Hey all,
Things are going smoothly thus far. No LB's for almost 2 weeks. Have come to realize some of my LB's and trying to do a little cognitive therapy for myself.
My question is Even though i can admit to alot of the problems the led up to A where of my doing. It seems sometimes that WW doesn't always want to own up to the A as being a big part of the reason why i might have been acting like i was over last year. Unbeknowest to me at that time that there was A going on for 6mo. Started out just past year the problems where with me according to WW now it gotten to last 2-3 years of our marriage there where these problems. Maybe so but i don't seem to recall the problems as bad as she making out them to be. I hear her say she feels awful and bad about the affair but she also ask why can't we just forget about it. Believe me i would like to but not as easy for me. I am amazed at how easy it is for WW to block out affair and not for me. I still find myself( and have admitted this to her) wondering what they talked about,rest. they went to,music they listen to etc. She states what the point now in remembering this. I stated that because it is a part of you and your life that i will never truly know or what was happening between you. Anyone else have these thoughts? Do they ever go away? Always seem to hit me at odd times,ex. in shower, in middle of a lunch, in morning when walking the dog.
I know she feels guilty about the whole Affair and she has admitted to a point that she blames herself for this ,but sometimes i feel that it is not enough, feel like i am the one appologizing more than she is.
Maybe i am trying to make something out of nothing. Maybe since on a good roll with WW should just let it go and not get so wrapped into that part.
Any thoughts??
jets

Jets,

Perhaps you need to know because you worry that you failed her and what she needed and liked. Perhaps you worry because you want to be the H she wants and needs and YOU KNOW that you failed and you worry that you don't know enough to not fail again. Perhaps you worry because you want to LEARN from this as much as you can so that you can make the marriage better AND help your W recover as well.

Perhaps she needs to know that your needing to know is NOT about punishing her, but healing you and helping you become a better H for her, as well as making you more comfortable in your NEW marriage.

Do you see where I am going with this? Your request for knowledge is NOT to punish her, but to help you, your marriage, and how you interact with your W from now on.

Think about it.

God Bless,

JL

Thanks JL,
I am getting what you are saying.
jets