Here is my story

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=29;t=004581

My problem is that she is denying that she is having EA again. Do i need to prove it to her before starting plan A? She is starting to talk about hte marriage being over and that we need to do something. She has stated that she is not leaving.

Why should i leave (plan b) when she is the WS?

HELP help help

im bumping this cause i really need the help

JAH,
I was hoping that someone with more plan B experience would respond..but I'll give it a go..maybe start the ball rolling so you won't feel so lonesome?

OK..let's review the point of plan B..To protect your feelings for her. Primarily anyway. Usually there are other perks, but I think that's the big fish.

As far as her not leaving..I'm a little unclear as to what that implies..not the leaving the marriage? The house? More info please?

Humph..I'm gonna go out on a limb and say I wouldn't leave at this time. I'd stand my ground..this may be fog talk..I'd be willing to bet that as the A grows [as it seems to be trying to do] she will become more and more uncomfortable around you..so if you stay, chances are she'll be willing to leave. I would just let it lie for now. I might change my mind if I had more info though..I'm sort of flying blind here, even after reviewing your link.

You know your WS is having an A. You don't need any more proof than that to start Plan A. Before even thinking about Plan B, you need to do an excellent Plan A. Plan B will not work without it.

So where do you begin? First, keep your WS in the house. She needs to see you in a different light. You need to try to remind her of what you once had.

Second, stop the LBs. Do not get into fights or screaming matches. If you find yourself starting to get upset, walk away.

Plan A is also about working on you. This will be a monster of a rollercoaster and you need to take the attention off the A. Looking at yourself, figuring out what you want, deciding what you want in an M will help you stay calm and focused.

That's what you need for a good Plan A. However way you get there is what you need to do. I found an MC and signed up for Retrouvaille soon after d-day. And I posted on MB when I thought I couldn't Plan A for another minute.

I admit this is the hardest thing I ever did, but we are proof that Plan A works.

Stay at home and do a stellar Plan A.

Thanks for the advice.

I have to go and buy SAA again. I cant find the last copy i had.

I meant that she is not willing to leave the house.

This week is the aniversery of her mothers death so Im laying low. This sat. is a memorail service and I will act as i noramlly do and not start any issues.

She is trying to push me into fights and i wont do that. Not this time....plus the xanax helps too.

I went back to the gym today and am starting on myself. I am also taking the necessary steps to protect my self legaly as well as my kids.

I hope this is correct.

Thanks again for helping. All is appreciated.

JAH

Uhm, and you're ASKING her why?

If you decide it's time for PLan B, change the locks and put her stuff on the lawn with your Plan B letter. End of discussion.

WW just said that she wants a separation. She said she is not leaving without the kids. I am not leaving either. At least not until we speak to a mediation specialist that can formulate a separation agreement.

She still denies the A.

I am heartbroken....i only have hope.

She says counciling wont help this marriage. She is not willing to try.

Is this the fog? i can only hope.

JAH, you registered almost 3 years ago. How long has this been going on?

Yes...im back for round 2...she is cheating again. The first affair she had was back then.