if you read my other thread my h just told me he didnt love me anymore and left me. my 12 year old daughter just came home drunk and beat up. i sent her to bed but i need to know how to deal with this. i told h and now h wont stop calling. i told him didnt you do enough? please help. advice urgently needed.

bump

did he beat her up? or was it a boyfriend? whomever did it, call the cops.

if your husband is soo concerned, tell him to drag his [censored] over there and to care for his daughter.

it was another girl. i dont want that son of a ***** over here. his damn selfish actions are causing this.i want to kill him right now. he knows d has emotional problems. this must be a real thick fog! how do i deal with d in the morning? no sense in yelling at her now.

Who beat her up? Are all of you safe where you are? Go to the hospital ER have her injuries recorded .. and follow up with legal action!!

way2

is she in IC?

no. going to call tomorrow and get her some counceling. h has always been against it, but oh well. i dont know how im supposed to deal with this on my own. i have to go back to work on friday or no one eats.

she needs IC .. and tough toenails for WH

i cant believe this is happening. while d is certainly no angel she sure as hell has never come home like this before, my god what is she thinking? now i have a h who left me and god only knows what else she's doing. i'm going nuts, what else can go wrong?

Work on what you can. 1 problem at a time. Your daughter needs you more than the WS.

LL, handled a similar problem with her daughter. Check out the options in your area. Find out who did this to your daugther and if charges s/b pressed.

It is critical your daughter get checked out medically and psycologically evaluated.

Don't worry about the WS. Assume he won't lift a finger to help. If later he does help some, don't refuse it. He needs to carry his guilt. Don't take that guilt away from him but don't rub it in his face.

Hugz,
L.

orchid, should i try plan b with wh? i cant go on with plan a anymore. i wouldnt have bothered to call him at all tonite, but d's behavior really frightened me. and pissed me off that his leaving is causing all this. i mean i really dont want to talk to him. everything he say's is a lie.

Oh Shell, I understand comepletely what you are feeling!!! I have 3 sons, R-20yrs, J-17yrs, and C-16 yrs. C has always had emotional problems, ADHD, manic depressive and Bi-Polar. J, the "perfect child" has very recently been diagnosed with cronic depression. My WH knows all about it, he should, he is the root of the majority of it. But he left anyway, isn't helping at all, you know my story. Last night I had to have R and his friends, D and T (D lives with us) hold J down and forcibly give him his meds. DO NOT WAIT TO GET YOUR DAUGHTER THE HELP SHE NEEDS!!!!!!!!!! I waited too long, I saw the signs three months befor his first breakdown and ended up having my darling son involuntarily committed. It was a nightmare to say the least. Now, it's very difficult for J to believe or listen to anything I have to say. He has taken a knife and cut himself out of anger toward me. He has been very destructive to my house. Verbally, he can tear me apart as bad as his father. But, it's not his fault, and I love him dearly so we make our trips to mental health quite regularly. He is learning that he needs his meds to function in a civil and accepted manner. He gets to do 24 hrs of community service because his angry mouth got him in trouble at school. This has all been since the depression started showing its ugly and unforgiving head. J was a wonderful student, most popular kid in school, has a beautiful girlfriend, and excelled at everything he tried. With this much going for him, he can become totally opposite when he doesn't take his meds. Your d is telling you that she needs your help. Forget that sorry WH and concentrate on your dd. Things WILL get better, but it will take time, energy, and all of the love and patience you can muster up, and then it will need even more. You can do this, it will help you also because you will be so busy with your d that you'll forget about the WH for awhile. All my love and Prayers are with you, Lana

i already know it wasnt a very good plan a. i did have some success for a while but its all down the toilet now. i am not able to tolerate lying and cheating and if he cant love me and make his family #1 then he can go on his way. i mourn the man he used to be,the person i married, not this cruel jerk.

thank you lana. im so frightened right now. i never believed that h would truly leave me, and i guess i have to find my backbone and deal with everything myself.h is no help. he wants to go to girls parents house and beat someone up. he called and asked to speak to d i asked her did she want to talk to him and she said no. so i said sorry she doesnt want to talk to you. then he got pissed. what do you mean she doesnt want to talk to me?i can still be her father. i said its a hell of a time to start now. so i hung up and didnt answer when he called back.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by shelly_3:
<strong> thank you lana. im so frightened right now. i never believed that h would truly leave me, and i guess i have to find my backbone and deal with everything myself.h is no help. he wants to go to girls parents house and beat someone up. he called and asked to speak to d i asked her did she want to talk to him and she said no. so i said sorry she doesnt want to talk to you. then he got pissed. what do you mean she doesnt want to talk to me?i can still be her father. i said its a hell of a time to start now. so i hung up and didnt answer when he called back. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ok you are frightened but you ended up doing the right thing.

Now you found out that you survivved the WS contact ordeal without too much problems. Your response was good.

Prepare for the next time. Don't worry about what the WS says or does. Do what you need t/d for your daughter. If the WS wants to participate and he does so in a respectful manner, let him. If he acts like an a$$, then step over him and move forward.

Only involve or acknowledge him when he acts deservingly. Ignore him when he is acting like a WS and babbling.

L.

You go girl!!! That's the way to do it! Don't let him push you or your D around anymore! You don't need him, let the ow have him! You had him at his best, she gets him at his worst! Love, Lana

you know what lana? i never thought of it that way. its not like she will be getting the wonderful person i married. she gets the selfish [censored] hes become. thanks for that perspective.

stupid h just returned d's call to him. i listened in on the other line. he sais well whats this **** i heard last nite?d told him the same story she told me. he told her that just because he left the house doesnt mean that she can act up because he will come home to spank her [censored]. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> . then he asked her what was she doing? she said nothing. he said whats your mom doing? she said typing on the computer. he said he would call her back later. he told her he loved her and she said uh huh, and hung up. what to make of all this bull? i dont know.