Ok, so my cheating H is atleast starting to be more cordial with me but has admitted to actively dating other woman which really hurts. I think it is just a matter of time before he serves up the Divorce papers....help! He told me..."I have stated SEVERAL times before, I've already given this a lot of thought and made my decision. I know this is hard, which is why we have been taking it very slow."

I didn't know about A/B plans and still am waiting to get some books off the site to read...trying to understand why my once caring H has transformed into this monster of a person so suddenly! I spent a month writing heartfelt letters of love, support, and basically trying to communicate to him (perhaps this was wrong but I was so shocked by the news and didn't know how to respond). I have told him that I will forgive him so long as he communicates to me what his triggers were this past year so that we can attempt to work things out as a couple. I also suggested that professional help be sought out for his insecurities/issues as well as means to help build our marriage. He ignored every deep message I sent...just lashing back at me in an angry fashion. I tried ignoring him for awhile, living my own life, focusing on positive, but the other day, I just had to know where his head was. What does he tell me? He tells me that he has been out with two different woman, one of which he met on the beach during his layoff from work. I got all nauseous again picturing him being intimate with another woman, bawled for several hours, and spent the next 48 hours as an emotional zombie. Now, I am so adament about avoiding all contact/conversation with him...what I don't hear or see, I don't know about. His mom says that he needs to get a taste of life without the love and support I have provided him and encourages me to completely ignore him like he has basically done to me these past few months...easier said than done but do you think this is what I need to do in order to help our marriage? Is this what Plan A entails?

I am just dreading divorce papers showing up on my doorstep. I will be devastated. I don't think he is thinking this far yet...I believe he is in the "fog", not realizing what the heck he is doing. He wants to drive me away so he can avoid confronting all of his immature actions of this past year, especially these past few months. He has been lying a lot lately so I am wondering if he is making up his dating life as means to drive me further away.

I am also confused. I love the man I married so much but this new man that I see is so destructive and mean...has cheated on me, lied to me, been verbally abusive to me, acted all arrogant and cocky (trying to boost his ego), and now he seems to be actively pursuing other woman. I don't want this in my life. I can't let him bring me down to his depressed state of living. He has told me that I am the same woman he fell in love with...but that he has changed...well, obviously because I wouldn't have given any man with these qualities a moment of my time.

He tells me that he will always love me but cannot be with me...I deserve better, he says. He has had some major ego crushing events of this past year...having to do with desperately trying to become a firefighter (has been rejected several times by different academies). It probably doesn't help that my business has skyrocketed and my athletic career has blossomed...I think he became somewhat jealous even though he is a damn good athlete himself and also is successful with everything he puts his heart into. Some believe that he is threatened by my strong presence...that he needs to feel like he is the provider in the relationship. Again, I am confused because I am not going to reverse my success in career and athletics to help boost his ego....this would be me letting him bring me down. Isn't a husband supposed to support these visions/dreams of mine? Afterall, I have been by him encouraging and giving him praise for all his work as he strived to become a firefighter!

One interesting thing he has done is quit the job where the original 4-month affair occured. He just started on Wednesday and e-mailed me saying that he was putting me on his insurance plan. Couldn't this mean that he may still see me in his future? It would have been easy for him to say...you need to go get your own health insurance. Perhaps, though, he just feels bad for me...after all, he has caused me more pain than I have ever experienced in my whole life? Earlier in the week, he wanted to talk about splitting up our furniture since he just signed a year long lease in his own apartment. This sign signals to me that he doesn't have intentions of us being together.

Sorry about this whole saga story..there are so many on this site! I guess I just need some feedback...am I hoping for something that is hopeless? Am I right to be ignoring him right now, living my own life? Many think that he just needs to be curious as to what I am up to. Others have told me (who have watched everything go down) that I should start to open up the possibility of looking at other men in another "light" now. I am not ready for anything serious but going out on a date seems a lot nicer than sitting at home crying at night! What is the best approach to this emotional state of hell that I am?

Thanks ( :

Hoping for my first love to come home with a new attitude...

ME: 28 yo faithful wife
Him: 30 yo cheating H...been separated now for 3 months.