Well, my parents just left this morning. It was great having them here for the weekend. We laughed and enjoyed ourselves.
I once again feel alone and abandoned. I've had a headache for 3 weeks and am starting to get sick to my stomach again. Does this ever end? I feel really depressed this morning. I just can't see going through life so lonely all the time. Thank God for my precious son.
I'm trying so hard to hold back the tears right now. I know if I start I won't stop.
I miss my life!!!!!!!!!!
Please somebody out there help me lift my spirits today. I just feel like dying right now.
I feel so alone and so unwanted. I guess I'm having a little break down right now.

Dearest TR, your life never went away !

It just changed. A lying part of it left without notice for a while.

I am too new to this to offer any advice really, just know I am thinking off you and praying you strength.

Thank you Bob!
I just don't know how I am going to get through this! I just want my life back and want my family back! It's so hard! I feel defeated!

TR, it DOES sound like you are having a breakdown right now! That sucks. You have just gotten off an emotional ride, though. You just had your parents there, and it sounds like they are great people, probably a wonderful support for you. And now you are left alone in the quiet again. Give youself a break! It is OK to be upset. Even if your WS was home, you would probably be emotional right now. It is just amplified.

Hmmmmm, now to the lifting up part. If you are Christian, I can remind you that God never gives you anything you cannot handle. That He has a Divine Plan for your life. Have you seeked solace in prayer? I literally SLEPT with my Bible in H's spot during our separation. And when I would wake up in the middle of the night, I would place my hand on the Bible, and usually find comfort and fall back asleep.

Sometimes, however, I would get up and come post here. Suzet* is from South Africa, so she is usually here at 3 am my time. One morning I was up, looking for comfort, and she posted some wonderful prayers to me. One that I remember is about how it is "in the valleys we grow." If we were always on the "peak," and were always having things go our way, we would never know we were there! After being in a valley for a while, a peak seems so much higher, so much more wonderful, because you have something to contrast your experience with. And in the valleys, you are challenged as a person, and you must grow to make that hike to the peak.

Anyway, it was much more wonderful in its original form. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> But hopefully you get the jist.

It is also amazing the power a bit of personal pampering can have on a woman. I say shave your legs, lotion everything - TWICE. Paint the toenails, file and paint the fingernails. Do an oil treatment on your hair, a mask treatment on your face. Maybe some aromatherapy. If you have access to any essential oils, Lavendar works well for headaches. You just dab some behind your ears, rub on your temples, and relaxation and peace are not far away.

I'm not too familiar with your story, as it is hard to read all of them. BUT, I saw your post and wanted you to know someone was up, someone read it, and someone is thinking about you and praying for you.

Take care, hon. You are more than you know, and as long as you have yourself and the Lord, you are complete. You are not lacking. You have everything you NEED. Maybe not what you want, but you have everything you NEED. And a child, too! Go to the park, tickle-torture on your living room floor (the laughter of children heals the heart and soul), go on a bike ride, snuggle on the couch and read. YOU have the ACE in the hole - your child!

SS

Thank you SpiderSlayer. The prayer did make me feel better. I know God is there and only gives me what I can handle. Sometimes I just wonder "why me?". I just don't know why I have to go thorugh such pain. I loved my life and thought that I would grow old with my H and live happily ever after. It's so hard to believe that he could put me through so much hurt and my son through all of this.
I like the idea of sleeping with the bible. I think that would help me also.
I guess I need to find something to do today to keep my mind occupied.

The worst thing you can do right now is hold back the tears when they want to flow.

I know you feel like you'll never stop... but tears do eventually run dry.

You're feeling abandoned -- please don't abandon that feeling! Heaping abandonment on top of abandonment is not going to help it any at all.

So. Take the time to really listen to how you're feeling. All the hurt, all the pain, all the awful loneliness -- they are not evil. They will not destroy you. Let them in. Feel them. Understand that they are part of you. Don't DO anything while you're in their grip -- and don't shove them off into a corner either.

Listen to your emotions. Be with them. Accept them fully. If they are too much for you, give them to the Higher Power of your choice. You are not dying just because you feel so very bad.

You are feeling so very bad, in fact, because you're alive and sometimes living is painful.

Every wave of grief that passes over you washes away some of that pain. Let your grief do its healing work -- we're here to listen, and so's God, and so are a whole lot of other people. You're not alone.

Hi TR. Listen to J. Let yourself be sad. Let your tears remind you that you're alive. Try as hard as you can to be the best you can, and let your goodness turn that painful irritation in your soul into a pearl.

GC

I have such a headache from crying! I'm trying so hard to get through this. I know in time my heart will heal but it's going to be a long road. I know I can't control my H and how he feels and I'm trying to accept that. I do like to be in control of my life and I just feel so "out of control" right now...and it's hard for me. I'm ususally a very strong person and make other people feel good.
It really does feel like someone died. I miss the man I married. I miss laughing, talking and sharing my time with him. I just wonder if I will ever have that back.
Will I ever find someone else to replace that? I know I shouldn't be thinking like that right now....just thinking out loud.
I think I'm going to clean my house and then take my son to the mall. I need to get away from here.

TreeReich -

Don't despair, life gets much better. You have been through the trauma of WH leaving, running from the Hurricane with your child, and no help from WH.

No wonder you feel bad. You deserve much better. Just trust that it will come.

I never thought I would be happy again, but people here encouraged me, and now my days are happy - WITHOUT WH.

I really have had a rough couple of weeks. I can only hope things get better than this. I can't take anymore! I hurt for me and for my son. My son just handed me my wedding ring and said "mom you can still wear it." I told him that I didn't want to right now and he said..."you don't just give up on it." I was shocked! This came out of my 8 yr. old son's mouth. He is so smart and knows what is going on even though I have tried so hard to protect him.
He didn't even ask about his dad all weekend and still hasn't. How do I deal with that? Should I ask him if he wants to call him or should I just let WH show his true colors? Confused on that!!!

TR, I think that sounds like a great idea. While at the mall, make sure to get something naughty. I would like a report that you and your DS split a 1)Cinnabon, 2)banana split, 3)hot cocoa with LOTS of whipped cream, or 4)2 or more of the afore mentioned, in some sort of yummy combination.

When you use your energy to place you and your DS in a protective "bubble" of love and safety and STABILITY, you will begin to heal as well. No more letting all that powerful energy leak out to things you cannot control. You say you like to be in control of your life? Guess what??? You are currently in "control" of as much as you have ever been in "control" of. It just feels differently. When your WH was there with you, he was with you by his own CHOICE. You have no control over his choices. You can influence, and MB gives terrific guidelines on how we can influence and encourage our WS's to come back to the M, but it is their CHOICE.

So, in the aspect of "control," your life is the same as it ever was - just feels different. Does that make sense? Control what you can - YOU. Especially since you have your DS depending on YOU now for his stability and safety. Your WS checked out on you??? HIS loss. You have it ALL. You have yourself (he has lost himself), you have the gem of the child (he has a black hole where he once had joy). Only pity him right now. And only do that as you are looking over your shoulder at him, looking BACK at him, because you need to move forward.

YOU are in control of YOU, as you always have been. There IS a time and a place to let the grief and loss and everything else wash over you in waves and waves and waves. I do NOT advocate denying feelings, covering them up. They are feelings, and they are real, and they don't just "go away." But sometimes, they need to be put away, and life goes on.

I remember when I thought I would DIE if H left, then when he left, if he didn't come home ever. And my MIL said, "SS, what if WH died? What would you do?" And I realized I would go on. And that is what I did. I cried each night and each morning for all I had lost, but NOT in front of my boys after that first hard month. After that, they saw happiness and stability, because that is what they NEEDED. And after a while, the crying became less and less, and the living more and more. And we ALL got healthier.

Hang in there, girlie. It is a journey, not a destination. A marathon, not a sprint. And definately a process of acceptance and healing.

SS

Yes TR, talk to your son. He needs to be able to have his feelings validated. He is holding an incredible amount of grief and fear in his little heart and head right. Talk to him about his dad, his feelings, his hurt and fears, and NEVER stop talking about this with him. He is suffering, but has no way to grieve like you do.

He needs reasurance also, that his dad still loves him and has NOT left HIM. Only that you can't be together right now because that sometimes happens with grownups, they have problems, etc.

My prayers are with you TR, I know how tremendous your pain is...hang on honey, you will get through this and be happy once again.

Weaver

SS and Weaver....
Your words hit home! Thank you so much! Reading your responses makes me feel better. I am a wonderful mother and person. I know that I will survive this. It's just getting to the other side of the rainbow that is so hard.
I have the song..."I will Survive" on my desktop. I try to listen to it when I get down. It kinda empowers me!
Thank you so much to all of you here for supporting me and helping me through this rough time. I hope that one day I will be able to help others. I thank God evryday for my family and friends and for this site.
God bless us all!

TR,
I know how your feeling right now.
But one thing you will come to accept is that your life has changed. Period. You'll never get "BACK" what you lost.

I know this sounds harsh sweetie. If you embrace this fact...you'll find it much easier to deal with the grief that's engulfing you. This is a new life...and you're in full control of it.

WHEN...and I'm not saying IF....I'm saying WHEN...WH fog lifts...and you two are at the point of trying to recover.... it's not YOUR life you get back. It's all new...unchartered waters.

Inhale...exhale...and know that this is your H dilemma...NOT YOURS. This chaos is happening to him...unfortunately...you're along for the ride.

I once thought of this as a car accident..and my FWH was behind the wheel of this awful wreck. I just happened to be in the car with him.

so listen to what everyone is saying.

Look how beautiful you and your son are !!!!!

You are strong.... and you're on a Plan remember ? THAT is your advantage....you're taking the chaos...and you're learning to ride the waves...your H...is thrashing about..he's lost.

Be the lighthouse. Remember you ARE the lighthouse...you are in full control of your life. Look around you...see what a wonderful day God has given us...look at that beautiful boy of yours !!!!

Pray for H...I'll be praying very hard for him to come out of his alien FOG and see what he's missing.

I'll pray for you to have Grace....even if for today !!!!

You're doing great...hang in there !!!

Betrayed....
Speaking of the lighthouse....I actually went to the craft store and bought a wood lighthouse to paint. I painted it the color of the lighthouse that we see every summer on our vacation. I have it as a reminder of that story. It's just so hard sometimes!!!!!! I know I can move forward it's just really tough. My son is a beautiful child and I will do wahtever it takes to protect him. He is my heart!!!!
I know in my heart that one day I will have my H or someone else in my life to give me the love I deserve. I am a good person and when I give my heart to someone it is fully theirs.
I thank all of you so much for your support. It helps me get through the day!!!!!!!!!!

TreeReich -

You are a beautiful woman, and will find someone who deserves you if your WH continues on the path he is on. So don't worry about that.

Continue to make your home an island of safety and warmth. We will help you get through this. Just like a physical wound, an emotional wound takes time to heal. So take care of yourself and allow your grief. It is healthy to grieve your loss, and it does not go on forever.

I do have a question....
My son starts baseball next week....my WH coaches. How do I act around him? Do I ignore him? What do I do???????

You buy a nice new outfit, and be a knockout. Try to bring a friend along. It is good for your son to be with his father. You can do this.

Ok....I do have a hair appt. Tuesday. I'm getting a new haircut. I am going to start working out again. I will look as good as possible. I will go there and hold my head up high and cheer for my son!!! Luckily my friends H coaches also. They all know about my H's A and are very ticked at him.
Should I talk to my H? If he says something tome should I just be nice and act like I'm ok? Why am I so nervous about this????

TREEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeee

my hug buddy....need one? I do!

Work on yourself and be strong...Im trying to do the same.