Since giving the "back off" comments and the "lets just be friends and live together" my wife has done the following.

Setup a nive day at the park for our family. Sat with her head in my lap.

Kissed and hugged me while i was walking across the living room, for no apparent reason.

Played Monopoly with us as a family and laughed a great deal (first time for this since contact with OM).

This morning she was fairly cool (meaning not quite cold but definately something on her mind). I did not ask her how she was doing or anything. I just said goodbye and left for work.

She has been sitting in front of the computer for the past couple of days. Both last night and this morning. That computer is a BIG trigger for me because it is where so much of the A took place. They would send soggy emails to each other professing their love. Everytime i see her in front of it i want to race over and see what she is doing. I can tell she knows it.

Today i am doing better than yesterday. Yesterday i wanted somebody to stop this thing so i could get off!!! Today i just want her to talk to me.

Do you have spyware on her computer so you can see what she is doing?

KCM, I would have made it clear to her that you are not her "friend," you are her husband. If she wants a "friend" she can join the Junior League, but you are her H.

If she is having an affair on the computer, I would suggest doing everything in your power to end it, starting with installing some spyware to find out what she is doing.

You would have to read my story to understand.

My post is on the In Recovery section and is called Wife is in HARD withdrawal...please help!

I have received some great advice on that thread.

Some people have told me that installing some sort of monitoring software would be the ultimate deal breaker for her. What do you think?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by KCM:
<strong>

Some people have told me that installing some sort of monitoring software would be the ultimate deal breaker for her. What do you think? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">KCM, I can't imagine why anyone told you that. It is the ultimate deal breaker for THE AFFAIR. And ending the affair is the BEST THING for your marriage. If you don't do it, it is likely to be a deal breaker for your marriage.

You should be doing everything in your power to end the affair and that includes spying, exposing, etc. In order to end the affair, you MUST know what you are dealing with and have the facts. And you can't know what you are dealing with if you don't have the facts.

KCM, I just reread your post. Are you sure they have ended all contact? Even so, I would put the spyware on your computer so you can verify for yourself that it has ended. That way you can protect yourself.

It will also give you great peace of mind to be able to verify independently that she is being truthful. It will help enormously in rebuilding trust.

More confusion.

She sends me email today:
"i'm sorry for all the pain i have caused you. I wish we could just go back to the way things were. I miss our old life."

GREAT IDEA, HONEY!!! lets go back to an environment where you felt things like "i've never loved you," "our marriage was wrong from the beginning" "i just want to be friends". Oh yeh and not to mention ZERO intimacy.

WOW, i'm really relieved. Why didn't i just offer this up before.

While we're at it why don't we see about finding a time machine and going back to when you met OM. I wonder if you would have said any of this crap prior to "falling in love"?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Update -

Last night we are sitting on the couch and she tells me that my prayer at the dinner table annoyed her. She tells me that she doesn't know why it just did.
I told her that it seems like everything i do annoys her and this goes back a long way.
She agrees and then sighs... (what does that mean)
Says she just wants to sit and watch TV together.

Next thing i know she is kissing me and hugging me and wanting me to hold her.

WHO IS THIS PERSON AND WHAT DID SHE DO TO MY WIFE??????????

Have you read about Thress States of Mind in Marriage
To get to Intimacy from Withdrawal, you must go through Conflict. Keep doing what you are doing, and eventually she will make it back to Intimacy.

Thanx -

what about all the fog talk:
"i've never loved you"

she is adamant about this. She tells me all the time that she has never really loved me. That she loves me as a person but is not "in love" with me.

Yet at the same time she will tell me every now and then "i really do love you Mark, i just don't know how to show you"

I'm stopping now as my brain is about to hemorage.