To all you MB ..

Its not easy putting back a marraige from devestational events.
As I look at my own it was easy in the begining to blame and point fingers about what he was doing and not doing and sometimes point it at me because of my lack of self esteem and trust in other human beings on the whole. I have known my husband all my life (complicated or really long story) however we married young and I was a mess. I still owuld of been a mess 5 years later so.. does it really matter we married young?? Dont think so, in fact I think we would of made it better if we had married at Thirteen.. But hey whoes counting.

In the long run I see the futility in our efforts at trying to fix what was broken with out the correct tools and instructions for our selves as well as another person.

Now I come to realize I can recall alot of things he did.. however i see parts of me not helping any and even causing some of the behaviors he went to. So in my case esp it becomes the question of which came first the chicken or the Egg? its really hard to sort it out. We all come in to relationships.. with baggage we need to sort thru and toss or work out. Some are more able to faster and easier than others. The reason I was drwn to this site came frommy own experience a long time ago in Marraige Counseling when in one sessions I was attacked by the counselor about my behaviors in the first setting. Now I am not saying she was wrong as I look back over the years.. I see she was right, however that first setting with her she should of gotten to know us first and let us become comfortable with her. That sat me and spouse up for more problems.

If you really want to save your marraige..then its worth saving ..if it was quick and easy then it would not be worth it and you would not care for it as much.. nor respect it as much..

Linda

Thanks so much for sharing this - I am there - it is WORTH having. For me - there is nothing I would rather have. And it is hard! There is no doubt about it.

It took us years to get to this point - and it will take a long time to work it out. So right now - I look at the very small positives. And try not to let the negatives get me down.


I have found some peace and strength in me. And some understanding of what has happenend and why. And the hardest thing is to share that understanding going forward. I know what I have done wrong - but can I cahnge the outcome? My husband reminded me that it is never too late -

So it is one day at a time - the longest and loneliest days of my life.