TR you need to do what is right for you and your son. Youtr WH has chosen to behave in a way that is damaging to you and your son. This is HIS choice, you do not have to accept that.

You must protect yourself and your son like a lioness IMO.

Remember you are the only rational parent your son has right now.

I know you are in plan B so perhaps through a third party you can get a message to WH that says you demand a demonstration from him as to how he plans to minimise upset to your son.

TBH I think there is far too much 'decency' in allowing access to children during marital crises. To assume that contact must continue when a wayward parent has CHOSEN to behave in a way that is damaging to thec children is ludicrous IMO. And yes, I know that liberal courts take a different approach.

I will have absolutely no compunction in removing my children from their mother if she steps too far over the damage line with them.

TR you MUST get yourself strong physically and mentally. That strength will then inform how you should best manage your son's contact with WH.

After all - you never know what will unexpectedly transpire - look at my own situation.

{{{{{{{{{tr}}}}}}}}}

TR,

I feel so bad for your DS. He doesn't deserve any of this, actually nobody does.

If he talks to you just listen to him. He is still just a child and doesn't understand all of his emotions yet. So he may act angry at inappropriate times. And yes, maybe even at you. Try not to tell him how he should feel, just accept his feelings.

Your son still loves his Dad. He just wants a family living together under the same roof.

If your DS asks you questions, tell him you are committed to saving the family and that you are willing to do what it takes to do that. Also tell him that nobody can make your WH do anything. Your WH has free will and that sometimes people make bad choices.

TR good luck. THis all just plain sucks, especially with kids, it is a horror show.

TJ

My son and I had a long talk last night right before bed. He says he wants to spend the night with his dad but doesn't want to leave me here alone. I hate that my son feels like he has to worry about me. He shouldn't have to even be thinking about this stuff at his age. I just want him to enjoy being a kid! I know that If I tell my WH that our son can't spend the night during the week becasue of school he will say that I am trying to trun our son against him.
My WH is just so irrational right now. He's blaming everything on me!

I woke up today and told myself that I was going to be strong and live my life. It's really hard but I have to force myself otherwise I would just lay in bed all day and cry!!!!

{{{{{{{{JustAHusband,BobPure,Tom Joad}}}}}}}}}}}

TR, Hi, I have followed your story, but never posted, I don't think.

Do you have chocolate??? It is a band-aid. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'm sorry for your pain, and the struggle you are going through with your M.

Your poor boy, hugs to him. Poop on your H, for doing this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I see your boy is playing ball, and his Dad is coaching. You are in plan B, I suggest, plan B your butt off, but at the ball games, slip into plan A. Knock him off his feet every chance you get. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

{{{HUGS}}}

Sorry you are just wanting to cry. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

KY

TR, I'm sorry it's so tough for your boy. So he doesn't really enjoy his overnights with WH? How do you feel about them? I forget your son's age, but a WS having children overnight during a separation is supposed to be not especially good for a child, I've heard. What are your thoughts?

GC

Kyellow......I agree with you...POOP on my WH!!!! He's really being a jerk!
I have plenty of chocolate!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Graycloud.....My son is 8. I'm kinda confused on the overnightw with WH. My son wants to go but then calls me and says he's bored. I'm thinking that I should only allow him to spend the night with his dad on the weekend. I'm just not sure how to handle this. I guess I should talk to my councelor about it.
It's just strange how all of a sudden my son doesn't ask to call his dad or anything much anymore. I guess he must feel abandoned by him. It's just so unfair to both of us.

TR, you can expect that from your WH. In his eyes everything you do will be wrong ... he is looking for it. If everything you do is wrong, what he is doing is justified. My WW is still doing it.

I can do 10 things right and not get a nod, but leave a water glass on the counter and there is hell to pay.

Don't let him keep you from doing the right thing. The madder he gets at you the better you are doing. He gets mad because he wants to believe he's OK being a cheating husband, but your not helping him believe.

Keep up the work. Baseball will be starting soon for your DS. Be his biggest fan. WH will be expecting/hoping you will be sulking. Be your old funny happy self. BTW I love baseball, its a religon. Good Luck.

Well, my H brough son home late again!!!! He was supposed to be here before 7:30 to get ready for bed and of course he didn't show up until almost 9:00. Is he doing this on purpose???? He did send a check for groceries with my son.
I found some stuff in his computer bag.....I found the OW name on some work papers. He told me that he met her at a bar but I have a feeling that she works with him. I plan on finding out. I'm going to do some calling around tomorrow. I'm really ticked right now!!!!!
I can't beleive what I married!!!!

TR

Hugs to you and your DS. You both deserve better than this.

My first thought about DS is to never say anything against WH in front of son. Sounds like you do pretty well with that. Even the children of parents who beat them still have a fierce love for their parents. Go figure. DS loves his father no matter what WH has done. DS also sees your pain, and knows you are hurting.

Step up to the plate and be the better person (doesn't sound like that should be hard for you) - if only for your DS. When he is grown, he will know who the better person is - kids have instincts and know what is going on. They are pretty smart and intuitive.

As for you, please get on some Anti-D. This will help you soooooo much. At one point in my own situation, I was so shakey, and couldn't concentrate on anything, that the doctor I work for said I really needed to get on something - if only for a little while. I took Zoloft. It helped me get thru the bad parts.

Do your plan B. It gets easier as the days go by. It also empowers you. You can take control over your own life, and not let some crazed idiot control your life for you. I'm starting to feel that way for myself.

You're doing great. With every different wave of emotion (sadness, anger, etc.) remember this is just like a death... you have to go thru all the stages of grief. But you will go on. I KNOW it.

Chin up... and remember, everyone here is standing right beside you.

((((((((TR and DS))))))))

K

Thanks K!
I know I am the better person. My son will see that I'm the one at home with him and taking care of him. It seems that everytime he goes to visit his dad he calls me crying for one reason or another. It just makes me so angry. I know my WH loves our DS with all his heart but it doesn't change the fact that he isn't home with him and my S wants him here. It's hard for him.

I had a dream last night that I ran into OW and chewed her out. I wok up having a panic attack!!!! I don't even dream anymore about me and H together. I have very vibrant dreams that ususally come true. My dreams tell me a lot!

I'm going to get my hair cut this morning and hoping that it will make me feel good!!!!

Tree

im the smae way about the dream thing.....wow.

good luck on the hair cut....i dont know what you look like but im sure it will be fine.....

Tree...i dont know if i can contiue having this IHA (internet hugging affair) with you...I cant stand it anymore.....i need to break free from you hold.....
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .....lol

take care......

...if anything i can make you laugh.....

TR I am in Fla at Xmas with my kids with or without my WW. If she is BACK by then we should look you up. If she is NOT we should look you up anyway !

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

God Bless you TR. You are a truly lovely person. Never consider this sh1t a reckoning. Its just life.{{{{TR}}}}

Just A Husband....You do make me smile <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
My picture is actually on the MB photo thread. Is yours? Your kids?
{{{{{{HUGS TO YOU TOO}}}}}}}} <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I get more hugs on here than I do in real life! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Bob Pure....what part of Fla. will you be visiting? Is your family here? I will be visiting my family at Christams.....in Charleston, SC.
Hope your wife is with you...that would be wonderful for you. My H will not be with us at Christmas. He doesn't want to see my family....that's if we are together then.

I got my hair cut and I feel good. Sexy actually!!! Too bad I don't have my H to share that with. His loss!

TR we in Miami for 4 days and Marathon, keys for 10.

Won't see ya then ! never mind !
{{{tr}}}

Yeah...I'm in Orlando! I've actually never been to the keys. Are you visiting family there?

Almost....we spent the l;ast 5 xmasses with Chiuck and Susan at Gulf View Waterfront Resort in Marathon. They are friends like family. And Dwight, myt friend from Texas visits with us for Xmas most years too.

the keys is a lovely place to buy tie die grateful dead tees at fifty bucks apiece <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />


We spend xmas in orlando too. This year tho' we going for weather not fun ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Tree

Send me the link to the photo page. i looked at one but didnt see you....unless i just missed you....

JAH

JAH....
I don't know how to add the link but go to GQ11 and the topic is....THE MB PHOTO THREAD..by faith1
Click on the first page and under her post you will see the link..
I'm near the bottom...blonde hair!

He is what people call the cakeman,I know because i have been called the cakewoman.I had an affair which almost destroyed my family.Over a year ago this happened.I still cry all the time from guilt and shame and i came clean with my husband of 4 yrs.The affair has ended physically but not emotionally.I still keep in contact with my ex.Wrong i know i have told my husband everything with the continued contact.They say it takes 2 to 5 yrs for a person to get through his whole ordeal.Your husband has to end this whole thing completley now and forever just as i do.I do struggle with this everyday and with gods help to end this with my ex forever.I love my husband and i also love my ex its horrible to be in this mess,I wish on nobody.You have every right to know everything thts going on.I truly hope that your marriage can overcome this nighmare and you can be what you both once were.In love and happy.My heart goes out to you.Good luck.R.M.U

P.S. recently my husband purchased the new lonestar cd if you have it.I want you and your husband to listen to the song lets be us again.It has opened my eyes and made me see what we were back then and it was increadible.It has made me see how important our life together is.I have a chance to be us again,some of us never get a second chance.A song has changed me some how i know it sounds crazy but just maybe this will help your husband see things the way i am right now.Maybe you 2 can be us again as well.R.M.U