Get ready for the call that she is "pregnant".... Lot's of OW pull this one when they feel they are losing MM to his wife and family.

And I do not believe that you used condoms with spermicide 100% of the time.... did you?

Pep

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by TRYNHARD:
<strong> Should I call her and tell her not to contact me. If I don't, am I being a coward. Is it unfair of me. She obviously expected me to call or be with her. I know some are losing patience, but I am just being sincere with you all, whether my thoughts and feelings are right or wrong. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">NO

you do NOT call her again EVER unless your wife is sitting next to you dialing the phone.

Change your phone number, your internet ID ... everything.

NO CONTACT ... means NONE!

STOP and think ... do you want to be married or not?

Call for therapy on this site.

You are headed for a breakdown and you need professional help.

Pep

Pepperband, I did. I would be shocked if received the "I'm Pregant" call. As I said, I'm trying to be honest, whether my statements are right or wrong.

tryin hard..

THIS is exactly where the WS's rubber meets the road....

She also allowed me to be around a couple of her family members a few times.

She also let me be around her son.

wrong answer...
so wrong

SHE did none of these things
YOU put yourself there...
YOU stand responsible
YOU are accountable.......
YOU...

teenagers say things like

I was with my friends and they let be around beer

YOU made the choice to be there
YOU made the choice to stay

OWN IT
APOLOGIZE for your actions
but please own them...
drop she did this or that totally from your vocabulary...

"I made really bad choices, and I spent time with various family members of hers including her son" ...no one forced me to do those things I alone did them"

VS

She also allowed me to be around a couple of her family members a few times.

Can you see the difference.....

can you SEE it....

ark

No you should not call OW. You should write her a NC letter - Dear Gold Digger - I love my wife and am working on my marriage. Do not contact me for any reason. Then change your phone number.

I would not make the call unless my W is sitting next to me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by TRYNHARD:
<strong> Should I call her and tell her not to contact me. If I don't, am I being a coward. Is it unfair of me. She obviously expected me to call or be with her. I know some are losing patience, but I am just being sincere with you all, whether my thoughts and feelings are right or wrong. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No. You don't call her. It's UNFAIR TO YOUR WIFE if you do! Ever thought about that? You're a coward to keep talking to her, and to keep being sucked into this sordid A.

Write a NC letter. No more personal (phone) contact that will the risk of her saying something that will make you feel guilty or responsible towards her and make this whole rollercoaster start again.

Set OW free, if you want her to be happy. Stay out of her life if you want her child to be happy. And take the warning about OW trying to get pregnant next VERY SERIOUSLY.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by TRYNHARD:
<strong> Should I call her and tell her not to contact me. If I don't, am I being a coward. Is it unfair of me. She obviously expected me to call or be with her. I know some are losing patience, but I am just being sincere with you all, whether my thoughts and feelings are right or wrong. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You know, if you have a wife that will accept you back, I wouldn't even be talking about contacting OW EVER AGAIN. Send her a no contact letter TODAY, written with the help of your W. Let your W send it. That is the least you can do.

some appropriate letter examples:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=018918

This is my H's posting - please help him! His fog is so thick and I don't want to lose him!

I love him!!! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Tryn...

You have posted that you need to call this woman in order to tell her not to contact you any further. Your position is that to merely send a letter would be the act of a coward.

The method of no contact via letter with zero contact is a time tested and extremely successfull means of breaking away from an affair. It is in no way cowardly. What is cowardly is to waffle when you are faced with making a definitive decision. It is all well and good to say that you value your marriage and wish to end this affair..but what are your actions saying? They are saying that what you would truly like is to have both women and no consequences. You do not want to so offend the OW as to no longer have her as an option...you do not want to take a clear position with your wife. You are neither willing to commit to her, nor free her. Does this seem fair and reasonable to you?

It is late enough that I have read your wifes thread..so I already know that despite having been told by..oh.. everyone that a phone call was absolutely inappropriate...you did it anyway. I also know that this became a dialogue in which the OW had yet more opportunity to make promises to you and plead and beg, etc. So now that your method has failed utterly...I present the question again...are you committing to your wife, or are you committing to your lover..what say you?

There is no room for consideration of the OWs feelings in your marriage. You have no problem being cruel to your wife in order to avoid being impolite to your lover..guess what? Where your treasure is..there your heart will be also. Want to put money on where I'd say your treasure was right now? And yet you say that you value your marriage. Your actions are duplicitous.

Dear Try,
I picked up your comments from......"sexless marriage" and went back to better understand some of the remarks that followed.
I don't intend to, nor will I judge you, but I would like to give you a few thoughts that might strike a chord for you and your wife.
I am so sorry you are both suffering, and I truly believe there is likely suffering going on for both of you. None of us are perfect, we all make awful mistakes and others suffer for them. We suffer for them. Sometimes it is very difficult to find your way back with so much water under the bridge. But it can be done.
From your wife's post, it sounds as though she really loves you and wants the marriage to survive. Do you ? The issues around your wife's weight problems seem superficial, but I understand that appearance can be a problem for some folk. Perhaps, from a self esteem point of view losing some weight might do good things for your wife temporarily, but the roots of the problem may go much deeper. How well does she regard herself generally ? How well do you re-inforce her desireability ? Did you fall in love only with her physical self or were there many other reasons that you loved her?
Although physical attractiveness is a "nice to have" feature, is it only reason you love your wife? The transient excitement and sexual high that goes with an affair will pass in time....then what ? The years and energy that you have put in together with your wife should count for something, unless you have really decided to throw in the towel. Each day, each moment that you delay taking that ABSOLUTE stand against the OW, detroys you W's ability/willingness to forgive and try again. How deep a debt do you want to run up ??? You run the risk of her emotional bankruptcy. Then what ? Is that really what you want? Considering the line of work you are in you know how people's spirits can be broken, how they can eventually just give up, how they can lose their way and never return. It could be, that both of you are at a junction point in your lives and you are going to have to weigh out your choices, make hard and clear decisions. I would like to make a bet that if the root issues are dealt with you would chose each other. I urge you to do some serious damage control, before it's just too late. Wishing you peace, WA

Warm Ashes, Thank You for your heart felt post. I'm just in a very confused state right now and trying to make sense of everything.

Dear Try,
Glad to hear back from you and you are most welcome ! I am having a bit of technical trouble logging in and out here (some sort of glitzch, I guess) so bear with me if it takes longer than usual to respond.
I understand you are confused and torn and probably experiencing all kinds of difficult emotions. It is a challenge to think clearly in such a state and you are wise to recognize it.
I have no profound wisdom to offer you, only a willingness to listen and try to understand and support you at this difficult time.
Perhaps, consider the people that love you, those that are entrenched in your life. Those to whom you'd give one kidney, or who would give one of their kidneys to you. These are the people that matter at the end of the day, these are the people that make YOUR life worthwhile, the ones that love you for who you are with all your warts and weaknesses.The people that bring out the very best in you.
These are the people that you can never replace. Just make sure you know who they are !
Wishing you peace, WA