I just feel like I want her out of my life soo bad now. She only calls when she wants something and she is being nice, but she just disgusts me. I keep having horrible thoughts like hoping she and OM die of cancer or burn in hell together. When I don't hear from her I am ok, even though the last three nights she was in my dreams. When I hear from her or see her soon after I fill with hate. She called this am asking how mortgage was going because she just wants her fricking money of course and could give two *&%^$ about me. What a low life piece of garbage I am married to. I cannot even believe the mistake I made. I am sorry, but have to vent before my head explodes! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Juke,

We all hear your pain and THIS is where that pain should be expressed. Do not talk of this anger with anyone that has contact with your WW.

Remember to your WW you are happy, content and moving on with your life.

Strange, but I haven't dreamt about my wife since I left the house.

You are in my prayers as always.

I feel your pain. I feel the same about my WH at times. What a selfish piece of garbage!!!! Sometimes I wonder if he even deserves my love. Most of the time I know he doesn't. I am trying to save my marriage for me and my son. My son loves his father and is torn to pieces that he is not here with us. It's so hard. Hang in there. WE're all here to hear you vent when you need to.

Yeah, well she doesn't really talk to anyone but her new friends, but I wouldn't say this stuff anyway. I dream about her every night and we are together like normal as if this never happened. What really gets me is how happy she acts most the time when we talk. I feel like saying GLAD YOU ARE SOO HAPPY NOW YOU $^$%$!! It is one thing to do what our WSs did, but to do it and keep doing it and not try to fix it or make things right takes a certain kind of person. It is such a LOW act that I cannot even comprehend. Who are these people?

Aliens, Juke.

Vent away, and hold on if you can.

Continuing to like my WW is a challenge for me as well. I don't know what to do to protect my feelings. NC is fine, but things still happen. And none of them make me like her.

GC

The question is not who are these people but what have they become. Most remind me of a 6 year old child and/or a drug addict. Instant gratification for ALL THEIR needs.

I know they are aliens, but they have to have human in there somewhere don't they? Some heart, some soul, some morals, some respect? Where did it go? Yeah Cymanca, I know. I just want so bad for her to realize what she has done and lost. Also, how can she not hate this idiot? He manipulated her into losing everything, destroying her marriage, and throwing away all of her beliefs and morals. But he gets respect after a few months and I get &*^% for standing by her and being a loving husband for years.

I have gone through the same ups and downs...some of my cheating H's actions have been so outrageously immature and hurtful to me that my friends/family have wanted to kick the livin *&^% out of him. Something keeps me hanging on...I think of the good memories and have decided to let him be for now. He has admitted to dating again but I no longer want to know details...want to just focus on me for a bit and let him realize what a frickin mistake he is making and hopefully he will come home with a new, improved attitude. You should try the same...let her realize what a B*&^% she is being and the mistakes she is making acting out towards you, the innocent one. Focus on you for now..think of what is positive in your life...hang with friends, go out, try to enjoy life independently for now. That is what I am going to try to do. ( :

ME: 28 yo Faithful wife of 3 years
Him: 30 yo unfaithful H; affair lasted 4 months; he ended it 1/04, dropped the bomb 5/04, had acted immaturely all summer since we separated 5/04.

Aim for the shins Juke! jk...

I think almost all us BS's wish that the person we once knew, the one that was so loving and caring, would come out and realize what a big mistake they are making and show some remorse.

I think we all dream that one day they will just snap out of it and appoligize for all the anguish they've put us through. Unfortunately that doesn't seem to be happening in either of our cases.

Lately I find myself growing distant from my WH. I look at him and I don't even see the man I once loved. Still, I dream of him returning and things going back to normal only to wake up to the realization that things will always be different even if we ever got back together.

I don't think it's the A that causes the change so much as the treatment of the BS during this time of seperation. We were never given the chance to heal together. Instead on top of the original pain of getting over the A we have now been battered even further by the way the WS's treat us. That I think is the harder thing to get over.

I think it's that pain that makes us feel like we hate our WS's at times. Deep down I know I don't hate my WH but some times he makes it easy to not like him very much.

<small>[ August 19, 2004, 07:05 PM: Message edited by: ivoryivy ]</small>

Dear Juke,
They may seem happy now but it will not last.
You are the one with the strength.
Vent your anger and let it go.
You have integrity and self-respect.
You know who you are.
Others see your goodness and loyalty.
You will find happiness.

Gillian

Ivory- You are right. The damage caused by continued abuse is far greater than the A itself. Far greater! If she only knew that before maybe things would have been different, but probably not. I don't see my WW as the person I once loved either. It's like my wife is dead and has been invaded by an alien being. Makes those movies about cheating spouses that go psycho seem much more realistic doesn't it?

Gillian_313 - I don't even know if "they" as a couple are happy because she didn't seem happy with that last time we talked. I also don't know if she is truly happy or just fake fronting like she always has done. She is able to put on a mask and conceal her emotions very well. Her father taught her that. Even if she was feeling horrible I don't know if she would call me. Too much pride etc.

kjb23- The memories (which are almost 100% good) are what have kept me caring at all up to this point also. Yeah, u should let him stew in his decision. I have been letting her do that and trying to just move on and live my life but we are still dealing with the house deal. She just calls about that issue or if she wants something. She has never once called me to just see how I am doing thru all of this. Well actually, in her false recovery she came out to see me and asked how I was etc. Probably only because her and OP weren't getting along so well at the time and wanted to make sure I was still around. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Yeah I know they have to be aliens. Follow along--One of the reason why the OW had an A and left her H with my H is that she thought he would be a better spiritual leader.LOL! They are all screwed up in the head.


BW 27
BH 26
D-4 S--2
M-5yr together 10
Sep-2/04
plan b 8/12/04

Juke -

It is very hard to go thru all of this. My WH is so in the fog that I don't know him anymore. I tell him that the husband I knew is dead.

Everything I loved about him and married him for is gone. The person in his place is a stranger.

I have been dealing with this for 19 long months. But I am just about done. I hope that you will hang in there a little longer. You are a great looking man. You will do well, whether with your wife, or without her.

Hi Juke1225- I know how you feel and I sympathise. WW is trying to screw me over at the moment legally. It's amazing how you can go from totally grounded into complete rage if you are not careful. Keep venting here to your online friends as has been suggested. It's best to get the anger out here were to people that are sympathetic to your plight and not let it build up to the point where you explode at WS. I did that last night and was angry at myself for doing so.....

My god...this all sounds way too familiar. I don't think I'll ever understand how someone is humanly capable of causing so much hurt to the person they vowed to love, protect, and cherish for a lifetime. My H had the affair, tried to hide from me for 5 months but eventually the guilt go the best of me and he started to lash out...verbally abusing me, going out and getting drunk, literally breaking every vow he once promised to keep. I think "fog" is a great term because all of our cheating spouses seem to be really messed up in the head. They are all copping out of what would be the mature way to handle the situation...communicating to us what was wrong and what steps can be taken to work through the marriage. My H admits to actively dating right now which is crushing but makes me realize that I may not be the special person in his life anymore and may have to explore other men in a different light now. Just like many of you do, I still have visions of the man I married walking through that door, giving a sincere apology, and making a similar effort as I have to salvage our marriage. However, I think while my H is still in his "fog", I have to live life completely independent and see what the outside world has to offer me right now. I am not ready to actively date as he is but I am going to be more social rather than spending my evenings home alone crying.

Happy healing all....kjb

Me: 28 yo faithful wife
Him: 30 yo cheating H who had 4-month affair last fall; he ended it 1/04, dropped the bomb 5/04, leaving a couple days later. He just signed a 1 year lease at another apartment and admits to actively dating ) :