For the last 7+ yrs Husband has had an on-again, off-again relationship with OW. Says it has evolved into a friendship, but if we were to divorce he would see her. He tells me she is fun to be with, she listens, knows all about hockey and loves to watch it, and basically says I would like her if I got to know her. Well, I have in a different way. I called her often and wrote begging for information and for her to stop seeing H. She repeatedly rudely dismissed me. So I doubt I will ever like her. But the question is what I should do. I love H, but I am always so angry because I never feel he is telling me the truth. I always have to find out by surprise. Now I don't believe anything. We have been married nearly 35 yrs., so there is a lot vested in this marriage. I believe if he would be truthful, either we could deal with it and resolve our problems or divorce, either one would make me happy. But he gives me just enough hope in "us" that I get all positive, then comes the crash. Every time I suggest a program for working out our problems and renewing our love we once had, he then gets negative. But when I'm negative and want a divorce he doesn't. We've had three divorce actions filed and each one dismissed. It's driving me nuts, the inability to trust yet remaining together. I don't want to give up if there really is any hope. I am beginning to believe he is in love with OW, although he says he isn't. He does admit he once probably was. But he now says he doesn't think we have the "stuff" to remain together, yet he hasn't attempted to really part. I'm going crazier by the moment. He left Friday, and two days later I have no idea where he is. It was after a discussion about our marriage. On the one hand I worry about him, and on the other I am angry he didn't at least say he was leaving. Am I really an idiot?

Oh my dear woman, you must get some boundaries. Your husband is clearly deeply in the fog. He says you don't have the stuff to stay together after 35 years? Talk about crazy.

Keep reading and posting here. We know how you feel and will help you.

Do you know any of OW's family or friends?
Where does your H know her from?

Read about exposure on this site.

It may help you figure things out?!

Panne, I would expose his affair to everybody you can, especially OW's family and even workplace, if you think it would make a difference. I would then pick up the phone and get some counseling from Steve Harley of Marriage Builders. You have been doing this WAY TOO LONG.

Time to do something different.

Harley is a genius in assessing situations and give you clear, effective directions. He won't waste your time with "how do you feel about this" nonsense. He will impart his long experience and wisdom in helping you end this affair.