PLease allow me to ask a question. In your experiences with confronting WS and OM/OW was there ever any events that lead to a physical altercation? I am interested in your experiences as it seems that everyone is so rational and has never let this happen where as myself I want to explode with physical rage against the OM AGAIN and AGAIN. Please tell me your experiences. Am I the only one?

lemonman:

In terms of the confrontations, I can probably remember about a dozen here over the last six years that turned mildly violent. You're certainly not the first one who would want to rip an OP to pieces. However, if you can't control this feeling, you're definitely not one who should do a confrontation face-to-face. Getting thrown in jail isn't an alternative worth exploring.

My daughters dad was running around with a married woman, & her husband ended up breaking his jaw. My X spent many months with his jaw wired shut and many trips to ER for infections in that jaw.

The OW's H, did jail time and spent alot of money in legal fees and medical bills. His wife divorced him.

The only good thing that came out of it was that my daughters dad settled down, married a beautiful woman and is now a great Dad. He learned a hard lesson, but the man who broke his jaw, lost his wife & more.

Get a punching bag instead, my friend.

Dear Lemonman,

I guess all of us have dealt with intense feelings of anger when confronted with an A. I know I have.

My guess is that this is a primitive reaction we have to someone invading our "territory". We react instinctively with fighting (or fleeing). We want to drive the intruder out.

As we are human beings we can find alternatives to channel this anger. A good work out perhaps? And of course, the no contact rule. Keeping the intruder out of our territory permanently. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Also, 99% of the time you'll find - if you bother to look closely - that the OM or the OW are not horrible persons. They just did dumb things, thinking they "loved" the other person. They didn't intend to hurt others (unless they're psychopats <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ). Some will recognise they were wrong, others will find it easier to blame their M, their upbringing, their whatever for their actions.

Some are predators that have a incessant craving to "conquer", preferably more difficult preys like married women. They do know the hurt they might cause, also to the woman involved, but they just don't care. OK some of those would deserve a good kick in the butt. But that will probably not change their ways, they'll just think you're some kind of agressive nut, so it's not worth going to jail over. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Do positive physical things to get the adrenaline out of your system my dear. It helps, I know, and you'll feel better about yourself too as you get fitter and better looking <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

lemonman...

I'm gonna out myself here. Despite the fact that I have never in my life raised my hand to another human being...and I value my lofty position of being in some way *above* that sort of behavior <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . Yet... I hate this woman with the fire of a thousand suns and there is no way that I could either predict or guarantee control over my reaction should we ever meet. I could very well be on the wrong end [is there a right end?] of an assault and battery charge if they pulled me off her in time to save it from being murder 1 <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> . So I bend my efforts toward making certain that we never, ever meet. Not everyone has that luxury. I might have to require more of myself if I did not.

So, yes..we are all reasonable people in a reasonable forum..toss us out into the jungle and watch the lord of the flies effect come to play. The anger is real..the physical drive is real. We all feel it..we choose not to act on it because ultimately it does not benefit us.

Dear Noodle (sorry for the Threadjack Lemonman, but it might have some benefit for you 2 <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> )

I guess it's exactly because you don't (or hardly) know this woman that you can be 100% angry at her.

The OW in my case was my best friend so I did know her very well.. and felt like she put a knife in my back instead of "watching it". But I forgave her and I'm not angry at her anymore. As long as she stays away from my H that is <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> .

There's a lot to be said for NC !

lemonman

oh yeah do I know how you feel!.

I have spent this afternon down at the pistol club with the OMs face on the target, in my mind that is, best damn score I have made in 2 years!!!

If his wife had not taken him to another state would I have confronted him? Dont know, I feel like I would have.
Would I have hurt him? I would have liked to try with a cricket bat or basball bat.

So maybe its better for everyone that he is not available.

I want to and could beat the living sh1t out of OM. In fact its a regular fantasy of mine.... * sigh *

However that would do nothing positive towards rescuing my M, in fact it would only engender sympathy for the OM reptile in my WW.

I spent enough my of youth hitting people, I have spent most of my adult life negotiating instead. It is much better as if you are good at it you still get what you want but don't need to spend a night in police cells....

Don't hit people who are not a physical threat to you.Be confident.

Bob Pure...

You said it right - don't hit someone who is not a physical threat to you.

The best part - "Be confident".

Lemonman, I have never known such anger toward another human being as I feel toward OW. If I ever saw her I would like to......(imagination goes wild here)!!!!

But I won't. I'm cool, I'm confident.

Sometimes I actually feel sorry for her. She has to sneak around to see WH; knows that he is married to me; she has to wait for the crumbs of time that he has given her over the past three years. I'd like to give her a crumb!

There are also times I would like to reach out and slap the crap out of WH...

But I won't.

I think everyone here has probably entertained these types of thoughts and feelings. It's just best not to act on them.

Besides, it's illegal.

You guys crack me up! We all have a psycho connection --- I mean psychic!

K

psycho connection k?????????

no idea what you mean.

I'm just sitting here honing my skinning knife, slick slick sound of the edge against the sharpening stone,,insane laughter ...LOL

"sigh' no not really

just reading my case files for tomorrows interviews. having a break every now & then to read the board ...........and avoid the wife.

Crumbs k?? would that be 'crumbed OW'....heat oil to 3000 degrees and place gently in...... lol

You know....the OP quandry just never loses it's quirky bit of sadistic fun.

What I would really like? Is for the OW to look deeply into my eyes and realize..how very fortunate indeed it is for her..that I do not apply the same amoral standards to my life that she does to hers..because if I did..I would kill her just to amuse myself. I wouldn't want to live in a society where that was acceptable behavior...I personally feel that there is a moral imperative that we not behave that way...unfortunately those who do not literally rely on those that do.. not to apply the same logic of self satisfaction ..in order to be able to live as they do. It would be nice if for one shining moment..one of them got to realize that.

Hi Lemonman,

I've put off commenting on this thread for two days, but feel inexorably drawn back...

You ask..."In your experiences with confronting WS and OM/OW was there ever any events that lead to a physical altercation?" ...an intriguing question!

Having spent 2 days locked in a bedroom (really helps to have great friends - two of which happen to be cops), to prevent my "confronting" current OM, I can tell you that the urge for retribution that many BS's feel is real (and in my case QUITE strong). Would I actually have followed through (if not intercepted by my friends)? I saddens me to admit that I probably would have. After two tours in VietNam, I'll confess publicly that I've sent others to their maker for far less!

Aussie2 - My friends are now in possession of my guns, so no pistol practice for a while! Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on one's perspective), they are unnecessary...I'm more of a "hands on" type. I wanna look 'em in the eye as they draw their last breath.

Yes, I can hear the collective "oh my" from the group. Be that as it may, I'm done being the brunt of the joke! Penny Tupy calls Conflict Avoidance a disease analogous to cancer in a marriage. And so it is (I believe) to the human spirit! Their comes a point where 'enough is enough". I'm there!

As believer so eloquently put it..."Women don't like a weak man. Time for you to stand up for yourself."

My Saga