Well, for what it’s worth and for those who are interested this is the latest. I received a typed letter via FedEx yesterday from my H. he obviously sent it before getting my message on Monday night that I was not going to be coming to Florida next week. It’s a 4-page letter and has a lot of personal stuff on it so I won’t post the whole thing. But basically he layed out all he did in our marriage and what he wanted and layed out all I did in our marriage and what I didn’t do. Here is the last part of the letter:

“I do not write these things to make you feel bad or to hurt you. I write this so you see that I gave a lot to you for many years hoping you would someday be the woman I thought you could be. I would see glimpses of that woman occasionally. I can see now that you have changed. You are nice to me and have lost much of the weight which had contributed to your slowly leaving me emotionally. I am proud of you more than you can imagine. It’s just a shame that it took this situation to bring this out in you. I knew you always had it in you I just kept waiting for you to realize it yourself. You are a successful, beautiful, hard driven woman who has her life ahead of her w/countless opportunities awaiting, but I can’t continue this journey w/you roughroad. I have given too much for too many years and I need to start over w/my limited finances and opportunities. I do not consider this marriage a failure. I have learned and loved too much for all these years to ever think that. You have helped to make me the man I am today and for that I will always be grateful, but I have to end this. I have to get on w/my life and so do you.

I will always love you and care for you, but I’m not in love with you anymore. I gave you my whole supply of being in love w/you for all those years, but each year you became more distant. I do not have anymore to give. I am sorry. I am filing for divorce very soon. I cannot talk to you anymore, because it doesn’t seem to solve anything and only make you and I feel worse so please don’t call me. I can never go back to you roughroad. I just want you to realize this so you and I both can have closure and start our lives anew. I wanted to do this amicably, but you’ll never let me go if I continue to talk to you. I know you are coming down next week, but I can’t see you. I can’t do it anymore. It breaks both of our hearts too much. I am asking you to please respect my decision and to not seek me out while you are here. I know that you can confront me or her, but all it will do is make things harder for us and drive me away for good. I don’t want that. I still want to keep in touch and be able to talk to you again someday. I truly believe that you have changed and don’t to hurt me anymore so please allow me to move on w/my life. Also I am moving out of the house. I cannot stay here anymore, because it depresses me more than you could imagine and because it needs to be sold so you can be financially stable. I will give you my address after all this is done. I know after reading this you probably hate me and definitely hate her. I don’t want you to hate this woman. I am fully responsible for this situation not her. She treats me good and makes me happy and has never said a bad word about you. If you truly care about my happiness you’ll let me have it peacefully. I just want to be happy roughroad, that’s all I want. I you want to communicate with me, email me. I will check my email daily, but please realize I can’t and won’t change my mind. I know this will be hard for us, but you will find someone who will love you and you will love him for who he is. I will always love you and care about you, WH”


I know lots of fog talk, I don’t really take into much account what was said but what am I supposed to do now? I had already started looking for a lawyer but will definitely be calling them today and getting more info. He is acting like a child and is exactly why I never thought I could do plan B on him because it would make things easier for him. It is probably simple for him to just walk away and not talk to me but for me it’s not simple because of the logistics of everything. I can’t even guess to what his expectations are of me w/the house. Is he just simply not going to pay the utilities and fix the stuff that needs to be fixed to put the house up for sale? Is it best just to put the house up for sale as is? I know he’s not really thinking but there’s about $1100 stuff a month that I am paying that has both of our names on it in addition to the mortgage. Is he just going to become a deadbeat H and just not ever pay them? I guess this is stuff for the lawyers.

I just got off the phone w/my mom and she said just to list everything out that I have questions about in an email because it’s the only way he’s left for me to contact him. I said how was I supposed to know he even got the emails and that the OW didn’t read them or delete him. My mom said I could simple say that I did expect a response because this is the only avenue he has left me to contact him and that is the only way to ensure these haven’t been intercepted. I also said that I really agree w/all that he has said in the letter except for thanking me for the man that I helped him become. So I have helped him become an adulterer, a liar, and an immoral person who has no idea what commitment and responsibility means? How can I be thankful that? My mom said that if it were here she would say just as much and say that is not something I want to be thanked for. But she knows that what she feels is not necessarily in line w/MB or SH but didn’t see why I could say that.

I almost feel like he’s making demands on me. Don’t contact me, don’t seek me out, don’t confront us or you’ll just drive me away for good. So does that mean I should do the exact opposite or don’t do it because that’s the way I was the whole marriage and if I did do those things then that means that I lied when I said I’ve changed? I just don’t know. I’m not going to do anything today except contact a lawyer. I’m still going to contest a D. it’s just sad, sad, sad that this is the way things are right now. What can I do? Well pray and just do what I can. I usually don’t ask for suggestions but I going to ask for them now as to how I should approach him next w/all the issues regarding the house and finance. I thought about calling him and leaving a VM that I had emailed him and saying that I would appreciate a reply to know that he received the message. But at this point I can’t make any decisions myself.

Thanks for reading and continued prayers requested, RR

<small>[ August 19, 2004, 11:17 AM: Message edited by: roughroad ]</small>

Oh roughroad, so much of what I got from my FWH while he was still all fogged-out. After living in it, it can seem very convincing. But, what he writes really doesn't make too much sense, does it? "Our M is over, but I don't regret it." ??? "You are a great person, but too late." ??? If you are from the outside looking in, as I am right now, it is more fogese.

You know, my H Plan B'd me, also. Which is really tricky to Plan A them when they do that! BUT, Plan A for me at that time was to respect his wishes. He told me he wanted to be left alone except regarding children and finances. And I tell you what, I handled EVERYTHING, and I ONLY contact him regarding those 2 subjects.

My H now tells me that when I did that, when I LISTENED to what he wanted and followed his wishes, THAT is when he started looking back at me finally. I am convinced WS's notice everything even though they don't admit it, but he really paid attention then.

Do what he wants. DO NOT initiate D. Do not comply with anything that you don't want. Let him live in his fantasy world until it crumbles down around his ears. Let it die its death, as we all know it must.

Personally, I believe it was easier for me to get on my feet and emotionally disconnect from H's chaos because he left. I would not have ever asked him to leave, and I missed him terribly, but I would rather that than what I see these others go through with it all going on right under their noses.

I have not read your entire story. Sorry. I might have certain facts wrong. But when I read this post by you today, it was so close to so many things I heard over and over. And my H is home. So, don't give up, there is hope, and if he wants to be in Plan B, let him. It will just bring the end of his fantasy sooner, IMVHO.

SS

roughroad, I am so sorry you received this letter. it must be very difficult for you, especially without a good support network close by.

rr, I would respect his wishes for no contact, but I would still not initiate the divorce and contest one if you can (can you? isn't florida NF?). But the house issues DO need to be dealt with and you need to do that in much of a non-confrontatational way that you can. I think it's good that you're going to see a lawyer--at least get your ducks in a row in order to protect yourself.

If you ever want to email, you can email me at mad#####dy@hyperchat.com, but remove the #####'s. put roughroad in the subject if you email so I don't delete.

((hugs)) for you today.

((((((((((RR))))))))))

What stupid jive, roughroad. Do your best to dismiss it. I'm sure you are not hanging onto any unrealistic expectations, but try to hang on to a little hope. So you're beautiful and perfect now, but it's too late. Bah! WS are idiots. I want to push your WH down, twice.

GC

<small>[ August 19, 2004, 12:40 PM: Message edited by: graycloud ]</small>

RR,

You need to definitely see a lawyer right away and protect yourself financially and if needed sell the home in FL. I think this could get real ugly. Please try to look out for yourself. I know that you still love your husband and there might still be hope in the future, but please please get yourself a good lawyer. Do not file for D; let him do it. He keeps talking about it, but YOU need to look out for RR because he is not going to. He's deeply fogged and is only going to care about himself and little miss. BTW, my husband used to try to tell me that OW was concerned about me, too. Well, if she was, then she would leave my husband the h*** alone.

I know that you are trying to save money for counseling with SH, but right now getting your finances and life protected is way more important than any counseling.

I'll be thinking about you.

Kati

RR-
I don't think I have posted to you before - but I just had to respond this time. I received an email from my WH in the beginning that was almost exactly like this. If you would like to see a copy of it, send me an email at my address below and I will forward it to you. Then I will forward to you the email where he says he made a huge mistake, he was an idiot, he wanted to get back together, blah blah blah.
Reading his email, where he professes that OW makes him happy all the time, that I would like her if I just gave her a chance <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> , that the two of them have this chance at happiness, and they need to grab it, because he has spent his whole life trying to make everyone else happy, and now it is his turn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> that he tried to love me, but I didn't love myself.....I could go on forever.
I was devastated when I read that email of his. In fact, I ran across it agan the other day, and at this point I have reached the other side - he and OW are no longer together, he is remorseful, and STILL it hurts my heart to read that crap.

RR, <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Wow, that's just tough all the way around.

I mean what the heck is the response to something like that ??
Nothing I suppose: as your right, he has used the "plan" from here and twisted it to work against you.

So NOW your dam*ed if you do (contact him) as this goes against what he "claims" he wants {yet fully expects you to break by chasing him]
And
dam*ed if you don't .....cause then he'll claim either you don't care or that YOU somehow agree with the "drivel" he is writing.

I wish we could somehow pick you up right now and give you a big hug.
Or better yet take you out on a night with your friends. Something.
(Lock you and your Hubby up in the Big Brother House maybe ??) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

The good news I take from his letter is that HE DOES recognize the changes and improvements you have made.
So if he's admitting this TO YOU, I'd say you've done a FIRST Class job in that department. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
So take a huge amount of PRIDE in that fact.

I don't want to say anything else that may seem "insensitive" at this time.
I know you Feel bad enough right now.
Wish there was more I could do.

Please strongly consider taking Heroswife suggestion to keep an open/current thread going between you and some others (as she said a circle within a circle).
I think It could really do you some good to have some support and understanding from some of those who've been with you through most or even all of this.
Think about it.

Feeling for you.
Take care

So.... first of all, you respect his wishes, yes?

And secondly, now that it's been forced upon you, you enter and stay in Plan B yourself.

You've been doing this forever, roughroad. Time to get off the bumpy road and choose a smoother one instead.

I find that so weird, too, that the WS's always think that we may like the OP if we just met them and gave them a chance. Pleeeez! What a bunch of b*ll! My H to this day keeps insisting that OW is a real nice girl and would never do anything to hurt anyone; let alone me! In addition, she has "morals" and she would never let herself get involved with a married man. I guess they both feel that way because they have not been together physically, so therefore all the "I love you's" and "you are my soulmate and I'll take care of you forever" really shouldn't mean anything to me, right???

She could be my best friend if I only LET her!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Kati


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by womanoffaith5:
<strong>
Reading his email, where he professes that OW makes him happy all the time, that I would like her if I just gave her a chance </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Rough -

What good do I have to offer right now? I'm hurting so bad for you. I'm sending you my prayers and some {{{hugs}}}. Stay strong. Lean on your mother, she sounds like she's got a good hold on all of this and I know she loves you very much.

SS, thanks for your encouragement and for relating your story, i always kind of keep yours in mind and how your h was saying on a friday that he wanted a D but by monday had changed his mind. i think i have that part right. also lostva's story and how her H got real mean and said he was never coming back, etc. and he did come back. i guess that's why i'm doing what i'm doing because the anatomy and nature of these situations and i don't want to burn any bridges before they come.

MK, i will take you up on your email when i get a chance. i'm not going to initiate a D. florida is a NF so i can't stop a D i can only slow it down.

GC, pretty much in the same boat as you are now, at least in the same pond. i don't really take a lot of stock in what he said. i like what you said "so you're beautiful and perfect now, but it's too late." isn't that so foggy? thanks for the offer to push my H down too.

kati, you're right, he's doing exactly what you said, he is fogged and totally about taking care of himself and the OW. he actually told me one time that she reminded him of how i was when i first met. clearly not a good statement on his part. i'm still going to counsel w/SH maybe more of to keep me in line and helping me follow through the changes that i've made (w/God's help) and also because if there ever is a day that MC happens I would like it to be w/SH and sometimes you take up the whole appt just letting him know what's happened since the last session. however, you are right, it's kind of down to the wire now and if i have to chose i think a lawyer kind of take priority right now.

WOF5, sounds like we have 2 of a kind H's, is/was your H a conflict avoider? i think that is a lot about him, that maybe he's convinced himself that he's already hurt me and now if he left OW then he would hurt her and he certainly can't have that. i want so bad to say "make sure you contact me the day you wake up from this mess and realize what you've done." i may just take you up on your email offer.

TR, thanks for the hug and you're right about what he's seen and maybe that's why he's acting the way he is. i'm not really giving him good reasons for him to continue doing what he's doing. i know a lot of what he said was just said to make himself feel better and less guilty. i can admit the wrong i've done and apologize for it which i have done. some day he will have to come to terms for what he's done whether it's in this life or the next.

JJ, well i haven't been doing this forever, really only about 5 months since i found MB but i think he has made it easier for me to be in a plan B if that's what you call it. it may seem like samantics but i can't get off this bumpy road because this is something that i have chosen as the high road and the most right road for me, maybe it's more of a self-persecution because i am reaping what i have sown and i want to make sure i do everything i can because i never want this to happen again. regardless i will come up smelling like roses, to that i am confident.

HW, thanks for the hugs, thoughts, and prayers. i think my mom has learned a lot through this as well and she has told me as such. just wish she could break away more and visit.

To all, i have an appt w/a lawyer on tuesday, it has to be a florida lawyer because that's where a D would be filed so i can only do it over the phone. i called 3 lawyers, 2 i knew belonged to the christian legal society. one guy didn't answer the phone but i don't know if he handled D's or not. the other i had actually emailed last week and he said he was a pro-marriage lawyer but didn't offer free consultations and his fee was $200/hour. the other lawyer i called was because his add in the yellow pages specifically stated he dealt w/contested D's. well they said that it would cost $100 for a consultation and that i had 30days to decide whether or not i was going to go w/their counsel or not and that if i did it would be a $1500 retainer. however, she said there wasn't a whole lot they could do until i was served. my point is i want to have all my ducks in a row so that when i am served i can then spring into action w/my lawyer.

so i decided to go w/the $200/hr lawyer for now. his assistant said to email him and give him my background and how i ended up where i am. so i think that will help, that he will already know all the stuff before we talk that way the hour is truly a solid hour of counsel. i will have to get him to be upfront w/me to tell me how much everything is going to cost so that i can plan and make the best decisions for me.

i'll be okay guys, i actually didn't get that upset about the letter. i've expected for a long time that he would move out, etc. i didn't expect that he would ask me to not contact him, just figured he would just avoid it altogether. anyway, i'm still doing what i can, when i can, for as long as i can. if i can only get the D put off for 3 months then so be it. i hope the court at least sides w/me in making H take 1/2 of the bills. continued prayers to all, RR

{{{{{{{RR}}}}}}}

Remember my Wh sent me that letter to sign? How similar they are. They all get the same virus and very sick, only GOD's grace can help them. My Wh also told me that OW was very nice, she even told him to come back to me. Would anyone believe that?

I know you are a strong girl. Please get yourself protected and stay dark if that is what he wants. Any schedule to talk to SH?

lost, i called MB and the soonest they could get me in was on the 27th, so i have an appt w/SH at 1430 next friday. however, i don't think i should wait that long to contact H. i'm going to come up w/an email to send and post it here to see what people think. i don't think i can wait another week because if H doesn't reply to me or doesn't take any responsibility w/the bills or the house then i'm going to have to go to florida pretty soon and get everything straightened out.

i'm really not going to be able to talk to SH much anymore because i feel like now i need to save everything for a lawyer. i'll get more of an idea on tuesday as to what all this is going to cost (contesting the D and slowing it down as much as possible). i have about $4000 on a credit card and that's about it. w/lawyer fees at $200 an hour it won't go very far. but i'm not discouraged because i'll just do what i can for as long as i can.

it just kind of amazes me how my H thinks he can just walk away from everything and think all is going to be okay. i know it's because he's in a fog. well he may be able to walk away temporarily but when it comes down to a D and who takes care of what, you can bet that he will have to take some responsibility for the bills. i will be adament about that.

thanks for continuing to think of me and pray for me, God Bless, RR

Rough -

Please don't go away from the boards right now. Stay here with us. Let's work on a plan to get you out more and help you meet others your age so you can start forming bonds with those around you.

I think you feel empty right now. You've worked so hard and you've improved yourself so much. Don't let this blow make you skip a beat. Keep improving yourself.

Don't forget you are a child of God.

Sending you hugs and love this morning.

Also want to add my thoughts to you, RR and heroswife and everyone in this post <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

RR, you know what I did the other night? I went to Barnes and Nobles, got myself a book and instead of going home to read it, I got myself a latte at the in-store Starbucks and sat in the cafe reading my book. I was a little uncomfortable, but not so much so because there were other people there just like me. I made sure to clear keep 1/2 the table clear just in case the cafe got busy and someone needed a spot to sit. Well, no one did <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> but it made ME feel good to make that small effort. It made ME feel good to go out where there were people, even if I was not talking with them. I plan on doing this at least once a week.

And ya know what else? There were lots of people there talking Christianity! There were groups of people doing that, and there were people alone reading about it. Now, if you were to go and do something like that, and saw someone reading a book that you were familiar with, would you feel comfortable approaching them and talking about the book? If not, would you feel comfortable going and having yourself a coffee, reading a Christian book so the title is visible to anyone walking by to maybe spark someone's interest? It's just a thought! There's not a lot of pressure here because there are other people there alone. If a gentleman approaches you..if you feel comfortable speaking as an acquaintance, then don't shut yourself off to that. But if you get weird vibes, just be friendly but kind of distant so they're not inclined to linger. Know what I mean?

Anyway, this is just a thought of something you could do that's easy and not too uncomfortable.

heroswife and maddyk,

thank you both, you guys are such sweethearts and i will try harder. i think the bookstore idea is a great place to start and will try to do that soon.

i just feel a lot of guilt. i feel guilty for the way i was in my marriage, for maybe not helping others as much as they have helped me, for not relying on God as much as i should, for thinking about a relationship w/someone else, guilt for even feeling guilty.

i listened to a CD by dr. charles stanley called "advancing through adversity" i was only able to listen to 1 CD (there's 7). but it again talked about why we have adversity and hard times in our lives. i really truly know that all this is happening for a reason. i also read part of the book dr. stanley sent me that he wrote called "the source of my strength." i talked about having emotional baggage and how we chould give it to God and that we need to pray for all this emotional baggage to be taken away from us, for all the burdens we still carry around to be released. that's probably what i need to do is stop feeling all this guilt, especially for the way i was in our marriage.

i'm more concerned w/the feelings or thoughts i have about a relationship w/someone else and that might be somehow preventing for my marriage to be healed. it's a difficult balance but i can only take one day at a time and do what i can for as long as i can. so i changed my prayers last night and asked for these burdens to be taken from me. but w/anything sometime things are easier said then done and sometimes it's hard to take your own advice.

anyway, you guys have been such a blessing as well as many others here and hope and pray that i can in someway be a blessing to you and others. as far as starting a support thread, well maybe it's time. like it was said nothing heavy just quick updates and support/advice. what do you think we should call it and who should start it? much love and prayers to you, RR

RR,

Every time you write, I can physically feel the guilt that you have regarding the way that you think you have been during your marriage with your WH. Your husband KNOWS that and in his Plan B letter to you, he uses YOUR guilt as his trump card. Everybody makes mistakes. You both were married at a very young age and you learned as you were going along with this marriage. Mistakes were made, feelings got hurt - so what? The difference is though that YOU have learned from your mistakes, HE hasn't. It is so much easier to blame you for everything and to run away into the arms of OW. You know the thing about cheating is that the WS has someone there to catch them when the fall, get sad, depressed. Someone who makes them feel better, comforts them. This makes breaking up/divorcing so much easier, doesn't it? You, RR, don't have anybody there to console you and comfort you, therefore you have to experience the entire grief and pain full force.

I'm not sure what you mean when you write that you are thinking about a relationship with someone else, but if it is what I think, then I do not believe that you should feel guilty at all. I actually think that it is healthy because it shows that you do not define yourself solely by this marriage and as a wife to your WH, but also as a woman who is capable of rebuilding her own life and of course having a new relationship should this marriage end in divorce. You have a right to happiness, RR, you do know that, right?

I'm in no way suggesting that you should react on your feelings about having another relationship, but you should also not feel guilty about it. I think most of us, BS's, at one time or another have this feeling. I know that I have thought about it and I will never feel bad or guilty about it. I can say in good faith that I have never ever betrayed my husband.

Working on a marriage when you are physically so far apart with limited or no contact for a long time, like it's been your case, RR, is very difficult. You grow apart as a couple. I would respect his wishes for Plan B right now since you really do not have a choice.

One thing that struck me in his letter to you is how many times though he mentioned that he loves you. Of course, he's not "in love" with you which technically means "in lust" since he's got OW at his side, but he loves you. If I were in OW shoes, if would run as fast as I can in the opposite direction. He will NEVER be able to love her the way he should and the way she deserves because of his own guilt, his love for you and the mess that his relationship with her was created. His OW is basically still a child, barely out of High School/College. I remember some of the letters/emails that you found during your last trip that talked about some of their arguments and it was childish, just like relationships at this age often are. Your WH is way older than OW and eventually she is probably going to move on to someone else. He sounds insecure and he's gonna get clingy and jealous (Remember when he was jealous about her going to work at a store in the Mall?).

I think you have wonderful capabilities of becoming a terrific partner to someone else in case this should not work out. You have learned so much and you have brought out the best in you. Don't feel guilt, feel proud! You deserve so much better, RR.

Take care of yourself...

Kati


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by roughroad:
<strong>

i just feel a lot of guilt. i feel guilty for the way i was in my marriage, for maybe not helping others as much as they have helped me, for not relying on God as much as i should, for thinking about a relationship w/someone else, guilt for even feeling guilty.

i'm more concerned w/the feelings or thoughts i have about a relationship w/someone else and that might be somehow preventing for my marriage to be healed. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

oh kati, kati, kati,
you're such a sweetheart too and keep me grounded. maybe that's why guilt is such an issue w/me because i think i'm finally (i know it's still difficult) realizing that i don't need to feel guilty anymore because i truly won't be the way i was again. maybe it's one of those things that the more you try not to think about something the more you actually think about it. you continue to be right w/everything you say about H. it is easier for him to blame me and you should have read the entire letter he sent me. the only satisfaction i got was knowing that not all of what he said was true and if i was the old roughroad i would definitely point out all that he didn't do in our marriage and all his shortcomings but i'm passed that.

you are right in what you guessed about a relationship w/someone else. i do believe i can be happy w/out H and look forward to being that again whether it is w/H or someone else. but i still can't do things in haste. i still need to remain guarded because I AM better than these adulterers.

maybe i am truly still hanging onto some of my old habits and i do not want to give my H the satisfaction of making me be the one to file for a D. he is so bent on being a man and that this is what he has to do, i'm letting him do it. but it's also because of what i know about the anatomy and nature of A's and how things change over time.

you said it yourself about the OW and the basics of their R. i have been trying to sit back and just watch things crumble. gosh i almost want him to get hurt by her and i know it will happen some day. he is going to get clingy and jealous and i think this will eventually get to her and then lookout, even if they end up getting married, lookout. people change we all know that.

i'm actually kind of smiling because all that he is doing is just so typical. womanoffaith5 emailed me some of the things her H had sent to her and how things are right now and it's just unreal. i also have friend who went w/something similar who said the same stuff about her H and then how he came back, etc. it's still sad though and my H has tons of issues that when i think of them, i do question as to whether or not we would make it if he were to come back.

listen to this, when i was at our house last the first weekend in july and i was on the computer getting some directions w/mapquest and i looked to see what the last sites visited were and there were several porn sites. if h is indeed having all his SF needs met and has such unlimited access to the OW then why does he have to go to these sites? like i said, he has issues, and it's clear that OW can't meet all his needs and things will all come together one day and he will wake up from his total life fog land, to that i am confident.

i'm going to post my first email to H for review. i won't be able to send it until monday because i don't have computer access at work and i want to see what suggestions i receive first. hope you have a good weekend and thanks for the pep talk! RR

RR, my posts are limited by travel fatigue and Sierra Nevada Pale, so take this not too seriously.

Here's the thing with pushing them down twice. The first time is a surprise. Then just as they start to get up, you push them down again, yelling, "Stay down!" Followed by some vague insult ("sh*theel" and "numbnuts" are my favorites)

RR, how are you coping with this? Do you have any secret tricks for holding on to your feelings? I'm starting to worry about mine. I'm getting plan B foisted on me, so that would make little difference, but even so, I'm starting to view the sparrow as my enemy. I don't know how to change that feeling. It's got me worried you can bet.

gC

You need to read that book love must be tough by Dr james Dobson. Please read this book if you have not because i felt so much better after reading it.

You need to let WH go...just like i did to mine.

If WS wants plan B...give him plan B...

For some WS...plan A won't work.

I know you still love him so much and that it is not easy letting go but maybe letting go is actually the only way to bring him back to his sense.

Plan A is not the high road...plan B is because between the two...plan B has higher risk of losing WS and it is harder to do.

I know this is a very confusing time for you. I know deep down just like me, you want to save the marriage and we love our husband very much. I will do anything and i mean ANYTHING to bring WS back to me...if someone can guarantee that plan A works in certain amount of time will get WS back i will do it but there is none.

Finally i realise that letting WS go, me moving ahead and living happily is the only way i can get WS to notice me. Sure enough lately he seemed to notice!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />