My mom my boys and all my friends are telling me that she is never comming back and I should move on...........

Frank, they don't know that any more than you do. They cannot see into the future. But, I think you should prepare for that eventuality just for your own peace of mind [this is what Plan B does]. Better to expect the worse and just be pleasantly surprised if things do turn out for the best.

I will just tell you that most affairs DO NOT last and that I have seen much worse situations than yours end in reconcilation. Even so, if you don't get your hopes up, you can't be disappointed.

Frankd-
I agree with mel. I really think you need to try plan b. It helps and protects you so much. It will be hard at first but it gets easier each day.

I will send it after the hearing......should i mention the divorce in the letter.......?

Frank, no, I think the letter you posted was very good. I would just make sure in that letter that you CLEARLY say she is not to contact you at all. Instead of saying "I am avoiding you." There is a big difference and it is important you make that clear. See what I mean?

i will wait tell after the hearing.......think

Frank, Mel is right. These people are taking what WW says at face value, and I'm sure you realize that there is so much more to the situation than that.

GC

HI frankd....i am hearing the same things from all our friends. WH has told everyone he is not coming back even it doesnt work out with the OW.
Says I hurt W twice.

My question to anyone?

Has anyone had their spouse say this and then farther along end up coming back? He seems so dead set on his decision.

Hope i didnt hijack this thread, just i didnt want to make another thread on this same deleima i am facing.

thanks A/C0810

My mom told me today that WW told boys that she is never coming back and that they did not tell me becauce they did not want me hurt.......My mom said that the people on the internet do not know the whole story and that I need to move on.......

Frank, unless your mother is CARNAC the magician, she doesn't know the full story either because she doesn't know the future. What she doesn't know is that WS' are often very confused people who say one thing one day and the complete opposite the next. Just because she says one thing doesn't mean that won't change the next day.

Now, it may very well turn out that your W doesn't come back, but you can't go by her statements, nor does your mother know this, unless she can see into the future. Many, many, WS' swear they are never coming back, and guess what? THEY COME BACK when the reality of their sleazy affair sinks in.

So, don't let her bother you, Frank.

I spoke with D today and she told me she found a letter that said (WW talking to OM) * months ago I was dreaming about sleeping with you and now I am.....I told D not to bee reading MOMMYS letters anymore that it don't matter........Meagan asked me if I was mad at her and I said no I am not.I said just don't read mommys letters anymore.........She asked if what mommy said was a bad thing...I said don't worry about it meagan........can you believe that crap I will tell my lawyer ............

What I want to know is who this "everyone" is and why they have such a hold over your head, Frankd.

If you look at it carefully, you'll probably find out that your "everyone" is made up of five or six people and no more.

Your mom
Your wife
Your dad
Your boss
Your best friend

Are all candidates to be part of your "everyone."

So what do you do about that? You evaluate whether they're able to support you in the hard work you have to do right now. That hard work being getting into Plan B without getting divorced. If they can support your efforts, great!!

If not, it's time to change your "everyone."

Because here's what "everyone" on this board will tell you.

Your wife may look and sound rational...and things can change in a heartbeat.

Whether anyone around you likes it or not, you must take the hard steps, one at a time, toward personal healing.

That's going to take a long, long time. Months, probably.

You're not fit company for other members of the opposite sex while you're doing that healing.

You're still married.

So you MIGHT AS WELL go into Plan B and get yourself healed and human again. It allows your marriage one final last chance of recovery, and that's splendid.

More importantly, though, it allows you to return to sanity.

My family thought I was nuts in the way I approached things. They still do, come to think of it, every time I make a change. But then three months later they look back on it and go, "Oh! I see what you did now. That was a good idea."

So.... MBers have MUCH more experience with infidelity in general than anyone you're talking to at home. Do we know your situation? Nope. But we know the script by heart. Why not pick us to be in your "everyone" for a while?

Just J I thank you for you support.......After tha hearing I will go into plan B.....I got my letter written and I need to tweek it........I will give it to her next sunday..........