My WW is on the fence about moving out. Plan A seems to be working. But I think she's going to move out next week. I've got my Plan B letter together, still working on the separation agreement. Yesterday was a good day (considering). Something that has me concerned is that WW said she's concerned that if she doesn't move out, then she's afraid in the future she may do it again. I know this is the fog talking but it's also something that I've been thinking about. I know that if/when she comes back there will be an emotional roller coaster that has not been experienced yet. I've been doing what I consider a good Plan A. I can see the affects of this - daily. She still sees OM and I believe I want her to move out and see what the grass is really like on the other side (WW/42, OM/24 - not a he** of alot in common other than work and dangling body parts). I want to wait a week or two before I go into Plan B. Although it pains me, I want her to experience the feelings FWW's have described here at MB. I want some of those feelings as well as the Plan B to be the reason the A withers away and she comes home. I want WW to see what she is potentially giving up (our family). Am I missing something? Are my emotions clouding my judgment? Should I go dark immediately or give it a week or two and let the ugliness of this A get to them. BTW, I called OM's mother again tonight to ensure she wasn't being lied to again (first lie is I was a marriage counselor and was okay with the A). OM's mother and her husband are both survivors of A's. She has alot of the same insight as I find here and she is all about ending this. I'm cautious because blood is thicker than water, but to listen to this woman and here that she knows my pain really helps. She is the only one I've exposed to other than two of our family friends (more mine than WW's). Prompts another question.....When I go into Plan B, should I expose to everyone including WW/OM work? I want to reserve that for the last resort (as learned here).

I ask for any and all input. I find solace here and when I combine responses, I've found they work exceptionally well.....

Thanks and God Bless.

Hi LS!

Well, I'm no expert on Plan-B as I didn't even know about MB when I was going through all of my W's As..... and neither of us ever moved out.

You must be stationed in europe or else you're really a night owl!!

It sounds like you're doing a good job with Plan-A and that your W is noticing the changes. It takes a while for the WS to really start believing that we, the BS, have really changed... just as it takes you, the BS, a long time to accept that the WS has stopped seeing the OM and changed their ways as well.

Plan-B is put into place in order to protect what love you still have for your W. If your W's actions are so hurtful to you, then you should seriously consider Plan-B. If however, you can put up with your W's foggy condition, then you might want to hold off on Plan-B.

IMHO, I think it's best if you can stay together with your W, especially if you have children, but then again, that's just my opinion. Like I said, my W and I never separated once during the three years that she had all of her As... so I don't have any personal experience in Plan-B...

Hopefully some more savvy MB's with Plan-B experience will help you out tomorrow morning...

Semper Fi,
RIF90

Building on RIF comments - remember, Plan B is really for your benefit - not primarily intended to have an effect on the WS (though this shouldn't be ignored).

You know my recommendation: Implement Plan B as soon as she's out and you have the separation details nailed down in writing. Then do not delay. You need some relief.

On the Plan B impact side, waiting some time before implementing Plan B gives her an easy lifeline. She can keep one foot in your door. If you want to maximize the Plan B impact on her, she has to be set completely adrift - with the only lifeline being meeting your Plan B conditions for her return. This is where MB and tough love get synchronized.

Does this make sense?

I understand your logic for arguing a delay to Plan B. It's scary to do. I've been there and I waited too long. If it helps, think of her now as a adolescent - she HAS to learn some things on her own. You've done all you can in Plan A. In Plan B you stop spoon feeding her.

WAT

I'm with WAT, I think your best bet is to go dark immediately after she moves in order to increase the impact of Plan B. I would also get your exposures done NOW before you go into Plan B. Expose to any KEY family members.

Would it help you to expose her at work? If you decide to do this, you need to do it before you go dark. Exposing is lovebuster and you really need to be in Plan A at that point in order to calm things down.

I would also assert that Plan A can backfire on you if you stay in it too long. That only prolongs the affair. Plan B is often the dose of reality that is needed to end the affair. The longer the affair, the longer it takes to recover.