I just don't have any valid proof of an A. And I really have looked hard.

I have read Dobson, and am doing that, I guess. But I've been thrown off by him actually filing papers for divorce, and not sure what to do at this point.

I can't bear to see him tomorrow, although I actaally considered going to his place tonight to try to talk to him, isn't that crazy? I feel like I need to do everything I can so save this, and find my H again, but I just don't know what to do/

You can't fix your H right now and this is causing you great frustration. why? Because he isn't your H. He is a Ws.

You are using the wrong approach on this matter. You need t/d tough love.

Until your mind and heart are back in sync you will be all over the place unless you discipline yourself by implementing a good and solid plan B. Read up on it.

Have you identified your boundaries yet? Do you have a good MC or done phone counseling with Steve H @ MB? Have you established your personal support group? Have you taken the EN questionnaire once for you and 2nd as your H?

There is a lot the BS can do with all your pent up energy and frustartion. Keep a journal. Post here. Help others here.

Go to the doctor and ask for AD's as needed. Take up a hobby or change your schedule.

JMHO,
L.

CM

Don't ever give up hope. If we didn't have hope there wouldn't be anyone at MB.Yes, I do know of a couple at my church whose H was in an A and broke it off the day she was suppose to sign the papers.Also, my BH has a family member whose wife DV him and she came back after the DV was final.Make sure though you do look out for yourself and your children.I will be praying for you!

Thank you for your imput and advice. The best thing is that I'm buying a place for my kids and me to live. My H and I sold our house 1 1/2 years ago and have been searching hard for another, up until one month before he told me he didn't love me anymore. The place I'm buying is one that we looked at together. It's a dump (can you say trailer trash?) but the land is beautiful and it's affordable (can you say trailer trash?) Hopefulyy I will be able to put a house on it in a few years.

This will help me to focus more on me and the kids and getting ourselves out of this rental and back into some stability. I think H sees it that I don't need him anymore or love him, or only need his money, or something.

Where is the EN questionaire?

cm

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by country mama:
<strong> .....This will help me to focus more on me and the kids and getting ourselves out of this rental and back into some stability. I think H sees it that I don't need him anymore or love him, or only need his money, or something.

Where is the EN questionaire?

cm </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Emotional Needs Questionnaire: EN Questionnaire

As for you not needing anything. The WS want to believe that is true. Even if it is, each family always needs the other famiy members. My Ws wanted to use that as an excuse also. Scary how sooo many seem to react basic WS classic textbook. It is like they have been indoctrinated.... but when? How? why? Sooo many questions and sooo little time.

For now you do what you need for your family. The WS will be an a$$, stay as far away from that mess as you can.

JMHO,
L.

Thank you for evreything, I need to get to bed, goodnight.

Hi Whitefeather, long time no see. I've been in England on holiday. Told my mum what's been going on. Very hard on my family with us so far away. I notice you've been absent a while too. How are things?

My H called the friends who are doing the kid drop off this morning, and said he felt really bad about this and was trying to call me but I wouldn't answer the phone. The wife said "Well, I think she's a little upset about the papers". She says he sounded bummed, and said he was doing mediocre, and sad abouthurting me and the situation.

Keep in mind I have no evidence of OW and nobody else seriously suspects that, although of course there could be one.

Will I ever sleep again?

Tummytuck - I don't want to hijack this thread so will start a new one.

Country Momma - hang in there. This stuff is exhausting. Keep posting, the site is full of people that care and have been there.

IF you do speak with WH don't push, don't demand . . . attempt to just keep communication lines open.

Sounds like there is missing information and it really should be addressed prior to divorce.

Also, another tactic that you might consider is that in your response to divorce papers (through your lawyer) you should request counseling.
Counseling will drag it out, and allow for some of the facts to come out hopefully.
And again, what have you to loose by taking your time getting the divorce.

hi country mama....hang in there...my WH told his mom he was sad about the whole situation, and hurting me and the kids.

Everybody says just get a plan and stick to it.
Good advice.

Everyone here is so knowledgable, i dont know how i would have managed the last 3 weeks without them. My WH moved out 3 weeks ago. It does get better.

take care country mama
A/C0810

I had to see H today when he dropped off the kids. He has taken off his ring, because a "friend" of mine pointed out to him that I was holding out hope for getting back together because he was still wearing it.

I gave him a 4 page letter talking about special memories of mine, from first date on, but refrained from discussing kids, because he has said he doesn't think I lvoe him, and that I only want him around to help with the kids. He said he would read it.

So papers are filed, should be final in 3 months, do I throw in the towel, Plan A, Plan B, or something inbetween?