Hi everyone......here's the latest email from WH.

Dear W

This paycheck is all yours, but after that I will be giving you $300.00 per pay (So every 2 weeks). I went to the court-house to find out what I have to pay and they said $544.00/per month. If you want to talk more about it you know how to get a hold of me.

WH

Ok, first off $600.00 per months will really be tough for me. I will probably need social assistance to make ends meet. Of course WH wont be told this. At this point I really dont care, let him pay me that amount, and then let's get down to Dark, Dark, Dark, Plan B.

Like he wants to be friends and talk, hell no.

In regards to his email, this are my two options.

1......dont even reply, and hopefully he assumes that i have accepted the support amount.

2......reply with this email:

H
$600.00/per month is gonna be hard for me to make ends meet, but if thats what you were told, than I guess thats what your gonna pay me.

Now go on and get on with YOUR life, and WE shall do the same.

Love Forever
Sue

Please advise this send above or not reply at all.

Few things i need to mention though. I did check with my lawyer and she said, according to my WH yearly income (his makes ****ty money), $600.00/per month would be good.

I havent worked our whole marriage, i could ask for Alimony, but not gonna go there. If i ask for more favors, he only want more from me (like using his garage, friendly chitchtting, etc.)

Right now, i just want this man to be Plan B'd to death.

Anyway, please help me once again like always,thanks so much.

A/C0810

You have been married long enough to insist on spousal support. Have you talked to an attorney?

Some states dont offer alimony....Texas is one of them...Talk to an attorney ASAP! Get this all legalized! Do you seperation in your state? you can have that legalized!

Dear A/C,
It is important to get things done properly and legally, but it's the enforcement that is the trick. In Ontario, alimony is pretty rare I think these days and the bottom line is about what he will only be forced to pay from what he has (from assets or from income). My ExH promptly became "unemployed" as soon as he was told he had to pay support. There are laws now that make it easier for wives and mothers to collect what has been decided legally, but IF he decides to be a JERK (like mine did), it's a long dry haul to get it looked after for you through the system.
Since you have found out that the figure you have been quoted is the most likely number, it might be in your best interests and those of your children to simply and politely accept.(Do check with your lawyer though !) If your anger and hurt (to which you are certainly entitled) gets right out in front, you may shoot yourself in the foot. Another consideration, for the sake of the children, it's usually better to keep things as peaceful as possible, they hurt enough. A lot of damage can occur(to them) when the two people they love most in the world are at each others throats. Not an easy task for us but perhaps better in the long run ! Hugs, WA

Hi everyone....thanks for your replys.

beleiver.....yes i think i would definetly be entitled to spousal support. I just dont want to rock the boat. I know he wants special favors from me which i am not willing to oblige. Yes, i have talked to attorney, she told me that amount for support was acceptable with his income.

momto3boys.....im in Ontario, Canada. Actually, i am trying not to get lawyers involved. Lawyers here are $150.000/per hour. My opinion is when they are involed they are the ones that win. Yes, though i have been to see a lawyer just to clarify a few things.

Warm Ashes.....yes, i want to keep things as peaceful as possible. After all i am still hoping for reconcillation with this man.

Anyway, what about the reply, should i reply or just assume he knows if i dont answer then the amount is accepted.

I wrote what i wanted to say in my first post on this thread.

Thanks Again to everyone
A/C0810

Dear A/C,
As long as you believe your rights are protected by responding, wouldn't you think that a "I accept your proposal" kind of response would be courteous ? Especially since you have expressed a desire for a possible reconcilliation in the future. Just my opinion though! Best of luck !
WA

Thanks Warm Ashes.....yes i think i shall email him back and say that amount is acceptable. Can i say the part about now go and get on with your life and we shall do the same, or would that be an LB.

Its just that the last two weeks he keeps saying look i want to get on with my life, so lets get these financial things worked out.

Can i word it like this:

H

You stated many times that you want things settled so "You can get on with your life", now its settled, so go and get on with your life and we shall do the same.

Love you forever
W

Oh, i would be adding the part of acceptance of the support payments.

Or....should i just accept the proposal of support payments and leave it at that.

Sorry to be such a nuisance
thanks always for help
A/C0810

Dear A/C,

If you can't beat them... confuse them.
I'd send him a very short message.

OK thanks.

This conveys all you want to say.
a) you agree with the suggested payment
b) you'll not waste anymore words on it which means you are getting him get on with his life while you're doing the same, and any more words would be wasted to his foggy thinking anyways
c) thanks means... well, whatever he'll make of it.. it means I love you still.. I thank you for taking care of this (as opposed to having to chase him around the country and having to use expensive lawyers to get any money whatsoever)
d) it's not very likely to make him respond - what can you possibly answer to this?
e) the thanks might puzzle him. good. it makes you the nice person <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

If he gets so confused he asks "Huh? What do you mean?" you can still answer - I agree to this amount you'll pay me. Thanks.

<small>[ August 21, 2004, 01:53 PM: Message edited by: brownhair ]</small>

"beleiver.....yes i think i would definetly be entitled to spousal support. I just dont want to rock the boat. "

Pardon me if this appears rude... but I don't think I believe what I am reading...

You are "entitled" to spousal support according to the law ...

but because you don't want to "rock the boat"...

you will settle for less than you are entitled to and thereby place yourself on "public assistance" so the good people of your country can support you instead of your unfaithful husband supporting you .....?

Do I understand the fundamentals of this senario, or do I misinterpret?

Are there extenuating circumstances here... or is this just about it ... "don't rock the boat"?

Pep

Warm Ashes.....yes, i want to keep things as peaceful as possible. After all i am still hoping for reconcillation with this man.

One of the realities your H needs, is to know the consequences of leaving you ...the emotional consequences, the spiritual consequences, the social consequences, and of course, the financial consequences.

It is part of a good relationship to ask for your needs to be met, not to deny that you have those needs. If you have financial needs, it is your H's obligation to meet them.

Allowing your WH to skirt away his financial obligations is not a very good indicator to him of how much you value your worth!

YOU are worth it. Show your WH you value yourself enough to seek what is rightfully yours. Spousal support is something you have earned by virtue of being his wife.

If you do not respect yourself, don't expect your WH to respect you.

Pep

<small>[ August 21, 2004, 02:07 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Pepperband is, of course, completely correct. To back her up, I'd refer you to Penny Tupy's recent musing on conflict avoidance, which is here.

Here's the salient message that's important to your situation, A/C:

Conflict postponement is one of the greatest threats to marital health. Some consider it to be the greatest factor predicting divorce. If you are concerned about being good to your spouse and your marriage then you will put away a desire to `be nice' and concentrate instead on being honest and courteous.

Rocking the boat is not the problem. Standing up for yourself in a way that's polite and fearless IS.

Hi all....yes i think i should explain my phrase "rocking the boat". I mean in a text of what WH can come to me and insist by law.

I am in Canada, so our laws are different. Many of you have talked about changing locks, that CANNOT be done here. I cant even phone the police to have him removed from the property (unless he is violent and abusive of course). Lawyer told me he has every right to be here, its the matrimonal home and property. He wants to come and work in his garage, i cant do a damm thing about it. I cant keep him out the house.

Right now as far as i know he hasnt investigated any of these things. When i told him i couldnt see or speak with him, and told him not to come up that weekend, he wrote me and back and said he wouldnt unless he had my permission. Little does he know he doesnt need my permission by our laws here.

I hope you can see where i am going with this. Its not that i dont want to rock the boat in terms with him being mad or upset, or not respecting my self, its more of a fact i dont want to give him any leveredge. Does anyone understand what i am trying to say here. Its like ok , i give you child support and spousal support, but i want to use my garage every other weekend for a year and who knows what else he might want in the long run.

Am expecting to beleive that him and OW are moving in to apartment this weekend. Right now he has left me the house and all furniture. They will need furniture for there place. Again i ask for spousal support, well, he might just think about receiving half of what he has left me with. Again, lawyer has said he is entitled to it. According to my lawyer, everything down to a fork, is half his.

Also, you know the saying, "Cant get blood from a stone". With the child support is gonna leave him pretty well strapped for money. He's been withdrawing large cash advances from HIS Visa in the last week. I imagine this is for first and last months rent for there place.

I will take what everyone has said into consideration. I will call my lawyer Monday morning and discuss spousal support with her.

WH has not been to a lawyer at all....yet.

Dont know if this makes any sense to you, but not asking for spousal support is worth its weight in gold to me, just to be able to keep him from working in his garage. That alone gives me piece of mind.

As for robbing money from my tax payers, yes i agree that is not the greatest predicament to be in, but it would only be until i get on my feet, and getting things together and on a budget. Also i plan on finding work, right now i have a knee injury that is causing quite alot of discomfort, but i am willing to tough it out, if a job oportunity comes into play for me. I need to have surgury on it to fix it, probably not until next spring. Cant get a MRI till january /2005. Again, thats Canada for ya. Cant do the surgury till i get this MRI.

So its not a fact that i am trying to be nice to WH when i say i dont want to rock the boat. I probably forgot to mention this, but along with the child support, WH is taking on my car insurance montly payment, and the line of credit monthly payment. That alone is an extra $300 per month he will pay on top of the child support. So actually there's my spousal support money, actually probably more than i would get. His annual income in very low.

Once again though, i promise you guys i will check out the spousal support with my lawyer Monday morning.

thanks for your replys
A/C0810

Sweetie-
Laws here in California are the same. I cannot keep my WH out of the house. And an attorney here is $300.00 an hour.

But if you cannot live on what he is willing to pay, you need to seek spousal support. Don't worry about rocking the boat. If he wants half of your furniture, give it to him.

I would rather live without furniture, than go without money. You deserve the spousal support.

It will be very good for him to live with OW. That will probably end the A.

thanks beleiver....as i said i will speak with my lawyer Monday morning.

I am trying to keep hope that now that they are moved in with each other, the A wont survive.

My neighbor just informed me about a possible job as cashier, so i hope that happens.

I am very sad right now, i cant stop having the thoughts of them and their new apartment. They are probably like kids in a candy store.

I am still reeling at the thought of 2 yrs recovery and everything was fine, and then bang everything changed at the drop of a hat.

I know that the first A, he was in alien fog, but this is second A with same OW, why do i doubt that this is fog too. Do you think that this is not fog, and possibly how he really feels.

thanks as always
A/C0810..........its Saturday nite and i am lonly
for WH.

Well, join the club. We are all lonely on a Saturday night. The best thing is for them to live together. That should end the fantasy.

thanks beleiver....where are you on this heatbreaking road. I read you sig line. Big family.

Yes, i beleive probably tonite is their first nite at their place. I have a really long haul ahead of me. I imagine it will take some time for the fantasy to bust.

I need to get a better plan for myself right now. The days seems to go so slow. I need a real good pick me up, maybe a job, i dont know.
I have one separated girlfriend, but i dont really think i am ready for dating and bars which she is into.

I think WH is going to enjoy me being in Plan b. I think he expected to hear alot from me. Im so dark. As i said i hope plan b doesnt backfire on me. I think maybe he will like the complete freedom now. I hope not.

Well nothing else to do tonite, think i'll just go to bed.

take care, beleiver
A/C0810

Dear A/C,
I feel a little intrepid after all the strong and good advice you have received, but I did want to add a few words.
I too am in Ontario and the divorce and separation laws are what they are. Been there, done that ! In fact you may very well be ENTITLED to alimony, it's the getting it that is the problem. You have been so hurt and sometimes we women tend to slink away, with our tail between our legs, but I did'nt get that impression from your post. I sounds more like you have weighed your options, looked at the big picture and made some hard choices. As you so well know, lawyers usually end up the winners if there is a "hot" fight. My lawyer told me up front that I was entitled to a lot more than I settled for, but that the fight would cost me more than I would gain. And then there's the emotional strain, peace of mind issue etc. You have children to consider too, so you have to be able to function both emotionally as well as financially. We all pay taxes and probably resent the burden, but when in need, don't be afraid to ask the system to help for a while. As you said until you're on your feet. I do agree that you need to have good legal advice, but sometimes the way you chose to go, will just need to be acceptable for YOU and the kids.
Wishing you peace, Hugs, WA