Just wondering how long one should stay in plan B.Also should you date while in plan B. WW says she wants me to date to see if it affects her enough to possibly knock her out of the fog.

Good question....can't wait to hear the answer to this one!

quartz,

Are you in Plan B??? I'd find this hard to believe if you don't fully understand the ramifications and approach that Plan B employs.

Plan B is a no-contact separation. It's general timeframe is 12-24 months. It is a period in which you are attempting to protect your marriage by removing yourself from the affair situation. Protecting your marriage would include not dating---not hanging out with members of the opposite sex, not discussing your marital problems with the opposite sex. Protecting your marriage would also include not hanging out with people who aren't "marriage-supportive".

Eventually, you will (slowly) lose love for your spouse. You generally remain in Plan B until one of two things happen:

1. Your spouse comes back willing to reconcile, and is ready to commit to a plan to do so (no contact, counseling, etc).

2. You lose enough love for your spouse so you're ready to divorce and move on.

We can always pray and hope that the #1 choice happens. Hang in there! I know how you feel.....my WH tells me the same stuff. "go date someone else." God, how easy it is for him to just fall out of love with me and then push me off to someone else. I don't know about anybody else here but dating is the furthest thing from my mind. My heart is with my H.....even though he doesn't deserve it right now.

oops!

<small>[ August 26, 2004, 01:06 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

Just wondering how long one should stay in plan B.
Two years.

Also should you date while in plan B.
No. While in Plan B, you are married and Plan B is an attempt to help save your marriage. Dating does not save mariages.

WW says she wants me to date to see if it affects her enough to possibly knock her out of the fog.
No, she wants you to date to help ease her guilt. She will think if you date, you don't really love her or want to stay married.

Just wondering how long one should stay in plan B.
Two years.

Also should you date while in plan B.
No. While in Plan B, you are married and Plan B is an attempt to help save your marriage. Dating does not save mariages.

WW says she wants me to date to see if it affects her enough to possibly knock her out of the fog.
No, she wants you to date to help ease her guilt. She will think if you date, you don't really love her or want to stay married.

I concur, NO dating. Its an attempt by your WW to ease guilt as others have said.
If you get to the point that you want to date, you need to file for divorce on your own.

Plan B for 2 YEARS?

2 YEARS?

My GOD!!!
How many men have Plan B'd for 2 YEARS?

Seriously it's only been a couple days and right now I can't even imagine doing this for a year or even 6 months.

I don't think I'm that strong.....

is that a bad thing?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

FamilyMatters,

It's not a good thing or a bad thing. It is your choice as to what you want to do and how long you want to hold on...
You're the only one who has to face your choices in life. No one else.

Sorry for the hijack, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
we now return you to your regularly scheduled thread..

Have you read "Surviving An Afair"?

I'm in plan B for a few weeks now. It's killing me. I just want to call and tell her I love her.

Interesting thought - We had spent some time in what I thought was the start of recovery, then WS's withdrawal made her run back to OM. During plan B, might the WS feel this same sort of withdrawal from us, the BS's. I think that's what brought her back to me the first time, though I am scared that now she has really made up her mind and is never coming back. Feedback from friends is that WS plans on marrying OM. Plan B is so hard, outta sight outta mind is what worries me. But I think I didn't have any other choice. WS wasn't contacting me anyway.

Hang in there peeps! No dating, even though we long to be loved...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by joe c.:
<strong> I'm in plan B for a few weeks now. It's killing me. I just want to call and tell her I love her.

Interesting thought - We had spent some time in what I thought was the start of recovery, then WS's withdrawal made her run back to OM. During plan B, might the WS feel this same sort of withdrawal from us, the BS's. I think that's what brought her back to me the first time, though I am scared that now she has really made up her mind and is never coming back. Feedback from friends is that WS plans on marrying OM. Plan B is so hard, outta sight outta mind is what worries me. But I think I didn't have any other choice. WS wasn't contacting me anyway.

Hang in there peeps! No dating, even though we long to be loved... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Joe I stories are SOOO similar, after I get my son off to school I'm going to do some meditating and spirtiual searching. Start another thread on this issue if you don't mind. I can offer you much support and let you know just how similar our turmoil is. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Quartz,
She wants you to date so she can feel less guilt about the A. Please do not be sucked into this way of thinking. You will only create a vicious cycle, unless of course you want an open M. Do not I repeat do not listen to this fogtalk, IMVHO you dating another will only aid to demise of your M.

How are things now?

hi joec.....yes, "out of sight, out of mind" that worries me big time in plan b.

Four or five months of this, i am scared my WH will have lost any of his love for me, instead of the other way around. Im only 4 weeks into plan b.

Thanks for listening