It has been several months since I visited MB. Momto, I remember you. We talked several times. Sorry to hear how things are going for u.
Anyway, I was a former WH. I had an A that lasted several months. I ended the A with the OW and began working on my marriage. My W and I agreed to change our habits and change some things to make each other happy. I had No contact with the OW for 5 months. A few weeks ago the OW called me when I was out with some friends. This call happened to come at time when things were not going so good with my W and I. The OW started talking as "friends" and eventuallly started talking more frequently. This obviously has not helped things for me in alot of ways. During the 5 months I gave everything I has to try and make things work. I Love my wife sooo much. I had found myself buying toys (IE; Car) to help keep myself busy. I recently spoke with a friend of mine that went through a similar situation I did and am going through. His situation is identical except that he and his wife had a 4y/o child. Anyway, his marriage ended in divorce and he is now happy as is his ex-wife.

By most post-affair standards, it takes most marriages a minimum 2 years with BOTH partner's 100% effort to fully recover from an affair.

Once you allow the OW to weasle her way back into your head by entertaining "friendly" conversations with OW (someone willing to destroy your wife's heart )... you have set the recovery timer back to zero ... and perhaps into the negative number due to more lying.

Does your wife know about the resumed contact?

If you want to save intimacy in your marriage, you must be completely honest and confess this relapse of weakness on your part.

If you need a new car or other toys to distract you from the realities of your marriage issues, you are avoiding recovery on yet another road of avoidence.

What does your marriage counselor say about this renewed contact?
Pep

Pep