? The only things it is capable of producing are addiction, and pain, and anxiety, and shame, and regret, and that excited drug high, and then cycle all over again. This is gonna put more years on you faster than you can imagine.

Mllc ...telling your H to pack up your stuff is so very small in comparison to what you have already done to him..that the fact that you are botherred by it demonstrates that you have not fully allowed the consequences that your actions and RRHs actions have had on other people to sink in. You say very dismissively..I know I should be thinking of their pain...but you can't can you? Can you? Can you really and truly and deeply allow yourself to be in their shoes and justify taking one more step in this direction? I think they have become less than human to you. This is what we do in order to protect ourselves from the harm we cause others...it is very common in people who have been at war..who have had to do terrible things to people and close themselves off to it so that they can continue. They have become less real to you than RRH and yourself. Are you able to allow yourself to think of what you have done to these people without immediately offering yourself a cushioning rationalization? Take his wife for example...you have never, not once just said..or even allowed yourself to think..that this woman may love her husband and have every bit as much passion for him as you do..I'll bet you couldn't even read that without instantly arguing in your mind. That she loves him, and loves their family and is laying in her bed crying because you are not willing to be the one laying in your bed crying so that she doesn't have to anymore. Why are you willing to do to others what you are not willing to do to yourself?

Please give consideration to what I have said..not just a rebuttal..then answer if you like..I'd be happy to continue to talk to you.

Noodle

Too much rationalizing going on here.
Lets get basic....
Do you two believe in God?
If so, then you must also beleive the Bible, yes?
There's a commandment, "Thou shall not commit adultery"
This one has always been considered most important #2, right behind #1, "Thou shall not kill."

Now, how important is that commandment?
Even if you both divorce your respective spouses, you're both breaking up families with the express intent to be together. It's still adultery.
Breaking a commandment and being unrepentant about it, leads to hell. (which is what you would be, as an action must be stopped in order to be forgiven of it. Even if your dreams came true and you both were together the rest of your lives.)
Even if you don't believe in God, are you ready to take the chance that you may be wrong?

<small>[ August 25, 2004, 11:19 PM: Message edited by: TTSi ]</small>

"I'm just saying that if I leave rrh for good, I will be going back to my H, and so it is btwn the two."

Why on Earth is it that so many WSs think this way?

mllc: Seriously consider the PROBABILITY that, when you're good and ready 2 go back 2 your H, he WON'T BE THERE.

I honestly wouldn't, if it were me.

-ol' 2long

I found this sentiment amusing...

Thanks for all the time you've taken to respond-even when you've been "brutal."

As if words on a silly little message board in the ocean of the great web universe....are brutal..

As if its somehow our job to tell you what's right....

compared to these two persons actions in real life.... on innocent people and children....
there lies the brutality..not in our words..but in their acts....

my best advice...infact confessed most sincere message ever given here on marriage builders...

mllc have your tubes tied
rrh get a vasectomy...

leave the children out of and far away from your chaos...
and have at one another...
spare the innocents though....

I for one hope you both stop using this place to...
flaunt your "different love"..

spread your pain and ilk in some warped shot at justification....

(cause you two are soooo different.....)

after their tender-sweet-reunion tonight...this board will once again just be fodder for them...

ARK

I haven't finished reading this thread, so sorry if I missed this, but I have this 2x4 I've been carrying around for a few days now...

rrh - back on 8/10 you started a thread here and said you wanted to kill yourself. Several of us responded, and then... silence.

I can't speak for everybody else that read that thread or responded, but I and certainly others sat up that night and many nights after, wondering and praying and fearing for you.

Typical selfish, thoughtless, indulgent, WS B.S. You owe an apology.

GC

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by rrh:
<strong> Please respond... noodle, ark^^, anyone...

I agree we didn't FALL into anything. We have chosen this. I also agree that if we put the same energy into our own marriages, we, most likely, wouldn't have let this happen. But it has happened. And now we are looking at years and maybe entire futures of distrust from our spouses. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If you put HALF the energy that you are putting in now to cheat, you can actually repair your marriages.

If you divorce, you will also begin to distrust each other. The saying "if he can do it with me, he can cheat on me"


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
The thing is, we were never totally committed to our spouses. All the pretending we have been doing has been with our spouses over the years.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">revisionist history. In order to not feel guilty about what your are doing to your wife and kids, you paint the past as all bad. You obviously married your wife for a reason- no one held a gun to your head and said "marry her now, or else!"

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There are huge gaps between our spouses in the area of communication. Huge gaps. Over the years I have tried to be more understanding, be more patient, spend more time with my spouse...and then I find myself calling my brother-in-law on the way home from work, talking to him on the way home, getting home and talking to him on the cell for 3 or 4 hours. Then when we're done, I lock myself in my office to pay bills or surf or do some work or play a game. This has gone on for almost 9 years. Whenever we are with a group of people, I never find myself standing with my wife talking to the same people all involved in one big conversation. Instead, I'm over talking to a bunch of people and my wife is somewhere else. (I don't even think about where she is or what she's doing. I'm just happy to be serving myself a heaping helping of conversation which I know I can't get at home.)
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">SUCK IT UP!

Yeah, day in day out married life can not compete with an exciting affair, but guess what? You'll be in the exact same predicament with your OW if you were to marry. It's the nature of the beast- GUESS WHAT??? you have to WORK at your marriage! IMAGINE!!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why can't we separate and spare the kids all the bad examples?
Why can't mllc and I be careful with my children and make sure we do everything we can to provide a supportive, loving home for them to see?
My wife and I agree that any amount of negativity we feed the children about the other will just come back to hurt us all. Why can't we make the best of this new situation and protect the children that I have and that mllc are going to have from self destruction by being careful?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">why are you asking for permission?? Grow UP! And know you will never get an A-OK from any of us here.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know I seem totally selfish, I admit I am. But can't the right approach to this help us avoid the damage everyone is practically guaranteeing will happen?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Forgive me, but you two have done SOME MUCH damage already- you act like there has not been any so far

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
Oh, one other, other thing. mllc and I have been talking about this decision for approximately 5 months.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OOOH, 5 whole months! I'm impressed! By all means, you two are so ready for marriage and will last forever!
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
Doesn't this sound like it will work? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">NOPE

Boy, anyone remember DustKitty? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

DustKitty and DustDawg together forever, oh yeah.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

GrayCloud, good heads up, the creepy kidnap suicide poster is the same guy. The OM in my life said the EXACT SAME words and he's a complete nutcase. All I will say to you, mllc is run for the hills! Suicide threats as a means to keep you in a relationship are not LOVE.

You are not THAT special, he is just THAT mentally unhealthy. This guy has major problems and if you go with him, they become YOURS. He's messed your life up enough. You've messed your life up enough. Please do not go with him, you are going to be SO sorry, no bull! KB

<small>[ August 26, 2004, 08:13 PM: Message edited by: knewbetter ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Could you explain to me how this relationship is so unhealthy? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well...you can think about it this way. Say you do leave your H and marry OM who in turn has divorced his W.

By some stroke of "luck/chance"...you make it..have a few kids...and in turn...they have kids.

And one day..your sitting with your grandchild on your lap...looking up at you with eyes of innocence...asking you how you and grandpa met ?

"Well sweetie... we were both M to other P, but decided we'd build a life together on deceit and lies instead".

That's a hell of a legacy to hand down.

(sorry to anyone I offended)

rrh - in your sig line is the following text:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Saved 3/11/1984 </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What exactly does this mean? I'm just curious and perhaps naive. I honestly don't know. Maybe understanding this can help me understand your current sitch better.

Saved from what?

By whom?

What would have occurred if you had not been "saved"?

What this a rescue from physical harm, or emotional turmoil? Or were you cured of some serious disease?

Do you feel indebted to your "savior" - and this is why you mention it in your sig line?

I deduce this wasn't when you were "saved" from your marriage by OW, since you hadn't been married yet, but was this when you and she met?

Thanks in advance for an explanation.

<small>[ August 26, 2004, 08:37 PM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

ooooooooooooooooooops

<small>[ August 26, 2004, 09:24 PM: Message edited by: ark^^ ]</small>

oh my, first double post...
yikes....

<small>[ August 26, 2004, 09:01 PM: Message edited by: ark^^ ]</small>