I was expecting it today, I just didn't realize it would wake me up this morning. Together 8 years today. I don't think he'll even remember. I guess I'll just have to settle for doing laundry today. I sent him a little pick me up gift in the mail since he was telling me he has been feeling depressed lately. I didn't mention anything about our R. I don't know if he'll get it today or tomorrow. I don't know if he'll care. Oh well...

I woke with a panic attack last week at 04:30. Heart racing, cold sweat, fear.

I pulled on some shorts and went for a run round thw dark streets.

Invigorating. Made WW a 'plan A' breakfast in bed after I got back and showered. She accepted with bad grace but....she ate it all ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Be happy.

Ivy, do something nice for yourself.

I went out to dinner alone on my 10th anniversary, three days after being served. I was sad at first, but had a great meal and wound up feeling great. The wine helped I think.

GC

Hi Ivory,

I experienced severe panic attacks during my then-H's affairs.

At one point I had one in our psychologist's waiting room. This woman literally saved my life on many diff levels during all this crap.

The receptionist rang her and she came out to help me. I was pacing back and forth and crying, I was in pretty bad shape. She had me stand with my legs straddled and had me scrunch my toes back and forth in the carpeting. Believe me it was hard enough to stop pacing and to stand still enough to do what she asked me. But it worked.

I did the toes scrunching for about 10 minutes and the panicky feelings eventually started to disipate, thank God.

Another instance was when I was driving home on the freeway on D-day, I didn't know if I was on the correct side of the freeway. I called her (counselor) and she talked me home.

Panic attacks are nothing to mess with. That feeling of impending doom is very real. I'm so sorry you're going thru any of this. You're in my prayers.

Lv,
Jo

<small>[ August 19, 2004, 02:27 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

Thankfully it seems like I got through with it all this morning. I was even feeling rather up later on in the day and sent H a "Happy August the 19th!" message to which he responded with "What happened on this date?" message. So I told him that it was nothing... just a date that used to be celebrated. He didn't respond to that. I wasn't expecting him to. Besides, things are looking pretty bad for us ever getting back together.

Anyway, I figured he wouldn't remember. At least he knows I remembered but I'm not letting it bring my day down. I was finally able to get my laundry done so I got all dressed up and I think I might go and see a movie, but first I have to head back to the hotel because I think I left my straightening iron on! Ooops! I've done that like 4 times already. Luckly I haven't started a fire yet.

Ivy,

Panic/anxiety attacks are horrible. I had one at a movie S_ and I went to during our separation. It was sort of like a first date. Half way through it I could not breathe, could not sit still. I had to get up and walk around in the lobby for ten minutes. At the time, S_ was still foggy. She complained I ruined the evening for her.

Anniversaries for me will be difficult for years, I fear. I found out about her A just three days after our 19’th. She met OMM for lunch. When it finally all came out I asked her how she could meet her lover just days after our anniversary. An anniversary she canceled our weekend away together so she could work. She said, “It was just lunch, why do you feel bad? We didn’t have sex.” Well, geeez, my bad. Arrrrrgh!

During her ten year A she forgot our anniversary more than once. She did not want to celebrate most times. She completely forgot my birthday twice. I feel so special.

Coincidence? OMM’s and our anniversaries are four days apart. His and my birthdays are nine days apart.

Hang in there. It will get better. You have your whole life ahead of you. You can be as free of H and his manipulations as you want to be.

T