FYI for all those MBers who know my story,
I dropped a bomb today at MC.

You have to know a few things about my story:

While we dated wife dumped me for another guy. Another guy alot in personality to OM. Once he used her he dumped her. Stupid me responds to her calls. Claiming what a mistake it was. Despite all the hurt from rejection I take her back. Four months later we're engaged. "Huh," you say. That's right. On the rebound we get engaged.

The rejection hurt from it's face value as well as the fact that I was a hard working but basically poor young guy. She was interested in the young already making $$ attorney. (I still hate attorneys to this day. Unfortunately in my business I have to work with them in all their pomposity.

Needless to say my W's affair has raked up all of this muck.

In addition, the person she had the affair with was yet another "competitor" from 20 years ago, a co-worker of hers. They were "just friends" but I always heard that bit of excitement in her voice or saw the twinkle in her eye when she spoke of him.

Anyway enough dredging of all of the background.

So today I've had some triggers that really got me going. I walk into MC dump on the MC and when my wife joins us I basically in so many words tell her that deeply regretted ever marrying her.

I won't go into details about her reaction but suffice it to say she went into complete shut down mode. So gang it's over.

Mac

PS Please excuse me if I don't respond to posts I'm supposed to be away this weekend. Also, I'm just not in any damn mood.

All I'll say is that sure Is ONE H*LL of a 1000th post.


Still doesn't mean that it's Over, just cause you were being Honest.
Not unless your saying you want it to be . Then sure: IT WILL BE.

Heck, ALL of us here have regretted marrying our spouses (and Meant it).
And many of us Have "said" it.

Feeling for you, Mac. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Don't have too many Cold ones.....or if you DO......at least NO Driving.
later

Mac, I have seen this coming from 12,000 miles away. I mean literally from where I live and figuratively from your posts.

But I still don't know what to say.

Jen

<small>[ August 20, 2004, 08:28 PM: Message edited by: KiwiJ ]</small>

Mac, it really doesn't sound THAT BAD. It's HUGE however to you and your wife, perhaps it was in the delivery? As Top Rope said, most us here have felt that way due to the added marital examination that infidelity brought into our lives. Hey, I said it too and definitely meant it at the time.

You sound like you were being honest and at the same time were honestly surprised yourself, sort of one of those therapy moments from h*ll. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

At least now that it's on the table, you can deal with it, both of you. Your choice, of course. It sounded like you were saying that b/c FWS went into shutdown, that the marriage is now truly doomed. Well maybe it's not, maybe you both needed to be jolted into reality, no place to go but up and all that. (Or out, God forbid for your children's sake.) Is this really rock bottom?

Over the last few months, in your posts to others, it seemed like you and FWS were rapidly circling the drain but you didn't ask for help. Are you asking now?

I hope you stick around, stick to it and don't throw in the towel yet. Give it (the marriage, your own recovery and MB) another shot, but this time on the MB receiving end, how about it? I'm so sorry to hear you so down, you just sound so worn out Mac. Hang in there ok? KB

Gosh darn it KB you do this every time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I sit there with my mouth flapping open and shut and you come in with good, sensible, caring words. Now where's that little cut and paste I keep specially for your posts? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Mac, now I've had time to digest what you've said I can only agree with KB (again <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> )

Jen

<small>[ August 20, 2004, 11:36 PM: Message edited by: KiwiJ ]</small>

The Blind leading the Blind! But here goes.

Firstly, many on MB's won't understand why you haven't followed *the plan* and are getting over it by now. But, it's not that easy is it? Betrayal is fundemental and it's hard to live with. It's bad enough to be betrayed by a stranger, but in someone who is your life's chosen partner? It's almost unbearable. I know.

I'm interested in how your W is behaving towards you. I tend to think that had I been the betrayer I would have worn out my tongue, begging my H to forgive and understand the pain I feel at hurting him. How much remorse has your W shown? How desperate has she been to gain your forgiveness and understanding?

I've thought about leaving my H but one thing I've felt I had to be comfortable with before I could make the break was whether I'd be upset to see him with someone else. So far, I've not been able to achieve that. When you think of life away from your W, do you find it upsetting to think of her with another man?

Is there anything about your W that you still love and desire? e.g. does her smell and the feel of her skin provide you with feelings of comfort and happiness? Does her conversation provide you with food for your soul? Do you feel complete sometimes, when you are with her?

Or is it all gone now? Is it totally sour and is she just the person you live with?

I don't know how old you are or why that is relevent. For me, at age 51, I cannot be bothered to start again with someone else. I'm not sure that anyone else could provide me with the company that my H provides me with - in spite of his absolutely appalling bout of shocking behavior, he and I still have many moments of magic together. We complement each other brilliantly. We always did. But, I still experience moments when I want to mash his face to a pulp. Because he did something so utterly cruel and horrible. Something I didn't believe him capable of. It's tuff for all BS's. It's unbelievably hard.

I believe you have a right to happiness and you shouldn't have to live with such disappointment for how ever long it takes for it to fade in your heart - but you need to be honest with yourself about whether you have enough going on with your W to make staying with her worth all the hurt. If I didn't think it was worth staying I'd leave. If you feel that you can meet someone who is good and true, and not look back to what you've left behind, then who can criticise you? I wish you the best.

Anyname

I think most of us feel the same way. Who would get married and expect to end up with a cheater?

Your feelings are perfectly normal.