pemberley:
(don't know if you'll consider good or not but...)
Unfortunately, This shows that your H is not serious about stopping his activities.
(By not letting you even log onto the computer). Sure is a great cover though. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
Whatever, happens tonight....YOU take the computer out of the house (to a friends or your mothers or even a storage locker). Any where but in your home.
This is much too STRONG of a temptation for your H (since he did most of the chatting right
IN your home...
with you right there ).
As far as your conversation......list your expectations and intentions, WITHOUT coming across as desperate or "in a panic".
Otherwise he will see he is in control. Then your sunk.
Make a list of your
boundaries and be confident enough to stick to them.
If you cave in today (out of fear) he will know he will always be able to control you and thereby get his way.
(And
his way is making your life miserable)
Communicate that you want a better M and are willing to
DO YOUR part to make it that way.
However, (without LBing) make sure he KNOWS that he has to change his behavior as well (and hiding it, by putting pass words on the computer) IS NOT acceptable.
Unfortunately, In the end, if he wants to leave ........he's an adult and can.
Just accept that now, and you'll gain strength in that knowledge.
YOU can't control him, only what
you do and say.
However, this is most likely just a strategy by him to "get his way" and force you to back down. WS threaten and bluster all the time.
And will continue to do so ....As long as it is working for them.
When is doesn't....they usually switch to other tactics (bargaining, withdrawing, ect)
Most important thing is to "prepare" yourself today. So remember: Preparation!
Even if you have to Write it all down......get what
YOU Want to "say" straight in your head.
(I reccomend writing it down....cause in the "heat" of an emotional conversation, its really easy to get both sidetracked and also lose your train of thought).
Doing this will also let you be much "calmer" when you do talk.
Since you'll already have your points ready, you can concentrate on remaining in control of your emotions. and dealing with your presentation.
In addition, you need to decide how you are going to respond to the different issues which your H is going to bring up with you.
Example:
If he says he has decided he
IS going to leave: What do you say?
If he says he wants to stay, but see how things go: How do you react?
If he says he will stay and YOUR the one who has to do ALL the changing? How do you respond?
If he says he will not give you the password: you say?
The point is to anticipate what he can say (in either direction) and decide how your argument should go to counter what he says.
Having a plan is much better then making it ALL up "on the fly".
The key word for today is "Boundaries".
YOU have to decide yours, how much you can put up with or accept and then spell them out to him so there is NO miscommunication.
Then its up to him to accept or Not.
That's pretty much what you can do.......decide,
prepare , present and then hope.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">From pemberley:
I have made it very clear I do NOT want a separation </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, but not at any cost.
NOT on
His terms or the "old" terms.
YOU do not want to separtate, but only with a new agreement firmly in place.
Success to you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
