i finally caught him. tracked down undeniable proof once and for all. caught a message on his cell and recognized the voice, a friend of his mother. she said hey i know your with my girl natalie give me a call back, and let me know whats up.i know natalie. she is their cousin. i called carol and said carol, whats up between n and natalie? please tell me this isnt right, i've always been a faithful wife please tell me whats going on? she said let me ask you a question, how long has he been living with you? i said he moved out on wednesday. she said oh my god he's really been living with you all this time? she just kept saying oh my god. i said please tell me , she said i cant tell you something like that. i said how long has this been going on? she said how long has he been acting funny? where you think he stays when he doesnt come home? she said let me make a phone call you'll get him back. i ssaid i dont want him back, i can never trust him again. i called him up and said i know who your seeing now i said your seeing carols cousin youve been seeing her for months and thats where you saty when you dont come home, he said where did you get that one? i said from the horses mouth. he said well you know what? thats what you get for being nosy. i said how can you do this? how could you look me in my face and lie to me, how can you swear on our daughter that you werent having an affair? he said i drove him to it by stalking him. then he said he'd call me back later. so then i threw what he left here out the door and poured paint on his clothes had his cell phone shut down and ripped up our pictures. he called me from another number and said why did you shut down my phone, i said you have the nerve to ask i was sobbing hysterically,i said you know how i said i could never sleep with someone else? well im gonna force myself to. he said babe you would never do that you love me too much. i said dont you ever call me babe again, my name is michelle! he said well michelle. i said watch me. he said ill be right there. i said no!!! dont you ever come anywhere near me again, i hate you. you ****ing [censored]. he said ill call you back, i said dont you call me ever again until you are ready to tell this ***** in front of me that you choose your wife and family. and i hung up. i want to die right now. i knew this was happening but i had to know. please is someone out there? please.

I am sooo sorry...I know it is so hard I have been there. Am not an expert on the MB plans by any means. Have you read the Surviving an Affair book yet? hang in there girl it is hard and we are here to help.

Shelly,

I'm so sorry that you are hurting so right now.... I know how horrible it is to actually learn the truth, but now at least you know, and your imagination isn't working overtime to try and figure out what's going on.

Please call someone, a good friend, somebody you can get support from... I too had suicidal thoughts and feelings when I found out about my W's first A... Believe me, this isn't worth hurting yourself over.

I'm praying for you and your H... Please let us know how you're doing...

Semper Fi,
RIF90

im kinda numb, i just took two tranquilizers. god, how could he? i just dont onderstand. everything is a lie. everything he said is a lie. its one thing to suspect but to get slapped in the face with it is another thing. and for him to blame me for it? its my fault im hurt for being nosy. someone talk to me please.

Don't listen to him blaming you for it. They all do that. They are just trying to push all the guilt they have off on us. Get ear plugs!It is hard. I agree call a good friend or family member to stay the night. It is been 6mth since my H left and my sister is spending the night tonight because I still am lonely. You really need a good support system.

Shelly,

Your H is in "selfish" mode... He's fogg'd up... Your finding out is NOT your fault... the fault lies with your H.

Please give someone a call and talk with them... I know the pain is almost unbearable, but you will survive this.

im all right. dont know if its thr tranqs the alcohol, or the fact that i knew it anyway, and burst his bubble.

Shelly,

Your H is babbling. He needs to blame someone for his stupidity and you were a convenient choice. Very typical for a WS to blame the BS and family.

Right, you forced him to have an A. Wow, with that much power, you think you can force him to stop having the A? Howz about forcing him to get help for himself.?

If he says you can't force him to stop the A or get help, then you tell him to reneg on the blame piece. He needs to find another sucker to blame the A on, then maybe that person will have the power to stop the A and make the WS get help.

See how you can reverse babble it back into his lap?

Now, go do something valuable with your life. Don't throw your life away for some WS. It isn't worth it. They won't appreciate how deeply you are hurt and you will have blown your last chance. So don't go down that route, ok?

L.

Shelly,
I can co-sign on how you feel and also on how the WS love to blame you for their situation. BLAH BLAH BLAH...when he's talking just imagine its the voice of one of the teachers from Charlie Brown, because that's how much sense he's going to make.. NONE!

My W blames me for contacting OM. Silly me, I was dumb enough to think he was pursuing my W! Little did I know she was pursuing him and lying to him about even living with me...She kept this lie up to OM and his parents for over a year. Dont sweat it girlfriend. If it were up to our spouses they could have their cake and eat it too forever. You needed to know the truth...the next thing he'll probably say is he didn't tell you because he didnt want to HURT YOU! Bull CRAP he probabl knew you'd DUMP him or KICK HIM OUT if you knew.

Take a deep breath. Realize there is no EXCUSE for what he did. Realize he is fogged. Realize you finding out puts him in more stress than a Deer staring into HEADLIGHTS. Realize you are going to be just fine regardless. It gets easier, at least now you know the deal and you won't drive yourself crazy thinking your paranoid over nothing.

Hang in there.

yes your right. unfortunately i went out lookiing for him and didnt find him. on my way home i seen his truck on the expressway. i got behind it and followed him to our house. then i rammed him with my car. i think i went temporarily insane because he took off down the street and i kept ramming him. stupid out of control me. this went on for about 8 blocks. before i honked and told him to pull over. he said ill pull over by the house and i followed him there. when we got in back by the garage, i was in my car and told him to get out, he refused and said i was acting crazy, a lot of this went back and forth finally he turned off the truck and i went over to him. i said well what do you got to say? he said what do you want me to say? you drove me crazy. we didnt accomplish much, i asked him do you think shes prettier than me? he said no. is she better in bed? he said hell no. i said then what is it? he says i pushed him to do it. i said you have a choice. your ***** or your family. i will not accept anOW in my life. i said are you happy now? he said no one makes me happy but you. i said well when are you gonna end it? he said soon. i said if you expect me to sit around and put my life on hold while you play with the homewrecker i wont do it.i said what do you want to do? he said give me some time to get my head straight and ill be back. i just walked away. please dont be to hard on me for ramming his car. something inside me just snapped. i dont know what to do now. how should i handle this? im so confused.

Shellyyyyyyy

I know exactly how you feel. You need to call a therpaist or a Dr. and get some anti-depresants. I am on Xanax right now. stop drinking. stop using the car as a battering ram...he can file criminal charges against you and that will make keeping your daughter more difficult.

My wife is doing the same as your h. He is not thinking clearly....hes not even thinking.

keep in mind tha tyou have to take care of yourself first then you can take care of others (your daughter and family).

stop asking about the OW...is she better than me?.....its not about that. your the better person here.

my wife says i made her go to someone else. ITs all me and nothing is her. Its her way to justify her actions to herself.

Read the posts and articles.

keep posting.

I have to think you already know you need help.

You yell, and cuss, and pour paint on his clothes!
You honked and honked, and ran into his truck! SEVERAL times!!!!

I would not want to come back to a person like this, and would have to think he could and should take the kids from a lunatic like this.

You need to control your behavior like the way it is conseled here.

Shelly,

Glad to hear that you're doing better...

Wow, your actions were a bit "out there"... but I can understand your reaction.

BTW, I don't think you're a lunitic and your actions have no bearing whatsoever on the custody of your dear children.

Oh...Trg1, are you a WS or a BS???

Semper Fi,
RIF90

neither, and I still can not condone or understand that behavior of ramming another occupied and moving vehicle on a public street or even private property.

i dont care. who wants him back after all his lies anyway? him and his tramp can have each other. i feel much better.im the lunatic? this man threatened to kill me and blow up my car because he thought i was going to leave him for good. no more car ramming. shouldnt have done it but seen red. it hurts unbearably that this has been going on all this time. i dont think i want him back. i've never been so absolutely destroyed.

Thanks for the info Trg1... BTW, I don't believe that it's appropriate to ram another vehicle either...

Shelly, How are you doing? Please try to find a counselor on Monday... You are dealing with some very serious issues right now and you need some professionals to advise and guide you...

Wishing you the best...

Semper Fi,
RIF90

I am sorry, I did not know he also has acted so irrationally. I am sorry.

Something that catches my eye and ear is people saying 'My life is pathetic' and 'I want to die'.
A year or two ago my wife went through a phase where she said her life was pathetic a couple times .... and even though we were both living in the same situation and going through the same things I considered myself blessed and gave thanks for being so blessed every Sunday. We are healthy, have beautful healthy kids, don't live in bad country or in squalor and can put food on the table. Yeah, there was a rough spot, but other than that there is far more to give thanks to God for.

There are so many things that could be far worse.

its all right. i wish my life was as good as yours, all i ever wanted was to be truly happy, with my spouse and my child but i dont think ill ever be able to now. i cant understand how he could do such a thing. how can i ever forgive him? is it possible? like i said i know i was wrong to do such a crazy thing, but i've never in my life had such a empty feeling. im just going to hope some guidance comes to me, and this feeling of emptiness leaves me.i dont think ill be able to forget this.i think my marriage is over.

Shelly, do you realize you are probably going to run him off by acting like this? And when you run him off, you will be pushing him right into the homewrecker's arms.

Do you want to help her or do you want to help YOU?

Hi Shelly,

Your situation is harder right now, but the VALUE of your life never changes... You are just as VALUABLE as everyone else here.

Please look for a counselor tomorrow... Dealing with an A is hard. Trying to do it without a trained counselor is even harder.

It's hard to accept the fact that someone so close to us could possibly hurt us so badly... but they can. We can do the same things to our spouses if we choose to. I know that you don't see much hope right now, but I can assure you, with good individual counseling, and MC, you CAN rebuild your M.

I had the exact same feelings that you had when I first learned that my W strayed... You need a professional counselor to guide you through your feelings and help keep you on the right track as you deal with this...

I'm praying for you and your H...

Semper Fi,
RIF90