Read the Karma thread - following abuse in divorcing/Divorced forum and have a question.

What actually is verbal abuse? When a partner is very controlling and paranoid and starts asking millions of questions and blows up when they're not what he wants to hear - is that verbal abuse. Sort of like a spanish inquisition - why you late? who was there? did you deliberately stay late so you could check out the men? was it because you wanted to flirt? did you touch/grope/flirt with anyone? how long does a taxi take to arrive anyway -

OR

How much did you drink? how can it be possible that you stay out for four hours and only have 4 drinks? were you drunk etc etc.

Only on selected topis though - anything to do with other men or possible straying. It gets really ballistic. The relationship is very argumentative and both parties can really press the buttons for take-off. Otherwise, perfectly calm and harmonious and sweet - except for the above.

Does it matter what you call it? Calling it verbal abuse won't help you solve the underlying trust problems that led to the accusations, it will only exasperate it. I would address the accusations calmly and try to alter my behavior in a manner that didn't make my spouse suspicious.

Stop putting yourself in positions that makes the other partner uncomfortable if you want to prove that you are serious about reestablishing trust.

It's apparent that a lack of trust is the REAL problem in this relationship and the answer to REBUILD trust, not to try to shut the other person up with girly accusations of "verbal abuse."

<small>[ August 19, 2004, 09:02 AM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>