WW wants a separation. I want a plan b with her out and the kids with me. She wants me out and the kids to stay. she wants the kids so that her family dosent think ill of her and so that it is a source of money. She says she has stopped the A but i know it continues.

for the sake of the kids , should i leave?
should i file a court order for her to leave?

please help with any suggestions or comments.....

You should stay, and she should leave. But getting her to go may be difficult.

Have you tried Plan A?

Trying it now but she denies A and refuses counseling. She even try to get my doctor to make me stop with the a-d medication.

She says im not acting right. Shes right...im not fighting with her and letting her push me into stupid argumnets.

Our arguments justify her cheating in her mind...

What is the "reasonable period of time" for Plan A. my Dorrmat is wearing thin and im starving for some affection (not sex) something....anything....when does anyone care about me and what i feel.

Plan A for men is suggested to last 6 months.

She says you are not acting right? HaHa, that's a good one.

It is miserable when you first start Plan A'ing, but does get better. And they all deny they are having an affair. Spooky.

Just a Husband:

You're back for round 2, and from what I can tell, you haven't bothered to get a professional marriage counselor involved. As bad as dealing with an affair is---recovery is often harder. Without a plan and professional help, people often fail.

It's time for you to get a pro. I'd suggest either the Harley's by phone counseling (888-639-1639 for appointments), or Penny Tupy (a MB trained coach specializing in infidelity) at SYMC. This is the most important thing you can do for your marriage right now, and I would suggest that you do it before you make any moves to Plan B.

From the scenario you paint, it will be very difficult for you to force your wife to leave. Petitioning the court will likely get you out of the house. The suggestion of throwing her stuff on the lawn and changing the locks might land you in jail in some municipalities. You need the advice of a good family lawyer to explore your options. Several years ago, I was in a similar position---and I left my house and left the wife and kids behind (and the house paid for---I was the sole bread-winner). Although less than ideal, it was still a very effective plan B. The kids blamed my wife for me leaving (although they knew nothing about the affair). If your wife is not used to taking care of the house by herself---she'll find that an added source of pressure.

Plan A has an element that you may be missing: exposure of the affair. You need to collect as much evidence as you can, and then it should be presented to her family, the OM's family, and her friends and coworkers. If you work with one of the counselors above, they'll help you formulate a plan that will put these pieces in place, effectively.

"when does anyone care about me and what i feel."

Well, I know it isn't enough, but we care, right here at MB.

Your wife may not care for sometime...outwardly. But in my heart I believe every WS acts like they don't care, because to admit to themselves that they DO care would be in defiance of their selfish actions. They could not continue if they stopped to take breath and think about their behaviours. They could not cope if they admitted the fault was theirs, not ours, the BS.

Hang tight, and keep on Plan A'ing. She is still in the house and so are you. She can't force you to leave, and you can't force her to. If you can do a flawless Plan A, there may not be any need for anyone to go.

Wishing you luck,

Jacky

<small>[ August 21, 2004, 09:22 AM: Message edited by: Nina too ]</small>

Thank you all for the advice.

We do have a MC (the same as in round 1). I started going back to him last week. She wont go. I am also seeking legal advice this week.

I think the collection of eveidence is key as well.

i dont know how much of the doormat i can take i started to crack yesterday....

Me and my wife have been seperated for a month, whatever you do dont leave the house, whatever you do dont lay a hand on her, whatever you do get proof of what she is doing and keep living your life for yourself and your kids. What you are doing is going to be one of the toughest things you can go through, but there is a reason for everything even when we cant see it. Hang tough were here.

God BLess